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~ The Real and True Adventures of Remarriage at Life's Midpoint

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Monthly Archives: November 2011

The Casserole Queens’ Sweet Potato Casserole

20 Sunday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Casseroles, Cooking, recipes, The Casserole Queens

Ordinarily I only share recipes that I’ve kitchen-tested, but with Thanksgiving a few days away, you might be in desperate need of a side dish, and I’m not cooking this year’s holiday meal. (More on that in a separate post.) But if I were laying out my usual spread, believe me, I’d make room on my menu for this casserole—oven unseen—courtesy of the Casserole Queens.

(Actually, if you ask any of my previous guests over the years, they’ll tell you that many’s the time I’ve experimented with new recipes when having them over for dinner. I’m just a gal with a Santoku knife and a sense of adventure.)

John and I met Crystal Cook and Sandy Pollock a few weeks ago, when they came to Richmond for an author signing at Fountain Bookstore. Even if you didn’t know they hail from Austin, Texas, where they run a food-delivery service, you’d guess it right off: their down-home, friendly hospitality gives it away. You want to bask in the light of their warmth. You want them to invite you to dinner.

Crystal Cook, left, and Sandy Pollock: The Casserole Queens

Crystal and Sandy came to culinary prominence with their recipe for Chicken Pot Pie, which caught the eye of Bobby Flay. He featured them, and their recipe, in an episode of the Food Network’s Throwdown! with Bobby Flay. The Casserole Queens Cookbook, published this year by Clarkson Potter, made the New York Times’ best-seller list. Their book tour included a stop in New York City, where they cooked with Al Roker on the Today Show.

Casseroles represent the ultimate in comfort food, especially for us baby-boomers, who cut our teeth on macaroni and cheese and tuna noodle casserole. A patron at the bookstore called this type of cooking “emotionally significant,” and the phrase is perfect. Mid-lifers, I’m talking to you now. Weren’t casseroles some of your favorite meals from childhood? Don’t you feel a flush of warm memories just thinking about them? Now imagine those meals crafted with a 21st-century point-of-view. Sandy trained at the French Culinary Institute; together with Crystal she has given these time-honored recipes a sophisticated twist. The staff at Fountain Books had prepared Chicken Pot Pie, Mandarin Meatloaf, and Lemon Bars for us to sample. Delicious. Toothsome. May I please wrap some up in a napkin to take home with me? And yes, emotionally significant. As soon as I get my writing deadlines under control, I intend to cook my way through their entire book.

In honor of Thanksgiving, here is a recipe for sweet potatoes that puts a spin on that old chestnut. If you make it, by all means—please leave a note in the comment section and tell us how it was! When I get back into the kitchen, I’ll report on my own attempt at Chicken Pot Pie.

My thanks to Crystal and Sandy for giving me permission to share this recipe with you!

Sweet Potato Casserole

—Makes 6 to 8 servings

8 large sweet potatoes
2/3 cup packed light brown sugar
2/3 cup pecans, toasted
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus more for greasing the casserole dish
3/4 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup pure maple syrup
1 large egg, beaten
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon salt

1. Preheat the oven to 400-degrees Fahrenheit.

2. Wash the sweet potatoes, dry well, and put on a baking sheet. Bake for about 1 hour or until soft. Remove the potatoes from the oven.

3. Reduce the oven temperature to 375-degrees.

4. Put the brown sugar, pecans, flour, and 5 tablespoons butter in the bowl of a food processor. Pulse until crumbly. Transfer the mixture to a bowl and put in the refrigerator until ready to use.

5. In the bowl of a stand mixer, fitted with the paddle attachment, add the cream, maple syrup, egg, vanilla, and salt. Peel the baked sweet potatoes, and add the flesh to the bowl. Beat the sweet potato mixture on medium-high speed until smooth.

6. Grease a 9 x 13-casserole dish with some butter. Pour the sweet potato mixture into the dish and smooth the top with the back of a spoon. Sprinkle the pecan topping evenly over the dish. Bake for 40 minutes or until heated through and the top has browned.

Copyright © 2011 by Crystal Cook and Sandy Pollock. All rights reserved. Used with permission.

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The Writer’s Prayer

19 Saturday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Writing Life

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Blog, BlogHer, NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, Poetry, writing

The Writer’s Prayer
With apologies to St. Luke and St. Matthew

Our muse, who art within us,
Hallowed be thy flame.
Thy freedom come,
Thy quill be done—
No dearth like the other night at seven.
Give us this day our daily “said,”
And forgive us our frets,
As we forgive those fretters within us.
Lead us not into frustration,
But deliver us from drivel
Now, and at each hour and breath,
Amen.

—Marci Rich

Today is the 19th day in a row that I’ve written and posted to my blog and cross-posted on BlogHer, part of the commitment I made to the glorious madness known as National Blog Posting Month, or NaBloPoMo. The other day, while speeding through the BlogHer site to post my essay, I spotted a photograph on a syndicated NaBloPoMo post that pretty much sums up what it’s like to write in such a frenzied blur. The writer illustrated her essay with a photo of her laptop.

Big deal, you say? It was perched on the toilet.

For obsessives—and writers are nothing if not obsessive—this image is gold.

Dawn’s post inspired me to write about NaBloPoMo again. The challenge served as my subject twice: when I wrote and posted my very first NaBloPoMo submission, way back in the dark ages of November 1, and the day after, when I learned that the editors at BlogHer had syndicated it, thus giving me a huge boost of energy from which to tap. Now, 19 days later, we’re all more than halfway home and more than a little exhausted.

One of the added values of NaBloPoMo is the demand that it makes on one’s discipline as a writer. Posting an essay every day for 30 days straight yields such a prolific output as to turn everyone participating into the Joyce Carol Oates of blogging. I’ve never written so much of my own work at such a consistent pace in my life. And I’m 55. That’s a long time. (I really don’t count my professional output from years spent writing for other people and organizations.)

A word about that. Years ago, when I first began life as a salaried writer, a lovely author named Diane Vreuls said to me, “Be careful. Pay the bills, but try to avoid jobs that have you write. It can get in the way.”

It did. I churned out press releases, faculty bios, tip-sheets, magazine articles, and—with the advent of the Internet, web stories. But I did little to no writing of my own. The exhaustion that sets in from being creative for hire while balancing home and family left me dry. And I missed the poet I used to be.

Majoring in English with a creative writing emphasis as a non-traditional student at Oberlin College, I had studied with Diane’s husband, the poet, translator, and literary editor Stuart Friebert. My particular focus was poetry, and I was required to present a poem for critique in Stuart’s poetry workshop every week. He used to quote Grace Paley to us: “A poem a day keeps the prose doctor away.”

Those days of “a poem a day”—from around 1987 to 1991—represent the last time I experienced such prolonged outbursts of creativity. Until, that is, this month. So thank you, NaBloPoMo, for reminding me (and I do need reminding, for life gets in the way) that there’s a reason for writing every day. It’s no longer because I “have to” in the assignment-sense; it’s because I have to, as in “I need to.” As in the survival sense.

Note: In a metanarrative kinda way, if you link to Diane’s name in this post, you’ll be taken to an article I wrote about her on the occasion of her retirement from the faculty at Oberlin College.

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Marlo & Me—Act I

18 Friday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Relationships and Family Life, The Cultured Life, The Writing Life, Well-Dressed

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Baby Boomers, Beauty, Entertainment, Family, Hair care, Life, Marlo Thomas, Nostalgia

“COMPLICATED HAIR”

Had fashions in the late 1960s been otherwise, I would not have the strength of character that I possess today. I was born with complicated hair—thick, unmanageable, impossibly curly hair. And not the good kind of curly, either—the Andie McDowell/Julianna Margulies-kind of curly—just coarse and wiry and frizzy hair. This frizzled look would be en vogue today, when stylists spend considerable time crafting the look for runway models—a look that used to send me reeling in horror from the bathroom mirror. No, mine was the era of Carnaby Street, Twiggy, and the Summer of Love, and I had complicated hair. The fashion at the time was either cropped short, like the iconic pixie cut Vidal Sassoon created for Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby, or long, sleek, and straight, like Jean Shrimpton or Julie Christie—all blondes, I might add. Relief came for a little dark-haired girl in the form of a beautiful brunette named Marlo Thomas, who, in the landmark television series That Girl, wore her straight glossy hair in a flip with bangs. The fact that Marlo was Italian and Lebanese, just like me, and had a father with whom I’d been photographed earlier in the decade, clinched the deal. She—that girl!—would be my role model. God knows, I needed one. I had complicated hair.

Credit: Marlo Thomas' Facebook page

“You have to suffer to be beautiful.”

That’s my godmother, “Aunt Fannie,” speaking. It’s 1968, and I’m in the seventh grade at St. Mary’s School in Elyria, Ohio. We’re having our class pictures taken in a few days, and my parents have driven me to her house to have my hair done.

Perhaps I should explain.

Aunt Fannie was a licensed beautician. (That’s what they called hair stylists in those days.) My godfather, Uncle Bill, was a gifted carpenter, and although he was not a professional contractor, he built their lovely ranch home in a rural part of Elyria from the ground up, and turned one of their basement rooms into a hair salon for my godmother. My father drove my mother there to have her hair done each week, and I was always in tow. With school-picture day looming, I begged and pleaded with my parents to let Aunt Fannie cut my hair so that I would have bangs and a flip, just like That Girl.

I finally wore them down. It wasn’t long before I was seated in the chair that swiveled around like a carnival ride. Aunt Fannie’s fingers wielded the silver scissors like some magician’s wand—snip! snip! snip! I had been turned away from the mirror the entire time, and couldn’t wait to see my idol’s impeccable hairdo in place of my tangled Medusa mane. When she spun me around, I was shocked.

I looked awful.

None of us had really taken my thick frizz into account when calibrating the outcome of my longed-for flip hairdo with bangs. The flip flopped, and I looked like a Labradoodle.

An Australian male Labradoodle at 9 month of age.I hesitate to say this, because you’ll think that I spent my entire childhood in tears, but I have to tell you that I cried. Not a full-throated cry—just a whimper, with a steady stream running down my cheeks.

“Isn’t–isn’t there anything you can do?” I asked my godmother, sniffling. Flat irons had not yet been invented. She thought a moment, then brightened.

“We can straighten it!”

My father, who had been watching television in the other room, walked by just in time to hear this. “Not if I have anything to say about it!” he thundered. “She has beautiful hair. You never should have cut it in the first place.”

“But George, look at her,” my mother said. “She can’t go around looking like this!”

“I can’t go around looking like this, Daddy.” I thought he should know where I stood on the matter.

The tension in the air was palpable. My parents exchanged words. Aunt Fannie busied herself by rearranging her hair clip drawer. I escaped upstairs to soothe my nerves with a tall glass of 7-Up. When I came back down, the charged atmosphere had eased. I’ll never know who convinced him—my mother or Aunt Fannie—but my father had backed down. Aunt Fannie was mixing the chemicals that would solve the crisis and turn me into “That Girl” for my school pictures.

“This stuff stinks!” I cried when she began stirring the mixture near me. And when she started combing the goop through my hair, my eyes began to water—and not from tears. “It burns!”

“You have to suffer to be beautiful,” she replied sagely.

I don’t remember how long I sat in that chair. It seemed like months. But I finally was directed to the shampoo bowl, and felt the cool relief of water soothe away the stinging, rotten-egg smell of the straightener. Aunt Fannie washed and conditioned my hair and combed it through. I was entranced! When I touched it, it felt smooth and sleek; I had never experienced such a sensation in relation to my own hair before. My head looked smaller, too. It wasn’t my hair anymore; it wasn’t me. It was better. New and improved, as the commercials used to say.

Aunt Fannie set my hair in rollers and sat me under the dryer, where I perused the latest movie magazines. When I was dry—cheeks red and hot from the heated air, rolled hair crisp to the touch—Aunt Fannie set me back in the swivel chair, where she began unpinning the rollers, vigorously brushing out my new hair.

It gleamed. It shined. I had never seen anything like it. She sprayed hairspray all over me—the air was thick with it. I sneezed and coughed. But I looked beautiful.

You have to suffer to be beautiful.

And you are! Look at that girl!

To be continued …

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Marinated Flank Steak

17 Thursday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Cooking, Food, Grilling, recipes, Steak Marinades

Mise en place for this recipe

Be honest. Are you growing just a bit weary of the holiday recipes that are flooding your inbox? Are you tired of seeing glossy, garnished turkeys gleaming out at you from the covers of the food magazines in the grocery check-out line? Or is your Thanksgiving menu all set, but you’re at a loss for what to cook tomorrow night?

I thought so.

Grilling season might be over in many parts of the U.S., but for those of us who like some char with our meat, there’s no time like the present.

This recipe is so easy that I almost hesitate to share it, lest you think I’m coasting. It yields such a delicious meal, however, that it seems a shame to keep it from you. You can serve this with any number of sides; I like to kick it old-school, with baked potatoes and a salad or green vegetable. My thanks to an old friend, Anne Morse of Hudson, Ohio, for giving me this recipe back in the 1970s.

For great tips on grilling the perfect flank steak, I’ve included a link. And meat should be at room temperature before throwing it on the flames, so remember to take your marinated steak out of the refrigerator at least an hour before you’re ready to grill.

Enjoy!

Marinade for Flank Steak

—From the kitchen of Anne Morse

One-half cup soy sauce
One-half cup sesame oil
3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
Freshly-ground pepper
2 medium cloves garlic, crushed

Mix together the first four ingredients. Add the garlic. Pour over flank steak and marinate for 24 hours, turning occasionally.

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Marlo & Me—Prologue

16 Wednesday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Relationships and Family Life, The Cultured Life, The Writing Life, What's the Buzz?

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

blogs, Broadway, Entertainment, Marlo Thomas, Theater, writing

It’s only taken 50 years, but last night I was photographed with another member of the famed Thomas family: Danny’s daughter Marlo. Photo credit: John Rich

The Scene:
Backstage at the Brooks Atkinson Theatre on Broadway.

The Time:
Present day. An evening performance of the Ethan Coen/Elaine May/Woody Allen play Relatively Speaking, and immediately afterward.

The Players:
Marlo Thomas (Award-winning actress, author, producer, and activist); Marci Rich (The Midlife Second Wife); John Rich (The Midlife Second Husband)

Synopsis:
A writer and blogger from Richmond, Virginia, learns that an essay she submitted to a  contest sponsored on Facebook by Marlo Thomas was selected as a winner. Her prize? Two free tickets to see the actress perform on Broadway in a one-act comedy, George is Dead, written by Elaine May—part of a three-act play called Relatively Speaking. The writer and her husband embark on a whirlwind, 24-hour trip by train to New York City to see the play and, hopefully, meet the actress. Waiting backstage after the performance, the writer reflects on significant moments in her life in which either the actress or the actress’ late father, famed entertainer Danny Thomas, played an off-stage role.

Prologue: The Writer Remembers

It must have been 1960 or 1961. I was five or so. I remember because the dress I’m wearing in the photograph was my favorite dress when I was in kindergarten. The famous entertainer Danny Thomas had come to Cleveland, and I had my picture taken with him for a Cleveland-area newspaper. My father is also in the picture; he’s the one holding me, hoping that I’ll stop crying long enough for the man with the camera to get his picture.

I remember the evening well. My father, George Abookire, had been a regional volunteer for ALSAC, the fundraising organization that Danny Thomas had established to help him realize his dream: a hospital dedicated to children who were suffering from cancer. ALSAC had benefited from the work of volunteers such as my father, who helped raise money for what would become St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. A keynote ALSAC event was taking place at a ballroom in a Cleveland hotel, and the guest of honor was Danny Thomas himself.

I knew who Danny Thomas was; he was revered in our house for several reasons. To begin with, he was a first-generation American born to Lebanese parents, just like my father. Danny Thomas was born in Toledo, Ohio; my father was born just 90 miles east, in Elyria, Ohio. Danny Thomas had married a woman of Sicilian descent; so had my father. There is family lore, possibly apocryphal, that it was a first cousin of Danny’s, Ralph Jacobs (also from Toledo), who had married my father’s first cousin, Renée Mady of Windsor, Canada.

Even more important than these connections was the fact that Danny Thomas’ great success in the entertainment industry—in films, nightclubs, and as the star and producer of his own television shows—brought tremendous pride to the Lebanese community. At a time when minority ethnic and racial groups were not represented on television, Danny Thomas, a man of Lebanese heritage, brought a slice of our culture to millions of homes across America. The importance of this cannot be overstated. This meant everything to a little girl growing up in Elyria, Ohio, who looked different from everyone else because of her thick, dark curly hair; a nose that was decidedly not Anglo-Saxon; and an unpronounceable last name. Danny Thomas’ presence on television validated my ancestral identity. My parents and I adored Make Room for Daddy and watched it religiously; the episodes featuring Danny Williams’ Uncle Tonoose, played by Hans Conried, were especially beloved. Uncle Tonoose reminded me of my grandfather.

There was one small problem.

Like most children, I was highly impressionable, especially when it came to visual images. My first infant memory is of a male relative carrying me in my grandmother’s house; I glimpsed my reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall. So much of what I would later see on television as a child remains as vivid to me now as that first mirror image; they are imprints, effortlessly recalled. A nightmare that I had when I was still a baby forms my second memory. The eye logo employed by CBS turned menacing in my dream. I awoke crying in my crib, frightened and inconsolable.

And so I well remember the little girl who played Linda, Danny Thomas’ daughter in his television show. Like me, she had dark hair. Like me, she had a slightly mischievous spirit. And, like me, she could sometimes exasperate her father to distraction, eliciting a reaction from him that, like the CBS eye, suggested menace: a raised voice, a sprint across a room to chase the little imp.

I had been told that I would be meeting Danny Thomas that evening in Cleveland. And as the evening wore on, I remember growing tired and cranky. It was a school night, and the back of my legs itched from the rough velvet seats on which we’d been sitting for what seemed like hours, waiting for the star to make his entrance. These feelings, then, combined with the growing awareness that this man could very well begin yelling at me as he occasionally yelled at his television daughter, filled me with apprehension.

The room darkened, and a great spotlight appeared. Danny Thomas was entering the ballroom. My father grabbed my hand and ran with me over to the photo op.

“You’re going to have your picture taken with Danny Thomas,” he said, smiling. My reaction surprised him. I started to cry.

My poor father. Poor Danny Thomas. My father tried to comfort me, and Danny Thomas—no doubt disappointed by my tears—nevertheless rose to the occasion and posed, smiling, behind us.

Years later, reading the newspaper clipping, I learned something new. After the picture was taken, I apparently stopped crying, clambered into Danny Thomas’ arms, and gave him a kiss.

Strange phenomena, memories. I don’t remember doing that at all. But it was in the paper, so it must have happened.

To be continued …

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Broadway Bound

15 Tuesday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Cultured Life, The Writing Life, What's the Buzz?

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

AmTrak, blogs, Broadway, Brooks Atkinson Theatre, John Turturro, MarloThomas, New York City, Theater, writing

Paraphrasing Oscar Wilde: I never travel without my blog. One should always have something sensational to write in the train.

Four a.m. is not the hour I’d pick to start my day. Let’s just say that I’m less a morning person than, oh, a mid-to-late-morning-after-coffee-and-breakfast-and-newspaper person. But how could I possibly complain? Three hours ago, John and I boarded the 7 a.m. train to New York City, solely because something that has only ever occurred in my dreams is really and truly happening. I wrote an essay and submitted it to a Facebook contest sponsored by the actress Marlo Thomas. And I won. Tonight we will pick up my prize: two free tickets at the box office of the Brooks Atkinson Theatre to see Ms. Thomas perform in Elaine May’s play, George is Dead, one-third of Relatively Speaking, a triad of one-act comedies directed by John Turturro.

I planned for our departure with such scrupulous attention to detail as to make a Broadway producer proud. Pet care? Check. Our good friends and neighbors, Jerry and Amy, would watch our dog, Sandy. (Zorro, their Shih-Tzu, is Sandy’s love interest.)

Sandy, on the right, with her love interest Zorro. Sandy is nearly five; Zorro is one. Sandy is a cougar.

Amy will also feed our cat, Nellie. Clean clothes? Check. I picked up John’s shirts from the laundry and did one last load of laundry. Vehicle transport? Check. I put gas in the car so we could make it to the train station without incident, and printed out our AmTrak confirmation vouchers. Lodging? Check. I printed out the confirmed reservation for our hotel. Nourishment? Check and check. I picked up pastries at Can Can (a cranberry scone for John, a cherry and mascarpone cheese croissant for me) for our train breakfast. At Jean-Jacques Bakery I ordered two roast beef and Havarti cheese sandwiches (sides of fruit and green bean salad) to secure our train-picnic lunch. Coffee? Ah…This required a trip to Target to purchase a thermos. I set up the coffee maker last night. Apparel and necessities? Check. Telecommunications devices and photographic equipment? Check, check, and check. Laptop and iPhone fully-charged (but power cords packed) and ready to go; ditto camera and batteries.

Did I say scrupulous attention to detail? I forgot to pack an extra pair of socks.

We are now stopped for about an hour or so at Union Station in Washington, D.C., and I want to post this while I still have battery power (the electricity apparently gets shut down during layovers).

So here’s to John, who tucked a sweet card into the pile of clothes to be packed and arranged for time off work to accompany me; here’s to Marlo Thomas for her generosity, and her support for writers; here’s to Amy and Jerry (and Sandy and Zorro! and Nellie!); and here’s to old Broadway!

—My thanks to AmTrak for having free wi-fi, and to Can Can for their incredible pastries.

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A Tale of Two Deaths: Losing My Mother to Alzheimer’s—Part I

14 Monday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Relationships and Family Life, The Healthy Life, Transitions

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

Alzheimer's disease, Conditions and Diseases, Death, Dementia, Grief Loss and Bereavement, Health, Life, Neurological Disorders

A note to readers: This post was honored by BlogHer, the Women’s Publishing Network, with a Voice of the Year award for 2012. I have since retitled it and it will appear as Part One of Have You Met My Daughter? My Mother, Her Alzheimer’s, and Me in an e-book anthology jointly published by BlogHer and Open Road Media. I am working to complete Have You Met My Daughter? and will post forthcoming essays, in serial form, on this blog.

A person with dementia (or Alzheimer’s Disease) suffers two deaths. The first death occurs when you discover the illness taking hold, erasing the vivacious mind and the vital spirit of the person you once knew. The second death is when the physical body expires. For these reasons, a bereaved person who loses a loved one—first to dementia, later to death—grieves twice. And although much has been written about mid-lifers—the so-called “sandwich generation“—who are caught between caring for ill or elderly parents while still raising children, perhaps there is room in the literature for one more account. This November, to mark National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month and National Family Caregivers’ Month—and in honor of my mother—I am beginning to write a series of essays about how I loved my mother and how I lost her—not once, but twice.

“Have you met my daughter?”

This was the question my mother, who had impeccable manners, regularly posed to co-workers or acquaintances when introducing me to them for the first time.

“Have you met my daughter?”

This was the question my mother regularly posed to the women seated with her at a table in the secured-wing of the assisted living facility where I regularly visited her. Without fail, each and every time I entered the room, she would ask these same women:

“Have you met my daughter?”

There was, of course, tremendous solace in the fact that despite her illness, my mother did recognize me as her daughter. Nevertheless, it was heartbreaking to see how her memory, her very sense of self, had deteriorated.

The signs had been there for a while; it just took time for me to connect the dots. My mother had always been what used to be called “high-strung.” She suffered from panic attacks, and was fearful of many things, including learning how to drive after my father died.

She had also always been something of an pack-rat. Today, there is a name for this: compulsive hoarding. But at the time when I was grappling with this issue in terms of my own mother, I did not know it was an illness for which there might be a treatment; I simply put it down to another of my mother’s eccentricities. I would clear out as much of the clutter as she would permit (there remained piles that I was forbidden to touch), and a week or so later, my efforts were obliterated. It was not at all unlike Sisyphus pushing his boulder up the mountain.

After several years of this, the hoarding had gotten so out of control that I began to fear for my mother’s safety. I was able to convince her that she needed help; she allowed me to hire a cleaning woman to do her laundry, dust, vacuum the floor, and keep the bathroom and kitchen clean.

It was ultimately the cleaning woman—or, more to the point, the existence of the cleaning woman—which brought home to me the awful realization that something was far more seriously wrong with Mom than eccentric hoarding.

She and the cleaning woman didn’t hit it off, largely because Mom did not like anyone else touching her things. The woman, goodhearted and a good worker, called me to complain about what she could see was a losing battle. I was struggling over how to handle the situation when it resolved itself. Mom called me late one night in a real panic; I needed to come over at once. There was a terrible problem.

When I arrived, she pointed to a hole in the dining-room window screen—no more than two inches in diameter.

“That woman you hired is stealing from me,” she said in a tremulous voice tinged with outrage. “Do you see that? That’s how she’s getting in. She’s sneaking in, crawling in through that hole.”

To be continued …

NOTE: The Alzheimer’s Association is not responsible for information or advice provided by others, including information on websites that link to Association sites and on third party sites to which the Association links. Please direct any questions to weblink@alz.org.

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The Instant

13 Sunday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Life Poetic

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Tags

Poems, Poetry, writing

MorgueFile Image

Some of you know that I began my writing life as a poet. It occurs to me that a section featuring some of my poetry might be a nice addition to the blog, so today I bring you The Life Poetic.

Hope that you’ll find it to be a nice addition, too. Any previously published poems of mine will be indicated as such, and will include the appropriate credits. As it happens, today’s poem is making its debut here on The Midlife Second Wife.

The Instant

Remind me to remember
Remind me not to
Don’t forget
The light is on
Don’t forget
To turn the light off
We must bank the light
For when
It will be dark when
We most need it
light

It will be dark—
The darkness we know
Or the darkness we don’t know

Let’s just keep standing
Here, beneath the full-moon light
Breathing our vivid breath
Let’s just keep standing
Your hand in my hand
In your hand

How lovely not to know
Where I begin and you end.

—Marci Rich

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Walk as Though Your Life Depends on It

12 Saturday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Healthy Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

exercise, Health, Walk-ilates, Walking

Canadian geese on the Vita Trail at Byrd Park in Richmond

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she is.

—Ellen DeGeneres

I’ve never been much of a runner. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ve never been a runner. I remember getting winded in high school before ever reaching the first curve in the outdoor track. Now that I’m older, my knees are shot. And it wasn’t from running, I can tell you that. And so, especially after my back gave me so much trouble this fall, I’ve begun walking regularly—physical therapist’s orders. My friend Andrea and I meet at Byrd Park in Richmond three mornings a week and walk two miles on the Vita Trail, or walking path. I took this picture of Canadian geese in September with my iPhone, during a layover in their Southern migration. (I know they’re looking for food, but seriously, why walk when you can fly?)

In truth, I have always liked walking. My mother never learned how to drive (well, she did after my father died, but that’s another story), so we walked a lot of places. Or took a taxi, which I found excruciatingly embarrassing, especially when it involved going to the supermarket where I was certain someone from school would see us; or we would bide our time until she could line up my grandfather or one of her friends to drive us where we needed to go.

I remember running—walking—errands for her when I was young; going to Dombrowski’s, the corner store, to pick up milk and bread. If she wanted something that they didn’t carry, I’d walk down one more block to Frank’s Market. I walked to church (one mile); to my grandparents’ house (a quarter-mile); and—when I was really in a jam, home from high school (just under three miles). And all of this before anyone ever really thought of walking as exercise. Back then, it was just the easiest way to get from one place to another.

Never an athlete, I looked for the path of least resistance when it came to my physical education requirement in college. That’s how I discovered power walking. It was great! I could actually burn calories, get my heart rate up, and tone my legs simply by putting one foot in front of the other at a brisk pace. Who knew?

Now that I’m in my fifties, exercise is more crucial than ever before, and not just because of my age. My father died of a heart attack at the age of 48, so genetics isn’t necessarily on my side; I need aerobic exercise to help combat the hand I was dealt. The genes that my mother contributed brought their own shortcomings to the table. She had severe osteoporosis; a fractured hip, her second, led to her death in 2000 along with complications from dementia. I’ve been diagnosed with osteopenia, so a weight-bearing exercise such as walking is hugely beneficial for someone with my history. I’ll be writing more about issues of bone loss in future posts. But as for walking, it is clear that the health benefits are legion.

It’s not easy to incorporate regular and varied exercise into your life if it was never really there to begin with, so for me, walking is the least expensive and most advantageous thing I can do right now. I do have to be cautious, however; after breaking my left leg at the knee several years ago, I find myself in pain if I start out too quickly. With the weather turning colder, both knees are stiff and sore. I know that I’ll have to find a walking substitute soon.

I might try this new thing called Walk-ilates, moves that focus on weak muscles affecting one’s stride. That sounds good. (Although you apparently need a magic circle and a foam-roller-thingie to do the exercises. I used to have a magic circle, but I can’t remember—did I sell it before moving to Virginia? Is it packed away up in the attic? These are the thoughts that deter me from getting on with an exercise program.)

Walk-ilates won’t fulfill my need for aerobic exercise during the winter months, but for that I might be able to incorporate the steps in our townhouse. Or pretend to be a goose and chase the cat around.

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The Shortest Blog Post Ever: An 11-word story in honor of 11/11/11

11 Friday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Writing Life

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

11/11/11, blogging, fiction, writing

—MorgueFile Image

 

Evelyn would never forget the day when people stopped recognizing her.

If you would like to read more, please drop me a line in the comments section below. (It can be more than 11 words.) I’ll write the story and post it here at a future date.

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