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The Midlife Second Wife ™

~ The Real and True Adventures of Remarriage at Life's Midpoint

The Midlife Second Wife ™

Monthly Archives: January 2012

Boomers and Retirement: Preparing for the ‘New Normal’

30 Monday Jan 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Midpoints, Monday Morning Q & A, Money Matters

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Baby boomer, Finances, Financial planner, Individual Retirement Account, Money, Pension, Retirement, Roth IRA, Savings account

A Talk with Financial Professional Michelle Mast

Last year, on 1/1/11, the very first baby boomers turned 65; the world welcomes the second wave this year. Happy Birthday, Boomers! If you’re keeping count, between 2011 and 2029, all baby boomers—the cohort born between 1946 and 1964—will have reached the age of 65. In seasons past, that was the age that marked the traditional start of retirement. But it’s a new dawn, a new day, and as Bob Dylan wrote, the times they are a-changin’.

Have you changed with them? If so, and one of your resolutions for the New Year is to save money for your retirement, congratulations! If not, and you are a boomer, then all you have is company to go with your misery, and a future that could be blowin’ in the wind.

Retirement

Image by 401K via Flickr

Michelle Mast is a professional CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ with AXA Advisors, LLC. She says that in 2011, 60 percent of baby boomers saved less than $100,000 toward their retirement1. Mast received a Certificate in Retirement Planning from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania for completing the AXA Equitable at Retirement program. But you don’t need a certificate from Wharton to know that this statistic does not paint a pretty picture. Mast recalls that the rule of thumb used for projecting a person’s retirement plan once called for them to set aside 75 percent of what it cost to live in the manner to which they are accustomed. (We’ll talk in a moment about that.) Today, she says three factors have conspired to drive that projection from 75 percent up to 100 percent: mortality (people are living longer), inflation (‘nuff said), and health care expenses (ditto).

This is enough to send a person diving underneath the sofa cushions—if not to look for loose change, then to hide from the wolf at the door.

I recently spoke with Mast about strategies that might help those who haven’t saved enough for retirement.

TMSW: Michelle, the statistic about the number of boomers who don’t seem ready for retirement is pretty sobering.

MM: I know. And that’s the upside. Research also shows that during the same year, 36 percent of boomers saved less than $25,000 towards retirement, and 29 percent saved less than $10,0002.

What accounts for these low numbers?

There just aren’t as many pension plans today as there were in our parents’ generation. And market volatility may also be playing a role in many cases. But studies show that 14% percent of individuals have no retirement vehicle at all—not even an IRA account3.

This suggests to me that the retirement my generation envisioned may not be the norm.

That’s right. There may be what some people consider to be a “new normal.” A good number of people will be working during their retirement. This is significant: 50 percent of current retirees are finding that their actual retirement spending is equal to or higher than their spending prior to retirement4. Now in some cases, this is because people are doing things they weren’t able to do while they were working—traveling, for example. But people are generally living longer—into their 70s, 80s, and even 90s—especially women. Women have many financial concerns and are an extremely important part of what I’m saying now.

Well, what can be done to turn the tide?

People really just have to focus on savings; there is no such thing as a “retirement loan!” The only way to create the money for retirement is to save the money for retirement. Going backwards, analyze your current cash flow. Are there expenses you don’t have to incur? Can you set aside $10 a month? If so, put this toward an emergency reserve or a retirement account.

Really? Will $10 a month make a difference? I mean, I sometimes think that my nickel-and dime-approach to savings is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic; at the end of each month, I take whatever is left in my wallet, add it to the change I’ve dumped in my little tin can, and put it in a savings account.

There’s no silly way to save. What is important is saving.

Can you talk a bit about that “emergency reserve”? We’ve all been taught how important it is to save for a rainy day. How much should a person plan on setting aside for the deluge?

In the past, the rule of thumb was to have six months of your living expenses in an emergency reserve; that is, in a savings vehicle that’s liquid, where you can access the funds easily if you need to. But in light of all the volatility of the past four years, the conventional wisdom now is that your emergency reserve should be closer to a year’s worth of living expenses. So if you have $3,000 in expenses each month—mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc.—you should have almost $36,000 in your emergency reserve.

I’m going to need more dimes and quarters…You mention a vehicle that’s liquid. You mean like a savings account?

The formula is going to be different for everybody, but yes, a savings account, but also other places where you could house a portion of this money, for example: a money-market deposit account or a certificate of deposit. The idea is to have the money work as hard for you as it can while still maintaining liquidity.

Going back to my measly little $10 a month, if I want to use it to begin saving toward retirement, which investment strategy makes the most sense?

IRAs, or Individual Retirement Accounts, are savings vehicles you can consider for retirement, depending on your particular situation. There are two different kinds of IRAs—a Traditional IRA and a Roth IRA. Here are the key differences:

  • A Traditional IRA will give you a tax deduction at the time you make a contribution. The money will grow, tax-deferred, but when you take it out during retirement, it will be considered taxable income. One thing to bear in mind with a Traditional IRA is that when you reach the age of 70-and-a-half, you have to distribute the Required Minimum Distribution.
  • A Roth IRA is different in that respect; you actually don’t ever have to take money out of it, which makes it a nice legacy to pass on. But if you do take out a withdrawal, the good news is that the money you take out is not taxable income, because Roth IRAs are funded with after-tax dollars. There are, however, no tax deductions for the money you contribute to a Roth IRA; nevertheless, that money will grow tax-deferred, just like the Traditional IRA. This is important to bear in mind: studies have shown that any tax-free benefits during retirement are generally good features. In fact, increasingly 401(k)s are including a Roth feature. Keep in mind that your choice of retirement planning strategies should be based entirely on your individual needs, goals, risk tolerance, and particular situation.

You can also combine distributions when you reach 70; take some funds out of each type of IRA account to minimize your taxable cost.

I’ve heard the term “dollar cost averaging,” but I’m not sure I understand what it means. Can you shed some light on the subject?

Market volatility might cause investors to shift their investment strategy away from equities (stocks). But history suggests that a down market may be a good time to consider investing—and dollar cost averaging (or systematic investing) can be effective because it essentially provides the opportunity to purchase more shares less expensively. With dollar cost averaging, the amount you invest on a regular basis is always the same, meaning that you buy more shares when the price is low and fewer shares when the price is high. This spreads out your cost basis over several years, which helps provide insulation against short-term changes in market price; a lower average cost can ultimately equal a higher return when the market goes back up. First, you’d decide exactly how much money you feel comfortable investing each month, but be sure that you’re financially capable of keeping that amount consistent. You’d next select a long-term investment in which you would like to invest your money. Then, at regular intervals (weekly, monthly, or quarterly), you would invest that money into the investment you’ve chosen. Of course, generally speaking, all investments in equities are subject to fluctuation in value and market risk, including loss of principal—and it’s very important to understand that while dollar cost averaging has the potential to reduce the average cost of a share of stock, it does not guarantee a profit or protect against loss in declining markets. To be effective, there must be a continuous investment regardless of price fluctuations, and you must consider your financial ability to continue making purchases through periods of low price levels.

Some people might be fearful of meeting with a financial professional because they think they cannot afford it. Does a person pay a fee, the way one would pay a doctor or a lawyer, to obtain financial advice?

I experience this question often. Generally speaking, there are three ways that financial professionals get paid: fee-based, commission based, or a combination of both. All are fine; it just depends on the client’s objective and needs. For example, if a person only wants financial advice and doesn’t necessarily want to purchase investments, then he or she would consider a fee-based adviser.

At the end of the day, you want a financial professional who will be unbiased. I’m not going to recommend one account or fund or investment institution over another because of how it might affect my commission. I’ll suggest an account or a provider to you because I believe it’s the best for you.

Michelle, thank you so much for taking time away from your busy schedule to speak with me about these important money matters.

You’re welcome, Marci! It was my pleasure.

1Source: 2011 Retirement Confidence Survey conducted by The Employee Benefit Research Institute (EBRI).

2Source:2011 Retirement Confidence Survey (EBRI)

3Source: Bankers Life and Casualty Company Center for a Secure Retirement, Middle Income Boomers, Financial Security and the New Retirement, 2011.

4Source: 2010 Retirement Confidence Survey, March 2010, Employee Benefit Research Institute, 2010.

Michelle Mast, CFP® , CLU, MBA

Michelle Mast is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional and holds the Chartered Life Underwriter designation. She has been associated with AXA Advisors for more than 24 years. She works with individuals as well as corporations on both a personal and corporate basis in developing and implementing financial strategies to help them work toward their financial objectives and goals. Mast works in individual financial planning, retirement planning, risk management, college education funding, and strategies for estate planning. She has received the title of Qualified Plan Specialist based on her successful completion of an internal AXA Advisors training program and a written assessment, as well as the title of Retirement Planning Specialist by AXA Advisors, based upon the successful receipt of a Certificate in Retirement Planning from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania for completing the AXA Equitable at Retirement program. Previous work experience includes positions in the accounting and banking field. During her tenure with AXA Advisors she has received numerous awards, including being named to the company’s Hall of Fame and being named a Centurion Leader, and earning the National Growth award and Hallmark honors. Mast was one of 30 select women to participate in the AXA Women’s Council to further women in financial planning and management. She also focuses on assisting women in financial planning and works to incorporate women’s financial concerns with regard to divorce and widowhood. She conducts workshops on financial matters. Mast is a member of the Financial Planning Association and has earned a Bachelor of Science Degree in Accounting from New York University and a Master of Business Administration degree in Finance from Hofstra University.

Michelle Mast CFP®, CLU, offer securities through AXA Advisors, LLC (NY, NY 212-314-4600) member FINRA, SIPC. Investment advisory services are offered through AXA Advisors, LLC, an investment advisor registered with the SEC. Annuity and insurance products offered through AXA Network, LLC.  Individual Financial Professionals may transact business and/or respond to inquiries only in states(s) in which they are properly registered and/or licensed. AXA Advisors, AXA Network, and AXA Equitable Life Insurance Company (NY, NY) are affiliated companies and  do not provide tax or legal advice. Be sure to consult your own tax and legal advisors regarding your particular circumstances.

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Greek Penne Pasta

27 Friday Jan 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Cooking, Feta, Food, Pasta, Pine nuts, recipes

Do I love pasta? Of course I do—I’m half Sicilian! But this recipe, with its decidedly Greek flavors, is one of my favorite ways to prepare it. It’s quite simple to make, with only nine ingredients. (Remember the block of frozen spinach I disparaged in one recent recipe? It makes an important appearance here. Sometimes frozen works just fine.)

Because this dish has so few ingredients, each is essential to its success; this is not the time to skimp. Pine nuts are expensive right now, but you’ll only need two tablespoons’ worth for this—buy a small package, keep them in an air-tight container in the refrigerator, and they’ll last you for months. The feta cheese should be the best you can find; Ellwood Thompson’s, in Richmond, has a Bulgarian feta made from sheep’s milk. It lends just the right bite. Don’t substitute canned tomatoes for fresh; if tomatoes aren’t in season—or you can’t find good quality plum tomatoes in the produce section—wait until summer to make this. Serve it warm, as soon as it’s ready, but know that it keeps beautifully for several days in the refrigerator, and also tastes delicious cold.

Greek Penne Pasta

—Serves 6

12 ounces penne
5-1/2 teaspoons good olive oil
2 tablespoons pine nuts
5 cloves garlic, minced
1 (10-ounce) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and well-drained
4 large plum tomatoes, chopped (about 8 ounces)
8 ounces feta cheese
1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Cook the pasta according to the directions on the package. Drain and set aside. If necessary, cover to keep warm.

Heat a large non-stick skillet with 1/2 teaspoon olive oil, then add 3 teaspoons more to the skillet; heat the oil over medium heat. Add the pine nuts and garlic. Cook and stir about 5 minutes, or until the pine nuts are lightly golden. Then stir in the spinach (be sure it’s well-drained—I squeeze it in my hands to get rid of any excess moisture) and tomatoes. Cook about 3 minutes or until heated through, stirring occasionally. Season lightly with salt and pepper.

 

Meanwhile, using a pastry blender, crumble the feta in a medium-size bowl and set aside.

To serve, place half of the hot pasta in a large bowl and drizzle with 1 teaspoon of the remaining olive oil. Gently toss until coated. Add the remaining pasta, drizzle with the remaining 1 teaspoon olive oil and gently toss. Then add the spinach mixture and toss. Finally add the feta cheese, additional salt and pepper to taste, and toss until well combined.

Adapted from Healthy Homestyle Cooking by Evelyn Tribole (Rodale Press 1994)

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TMSW is Five-Months Old Today!

24 Tuesday Jan 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in What's the Buzz?

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Blog, BlogHer, Bloglovin, Facebook, NaBloPoMo, Twitter, WordPress, writing

MorgueFile Image

(Want to help me celebrate? Read through to the end of this post to find out how!)

Five months ago today, I hit “publish” on the very first post for The Midlife Second Wife. What a long way we’ve come in such a short time! I thought you might like to hear about some of these developments, and a few new offerings planned for the coming months.

Last night, the blog welcomed its 12,001st visitor to the site. I have to say that this number has me a bit flabbergasted—I had hoped to reach 10,000 visitors after my first year of blogging. If the trend continues, 20,000 readers will have passed through these pages by our one-year anniversary.

Your fellow subscribers now number 273: 133 are following by email or readers, 25 are following the comments, and 115 join us by way of Twitter.

I’m going to add another opportunity today for readers to climb aboard: a site based in Sweden, Bloglovin.com, acts as a sort of storage locker for people who follow a lot of different blogs, organizing them all in one place. I’ll be adding a widget to my site so that Bloglovin’ lovers can share the TMSW love.

TMSW has won two awards from bloggers: the Liebster and the Versatile Blogger Award. In November, TMSW was featured on WordPress’ “Freshly Pressed,” an event that brought more than 5,000 visitors to the site in less than two days. Also in November, the highly respected publishing network BlogHer syndicated one of my posts. Fifty-five of you like me, you really like me, on Facebook, too.

So what’s next? Well, I’ll continue posting two to three times each week. (I also hope to pick a quiet month when my freelance work subsides and do another NaBloPoMo with BlogHer). You’ll see the recipe files getting thicker, and you’ll have more interviews with experts to enjoy. I’ll even begin sprucing the place up a bit. I’ll be asking for your opinion in a few readers’ polls, too.

We now have our 110 charter members of the Midlife Second Wives’ club, and they can expect to hear from me in the weeks ahead. I need to think of an idea for the second-tier membership group, too; if you have any ideas for that, please let me know! I’ll also get to work on our Midlife Second Wives’ Hall of Fame.

And by all means, please send me your ideas for articles, post your comments, and share the articles you like on Facebook.

While we’re on the subject….I have a favor to ask you. It’ll help us all celebrate this five-month milestone!

Close your eyes, think back, and pick out your favorite post from the last five months. Got one? Good. Now, email a link to that post to three of your friends, letting them know about the blog, and invite them to sign up. (This is important: send me a blind copy of your email so that I’ll know where the new subscribers are coming from.) I’ll enter your email in a drawing for a special prize for each new subscriber that comes my way through your efforts.

(I promise it will be useful and tasteful, not like the Leg Lamp “Major Award” that the Old Man received in A Christmas Story.)

Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing!

—XOXOTMSW

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Breaking Eggs, Making Omelets: The Midlife Marriage Proposal

23 Monday Jan 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Midpoints, Relationships and Family Life, Remarriage, Transitions

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Life, Love, midlife, Remarriage

MorgueFile Image

Someone very wise once told me: “If you want to make an omelet, you have to break some eggs.” Two years ago today, my husband John proposed marriage while we were enjoying a breakfast of omelets at one of our favorite haunts in Oberlin, Ohio—the Black River Café. We had been dating for a little more than seven months. We were each in our 50s. We were about to break a whole lot of eggs.

Nothing worth having in life is without sacrifice, which is what my sage friend was getting at. John was most definitely worth having. There were, however, a few built-in challenges. At the time of John’s proposal, he had been out of work for a year and in the midst of a nationwide job search. The chances were slim-to-zero that he would find a position in his field that would keep him—I mean us, for we were becoming an us—in Northeast Ohio. I was quite aware that by accepting his proposal, life as I knew it could change seismically. The metaphor represented by our breakfast was not lost on me.

I’ve written about this subject before, in an essay for the Richmond Times-Dispatch, so I’ll try not to go over old ground. What strikes me about this lovely little anniversary we’re marking today is not so much the eggs that we broke (for that you can read the essay), but the omelet we’ve made and continue to make.

Tom Hanks’ character Forrest Gump famously said: “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” With all due respect, I think that somewhat misses the mark; it suggests that you just sit back and let life come at you, like a barrage of chocolate-covered confections. Sure, you make a selection from the sampler, but it’s already there for you, prepared and preconceived. Or, if you like,  preordained.

For my money, life is more like an omelet. You have to break something (or break with something)—a routine, a way of life, the place you’ve lived—to create anew. You can fill it with whatever you like, and it sustains you. But the key difference is this: you are an active participant in its making, rather than a passive recipient in the taking.

So what is this omelet that John and I are making, anyway? It derives, as I said at the outset, from a whole lot of broken eggs: a move to a different part of the country, a new job for him, a new career path for me, a separation for both of us from our children.

This omelet/life of ours is spartan because of where we’re starting from—we won’t get fat off of it.

A year-long layoff brings with it debt; an inability to find work in a new city means a career change and a sporadic income. We’re building this new life with an eye toward nutrition rather than frills. What do we need? What are the essentials? What can we postpone or get by without? We allowed ourselves a wedding, to mark the life-moment for us and for our children so we would all have a real, glorious memory—but we have postponed a honeymoon. We rented for almost the first year of our marriage, then bought a house that we could afford, not one that would have given us more space. We curtail what we spend on entertainment, on clothing, and on anything that doesn’t contribute to getting us back on solid financial ground.

No, we’re not getting fat from this omelet. But from these limitations comes a real awareness of what is most important in life: our love, our life together, our health and our happiness. This life, now, with its challenges and limitations, is delicious.

Remarriage at life’s midpoint brings with it an awareness of something else: ephemerality. I should add then that our omelet/life is notable for its shelf-life. We know we won’t live long enough to celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary. If we make it to our 80s, we could swing a silver anniversary. But no one knows this better than we do: You can get married in your 20s and 30s and have no guarantee of a golden wedding anniversary. So the bottom line is this: we don’t know how many years we get together. None of us do.

And this is why John and I celebrate these sweet little milestones in our life together.

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Why the Blog Wore Black to the SOPA Opera

20 Friday Jan 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Writing Life, What's the Buzz?

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

blogs, Censorship, PIPA, SOPA

SOPA Resistance Day!

If you stopped by the blog on January 18, you were probably surprised to find it cloaked in black. (If you tried to look anything up on Wikipedia that day, you’d have encountered a similar blackout.) And take a look at the black ribbon in the upper-right corner of TMSW that says “Stop Censorship.” That ribbon will remain there until January 24. Here’s why: The Midlife Second Wife, along with about 13 million others, took a stand this week to protest proposed U.S. legislation that threatens Internet freedom: the Stop Internet Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect IP Act (PIPA).

Let me be clear: Copyright infringement is wrong. Online piracy is wrong. Rogue websites are wrong. But so is censorship, and from what I’ve read on the subject, the two bills that Congress proposed, although well-meaning, would have done far more harm than good. One commentator likened it to taking a sledgehammer to the Internet when what’s needed is a scalpel. There’s got to be a solution, but SOPA and PIPA ain’t it.

David Carr, one of the smartest critics around, covers technology, media, and popular culture for the New York Times. He and his colleague, Jenna Wortham, explain the issues quite well in several articles; I’ve included them for those who want to know more. In “The Danger of an Attack on Piracy Online,” he quoted First Amendment lawyer Lawrence H. Tribe:

Laurence H. Tribe, the noted First Amendment lawyer, said in an open letter on the Web that SOPA would “undermine the openness and free exchange of information at the heart of the Internet. And it would violate the First Amendment.”

This afternoon I received an email from fightforthefuture.org announcing that Wednesday’s Web moratorium had the desired effect: Congress kicked the can on both bills today.

One more word about all of this before we return you to your regularly scheduled digest of marital musings, recipes, and midlife meanderings. I have pretty strong political beliefs, and heretofore I’ve tried to keep them out of the blog. That might have been an idealistic, even silly goal. I don’t live in a vacuum and I certainly oughtn’t blog in one. But I also don’t want my views to overwhelm this site; if I wanted to write a political blog I’d have started one. So you can be certain that when I take a stand on something in this venue, as I did this week, it’s for a powerful reason. As a writer living in a free society, I’m painfully aware that there are writers in areas of the world who are not able to express their beliefs for fear of reprisal, prison, or worse.

My blog’s cloak of black on Wednesday is as much a stand in solidarity with them as it is in opposition to SOPA and PIPA.

And now friends, it’s time to cook something.

RELATED ARTICLES:
“The Danger of an Attack on Piracy Online
,” David Carr, The New York Times

“How I’m Surviving (Or Trying to) Without Wikipedia at my Fingertips,” David Carr, The New York Times

“A Political Coming of Age for the Tech Industry” Jenna Wortham, The New York Times

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One Skillet, Three Power Foods (Hint: One of Them is Spinach)

15 Sunday Jan 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought, The Healthy Life

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Cooking, Food, Garlic, Olive oil, recipes, Spinach

Before …

While there are certain vegetables that leave me cold no matter how they’re prepared (can you say Brussels sprouts?), I have always loved spinach. I’ve gone on the record before about the excellence of my mother’s cooking and baking. Nevertheless, the cooking going on in her kitchen circa 1950s and 1960s often gave preference to the convenience factor; her method of preparing spinach, for example, consisted of thawing a block of Birdseye. To her credit, she did spritz the cooked green mush with fresh lemon. How many nutrients we ended up with I cannot say.

When I began to cook, I reached back a generation for my Sicilian grandmother’s approach to cooking the leafy green vegetable: sautéed with garlic in olive oil.

This recipe—such a nice, bright accompaniment to grilled fish or meat—is so simple and swift as to be laughable. And exactly how good is it for you? Let’s take the three ingredients one by one, shall we?

Spinach

  • Rich in minerals such as potassium, manganese, zinc, magnesium,  iron, and calcium
  • Source of such vitamins as folate, niacin, Vitamin A, B6, and C
  • Packed with thiamine and riboflavin, and such beta carotene and lutein
  • Low in fat

Translated, this means that spinach is good for your eyesight, as it protects you from age-related macular degeneration and cataracts; it’s good for your blood pressure and helps prevent atherosclerosis and heart attack; it strengthens your muscles and helps with bone mineralization; and it includes other neurological, antiulcerative, and anti-cancerous benefits.

Garlic

  • Boosts our natural supply of hydrogen sulfide, which acts as an antioxidant, relaxing blood vessels and increasing blood flow
  • A garlic rich diet appears to protect against various cancers, including breast, prostate, and colon cancer

Olive Oil

Yes, olive oil is a fat. But it’s a good fat, just like Glinda in The Wizard of Oz is a good witch. The reason the fat in olive oil is healthy is because it is a monounsaturated fatty acid, which helps to lower your total cholesterol.

… and After

As for simple and swift, you’ll have this prepared in under 10 minutes. Don’t believe me? Go ahead, time it.

Sicilian Sautéed Spinach

—Serves 4

1 bunch of fresh (preferably organic) spinach
2 cloves garlic, minced
1-2 tablespoons olive oil
Kosher salt to taste

Wash and rinse spinach, remove stems, and tear into medium-size pieces

Preheat your non-stick skillet over medium heat for about 30 seconds, then add olive oil. Increase the heat to medium-high and heat the oil for about 30 seconds more.

Add garlic to hot oil, stirring quickly. Don’t let it burn or brown.

When garlic looks translucent, add a handful or two of spinach, stirring quickly with tongs. The spinach will cook down quickly; add the rest in batches until it’s all cooked down and bright green. Sprinkle kosher salt, to taste, to bring out the flavors. Serve.

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… and the Versatile Blogger Award Goes to …

12 Thursday Jan 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Relationships and Family Life, The Healthy Life, The Writing Life, What's the Buzz?

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Blog Awards, blogs, Cancer, Life, writing

Bloggers are certainly a supportive and encouraging group! A compatriot has bestowed another award upon The Midlife Second Wife. “The Versatile Blogger Award” comes to me from a photographer in Minnesota who blogs at From Moments to Memories. My thanks to her for not only visiting and reading TMSW, but also for giving it some lovely emerald-green bling!

There are a few bits of housekeeping that go with accepting this award. In addition to thanking my nominator and linking to her site, I’m to share with you seven things about myself that you might not otherwise know. (Are there things about me that I haven’t already told you on this blog? Yes, gentle reader. There are.)

However. I’m going to save the list of revelations for the end of this article, because by my lights, the best thing about this award is not that I get to tell you more about me (blah-blah-blah-blog), but that I get to blog it forward by giving the award to 15 of my favorites.

I ask you now to imagine me wearing an Atelier Versace gown as I approach the microphone to announce these outstanding nominees and award winners. In no particular order, they are:

Diana Patient: Photography

Savory Simple

Momo Fali

Dating Dementia

Late Bloomer Bride

Simply Solo

Stirrup Queens

Pen in Hand: Words and Drawings by Karen Sandstrom

Jane in Her Infinite Wisdom

Love, Your Copyeditor

WordCount

The Cooking Bride

ph.d. in creative writing

Sudden Flashes of Inspiration

MidLife Bloggers

Let’s give them a round of applause and a look-see!

And now, as promised, here are Seven Things You Don’t Know About TMSW
(and yes, they’re all true):

1. I was 13 years old before I learned how to ride a bike.

2. I met my first husband in divorce court.

3. I was told once that I had eye cancer.

4. Days later, I was told that I had thyroid cancer.

5. It turns out that I didn’t have eye cancer after all.

6. I did, however, indeed have thyroid cancer, but surgery and a “smart pill” laced with radioactive iodine fixed me up. (No, I don’t glow in the dark.)

7. I will write about these events, and more, in future editions of TMSW.

Let’s not end this post in a minor key. As Fran Drescher says, “Cancer Schmancer.”

I’m healthy, I’m married to the love of my life, I’ve got a wonderful son and great stepsons—they’re healthy, too—and I’m spending my days doing what I love: Writing. And cooking. And, it seems, passing around blogging awards like a kid in grade school, handing out cookies on her birthday. All in all, life is good.

I hope that life is good for you, too.

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January Spring Fever

07 Saturday Jan 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Indulgences, Nostalgia, The Cultured Life

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

1950s nostalgia, Life, musicals, spring fever

I took this picture of our porch a few days before Christmas. The pansies, a flower beloved in Virginia, are a riot of color.

As I write this, it is 70-degrees outside. It is also January 7, and this Ohio gal, who abandoned the Lake Effect for Virginia, is grappling with the glorious consequences of global warming. My environmentally-sensitive conscience tells me I should feel guilty, but my heart tells my conscience to go pound salt while skipping every other beat with joy—a symptom of that wondrous malady known as spring fever.

I have always loved this song; it reminds me of my mother. Every time it came on the radio, she’d begin singing along to it. Now, every time the weather turns balmy—especially when it shouldn’t—the lyrics wind around my heart like a soft ribbon. I feel a tug, think of my mother, and begin to sing about jumpy puppets on strings. An added bonus of this clip is that Shirley Jones sang this on The Danny Thomas Show. Yesterday would have been Danny Thomas‘ 100th birthday. (It was also Joan of Arc’s 600th birthday, but that’s another story.)

What’s the weather like where you are?

Related Articles from TMSW:

“Marlo & Me—Prologue”
“A Tale of Two Deaths: Losing My Mother to Alzheimer’s—Part I”

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A New Year, A Time for New Endings

04 Wednesday Jan 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Midpoints, Relationships and Family Life, Remarriage, Transitions

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Life, New Year, Resolutions

—MorgueFile image

One of the best quotes I’ve come across in a long time—in two diverse venues—is from the writer Maria Robinson, who said: “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

This seems an appropriate way to start the first blog post of the new year, don’t you think?

Robinson’s quote also gave me pause. I had always thought that my remarriage represented a New Beginning, but perhaps that way of thinking has me coming down too hard on myself. At life’s midpoint, it does seem daunting, if not downright exhausting, to Start Over. Maybe it’s just useful semantics (my cockamamie tendency to be unusually susceptible to language), but when I begin to recalibrate my perspective as that of making a new ending rather than a new beginning, I do believe I can actually feel some of the pressure roll off my back.

Ah, the hopefulness of a new year.

While we’re on the subject of new endings, I want to share with you some more wonderful insights that fought their way to the surface of all the tinsel and glitter of the season. They’re from a terrific article, “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself,” and I want to give a shout out to the blog Marc and Angel Hack Life for being awesome. Here’s the top 10 from their list of 30. As resolutions go, these are pretty extraordinary.

  1. Stop spending time with the wrong people.
  2. Stop running from your problems.
  3. Stop lying to yourself.
  4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.
  5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not.
  6. Stop trying to hold onto the past.
  7. Stop being scared to make a mistake.
  8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes.
  9. Stop trying to buy happiness.
  10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.

There are 20 more of these, and many other articles on their blog that will make you stop and think. But before you go, and while I’ve got you thinking about new endings and old behaviors to stop, would you like to share one of your own resolutions in the comment section? What’s the one thing you’d like to stop doing this year? Or better yet, what’s the one ending you’d like to make new?

Happy New Year.

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