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The Midlife Second Wife ™

~ The Real and True Adventures of Remarriage at Life's Midpoint

The Midlife Second Wife ™

Monthly Archives: June 2012

Fifteen Shades of Gray

29 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Beautiful Life, Transitions

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

Beauty, Fashion, Hair, Hair care, Hair color, Silver hair, Style, Trends

“I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair—it just won’t behave…”

Thus begins the notorious novel Fifty Shades of Grey, by E.L. James. (If in fact that is her real name.) The central premise of this publishing phenomenon is not, as the opening sentence would suggest, the unruly state of the protagonist’s locks. And if you aren’t familiar with the book’s premise then tell me: “What’s it really like on Mars?”

No, the state of one’s hair is my concern—as chronicled in an earlier post and as I’m about to address here. My natural color is a deep, chestnut-brown, and it began betraying me, to the rhythm of what Margaret Atwood has called “the slow drip-drip of time,” in my early thirties. That’s when I boarded the dye train, with a ticket in hand that required a renewal every six weeks. Finally, after more than two decades of this relentless, expensive ride, I’d had enough. This year I’m embracing the gray.

Frustration at paying outrageous sums to a stylist, even one I liked enormously, served as my motivator. Little did I know that I was part of a trend, and that some women are actually paying good money to put in what I’ve been paying good money to take out.

I first noticed something was up years ago, when a stunning model with long, silver hair began showing up in my J. Jill catalog. “What’s this about?” I wondered. And then the epiphany struck: “Advertisers are finally paying attention to women of a certain age! That’s good!”

I’m not sure if Cindy Joseph gets the credit for starting the trend, but a trend it is, and christened as such by the New York Times, Huff/Post 50, MSNBC, and assorted beauty bloggers. I’m even seeing evidence in real life that the tide of dye has turned. I recently saw a lovely woman working at a home decor shop in Alexandria, Virginia, sporting a stylishly cut cap of silver hair.

Photo Courtesy of Jean L.

Jean L. graciously allowed me to interview her by email. The color you see in her photo is, she says, all natural. She is, she writes, “slightly older than what is considered a baby boomer.” She says she stopped dyeing her naturally dark-brown-with-auburn-highlights hair about 20 years ago. Here’s her story:

“I dyed my hair red for a number of years but the color would not stay. When I went to Aruba for ten days, the sun started bleaching out the color. Each day it got lighter; it was almost blonde when I flew home. I didn’t have time to color it and the next day everyone said they liked it blonde. I just stopped coloring it and it was white; I never had roots grow out.…I think the timing to let it go silver was the appropriate time for me.”

Jean’s photo belies the need for this question, but speaking for my own concerns, I had to ask her if she thinks her silver hair makes her look or feel older.

“I love my hair color. It actually gives me more confidence than when it was darker. I’m not afraid of it aging me as it actually looks better on me than my other, natural color. I think it is very stylish. A good cut and style helps.”

And the financial benefits to abandoning color?

“It’s absolutely been a savings. A cut and style is expensive enough.”

‘Nuff said. I’m already dreaming about what I’ll do with my new-found savings.

I did think I might be able to get away with keeping my hair long throughout this transition, but I was wrong. In the early weeks, it looked, well, charming—the way those little wisps of silver peeked out from my hairline. But as time went on, the little wisps disappeared and in their place was an odd sort of two-tone look, streaked with gray, that resembled the coiffure version of spectator pumps. I actually had three colors going: the new gray peeking through the real color of my hair, and, about a third of the way down, the dyed brown. It was not a good look for me. No, the best course of action was no doubt a short haircut. And the time was right, since summer can get brutally hot in Virginia.

As luck would have it, I had just read Style Weekly’s issue featuring the best of all things Richmond, which included their readers’ top pick in the hair-styling category: Imago, and the salon’s owner, curly hair expert Mary Jo Myers-Battiston. Not only did Imago receive Style Weekly’s blessing, Elle Magazine had named it one of the top 100 salons in the U.S. A place that specializes in curly hair? Ringing endorsements? This sounds like the place for me!

Renée, the receptionist, takes a picture of me mid-cut. Notice the 15 shades of gray (and brown).

I’ll write a future post about Imago—and the hope that its method gives to members of the curly-haired tribe—because I’m completely impressed. But for now, here’s the finished look, snapped before I left the salon:

The emphasis here is on the curl—and the fact that the gray no longer looks so out-of-place.

I can also smooth out the look with my flat iron. But regardless of how I style it, I’m cooler, the gray is blending in nicely with the rest of my hair, and I now have tons of extra time (and eventually money). The time I formerly spent styling my below-shoulder-length hair—I can use to finish Fifty Shades of Gray and a few other, slightly less sensational books. The money? If my financial planner has anything to say about it, I’ll save it.

Related Articles:

“Young Trendsetters Streak Their Hair with Gray”

“Gray Hair on Women Hits the Workplace”

“Granny Chic? Going Gray is a Hot New Hair Trend”

 

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You Say Tomato, I Say Tabouli …

20 Wednesday Jun 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Cook, Food, Herbs, Home, Middle East, Olive oil, recipes, Salads, Tomato

… or Tabooley. Or Tabbouleh. No matter how you spell it, this Middle Eastern salad is an incredibly delicious and refreshing addition to any summer meal. Vine-ripened tomatoes are abundant in Central Virginia now, and I’m looking forward to making my first tabouli of the season to accompany baked kibbee, the recipe for which I’ve already published on the blog. I took this photo last summer, before I had any idea I’d be a blogger. I suppose I could postpone this until I make it again and can take new pictures, but I hate to keep you waiting. So, as I’ve been known to say in my kitchen, “please pardon the mess.”

This recipe is a hybrid of what I could decipher from my Lebanese grandmother’s handwriting and an old community cookbook from Ohio. My best advice to you as you plan your shopping list is to make sure you’re buying fresh, vine-ripened tomatoes. If you can get them from a local farm stand or farmer’s market, that’s even better. In my list of culinary sins, nothing is worse than serving up a bland, pale, pithy tomato that traveled thousands of miles to land on your plate. And that’s today’s sermonette from the MSW. Now go, shop, prepare, and enjoy!

Tabouli

2 cups bulgur wheat
3 cups boiling water
3 teaspoons Kosher salt
1/2 to 3/4 cup lemon juice (approximately 4 lemons)
1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
3 bunches (2 cups) fresh mint leaves, chopped (I prefer using spearmint)
3 bunches fresh, curly parsley, chopped
2 bunches green onions, including tops, chopped
8 large tomatoes, cut into chunks
additional salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

Pour boiling water over bulgur wheat, cover, and let rest for 30 minutes. Meanwhile, using a food processor, chop mint leaves. Remove from processor bowl with a scraper and place in a large bowl. Add parsley to the food processor and repeat the procedure, scraping the chopped parsley into the bowl with the mint. Using either the processor or a sharp knive, chop the green onions with tops and add them to the mint and parsley mixture. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate.

After the bulgur wheat has been soaking in the water for 30 minutes, squeeze handfuls of it over an empty bowl, until all the excess water has drained away. Next,  add the lemon juice, olive oil, and salt, stir well, and refrigerate the wheat/dressing mixture for two to three hours.

Once the wheat mixture has chilled, add—in batches—the mint, parsley, and green onions. Cut up the tomatoes and add those to the mix. By this point I’ve abandoned all decorum and use my bare (very clean) hands to mix the salad. Adjust the flavor to your taste—additional salt, some freshly ground pepper, and perhaps more lemon juice.

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On This Day in History …

14 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Relationships and Family Life

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Anniversaries, Dating, Life, Love, Match.com, Relationships

On this day in history, three years ago, Marci Janas met John Rich. Fourteen months later, to the day, they were married. And so began the journey of The Midlife Second Wife.

Three years is a long time in midlife. It often seems, as with dogs, that there’s a seven-to-one ratio at play; aging progresses more quickly. Time certainly passes more quickly. The pages of the calendar don’t turn, they blow past—as though caught in a hurricane. And, as the wind blows, we’re more keenly aware than ever of our mortality, and of how precious each day really is.

I’m waxing philosophical with this anniversary because it is amazing to me that I’ve now known John for three whole years. Readers familiar with our story know we met on Match.com. Our first date—our first meeting—was at the Allen Art Museum on the campus of Oberlin College. We met outside the beautiful Cass Gilbert-designed jewel box of a building, and paused to get acquainted on the arbor bench under the tree at the top of the screen. We call it our “Laughing Tree.” If you don’t know that story, then by all means go and read it. Then come back. There’s something else I want to tell you.

And that is this—a wonderful thing that has made us smile each June 14th for the last two years. There are no “pages” to a calendar any longer, not really. (Some metaphors are difficult to abandon.) Like most everyone, John and I use the calendar on our iPhones or laptops. So when John and I were planning our first meeting, he entered this into the calendar on his phone: “June 14. Meet Marci at art gallery.” By some error of fateful import, however, he also clicked “Repeat this event.” Now, every June 14, this entry shows up on his calendar:

“Meet Marci at art gallery.”

Now that’s one way to ensure you never forget an anniversary.

Happy third-year-of-knowing-you, John. Here’s to many more.

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Apricot Pork Tenderloin: A Scissor-Worthy Recipe

13 Wednesday Jun 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Cooking, Dried Fruit, Food, Pork, recipes

On a recent trip to Fresh Market, I picked up two one-pound pork tenderloins on sale and popped them in our freezer. We have a small kitchen and no basement; the only freezer we have is (which is bigger than a breadbox, but just barely), is the one that came with our refrigerator. Consequently, there’s not a lot of room for, say, a side of beef, or even a turkey. (Well, I could probably squeeze in a turkey, but the ice cream and sorbet from Bev’s would have to go. Trust me, I have my priorities.) On occasion, however, if I see something I know is a bargain but can’t use it right away, I manage to find the room.

As you know, I am also an inveterate recipe clipper. That confession can be found in an earlier blog post. I promised to try the recipes I’ve amassed over the years, at random, and let you know how they turned out. Here, then, is the latest of my adventures—apricot pork tenderloin. I’m pleased to tell you that it is quite “scissor-worthy” indeed.

What I found appealing about it on a first read was its modest list of ingredients, the fact that it featured pork tenderloin, which John and I both love, and the lure of the dried fruit, which promised a marriage of sweet and savory that didn’t disappoint. And let’s all admit it: Sometimes when we want to cook, we don’t want to engage in an epic production. Sometimes we just want to throw something together quickly and have it be delicious. This one is. And we got three dinners out of it. This was a bargain that paid dividends. I served this with rice pilaf and roast asparagus. Enjoy!

Apricot Pork Tenderloin
—Serves Four

1 pound pork tenderloin*
1/2 teaspoon each: salt, cracked pepper
1/4 cup apricot preserves
1 tablespoon white-wine vinegar OR lemon juice
1 small clove garlic, pressed
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 cup EACH: water, chopped dried apricots, chopped prunes

*Remember, I doubled this recipe. To make eight servings with 2 pounds of pork, double everything else, too.

Pat tenderloin dry; rub with salt and pepper. Combine preserves, vinegar, garlic, and mustard in a small bowl. Brush some of the mixture over tenderloin; reserve extra mixture.

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium high. Brown tenderloin on all sides, about 5 minutes. Add water, chopped fruit, and any remaining apricot mixture to skillet. Cover; reduce heat to medium. Cook until thickest part of meat is pink, 10 to 15 minutes. Remove cover; raise heat slightly. Cook until pan juices reduce slightly, about 5 minutes. Thinly slice pork; top with fruit mixture.

Provenance: Judy Hevrdejs (Chicago Tribune), published in the Richmond Times-Dispatch. A link to the original recipe, as it appeared in the Chicago Tribune, can be found here.

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The Midlife Second Wife Honored by BlogHer as a ‘Voice of the Year’

05 Tuesday Jun 2012

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Writing Life, What's the Buzz?

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Alzheimer's disease, blogging, BlogHer, Dementia, writing

After considerable trial and error, one of the most important discoveries I made when I was a creative writing student at Oberlin College was finding my voice as a poet. Until I could tap into that intrinsic, pure, uniquely identifiable me, all I was doing was stringing words together with interesting line breaks. Over time, as a prose writer, I learned that my voice had different colors and tones, and that I could dispense with line breaks and keep sentences flowing, one after the other, to tell a story. This past year, as a relatively new blogger, I’ve experienced the twin thrills of immediacy and intimacy—by expressing my voice as The Midlife Second Wife, I began hearing from readers all over the world for whom, for whatever reason, my voice was compelling. Last week, I experienced another thrill: out of nearly 1,700 entries, readers and editors at BlogHer chose one of my posts and selected me as a Voice of the Year (VOTY) for 2012, in the category of Heart. (The other categories are Humor, Identity, Op-Ed, Parenting, and Visuals.) All in all, the jurors selected only 110 bloggers for VOTY. The awards will be conferred at the Community Keynote of BlogHer’s annual conference, held at the Hilton New York in August.

This is extraordinary recognition from an organization for which I have the utmost respect and admiration. As I begin reading through the other winning blog posts, it’s clear that I’m in phenomenal company. I extend my warmest congratulations to the other honorees, my deepest thanks to the judges, and my heartiest appreciation to you, my loyal readers.

You can read my winning post, “A Tale of Two Deaths: Losing My Mother to Alzheimer’s, Part I,” by clicking this link. As difficult a subject as this was to write—I posted this last November and found it was too painful to go on—I will be completing the series. My mother deserves to have her story told, and I dedicate my BlogHer VOTY award to her memory.

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