Marci, aka The Midlife Second Wife, with John on their wedding day. Photo credit: Roger Mastroianni

The single most important thing to making a marriage work is the ability of each party to tolerate the neuroses of the other. If you’re going to make it for the long haul, you’re going to have to learn to live with those neuroses. In fact, you’re going to have to learn to embrace them.

—Wendy Swallow
The Triumph of Love Over Experience

Marci Rich: What’s the secret to … a long, happy marriage?

Sissy Spacek: Marryin’ the right guy!

—from “Sissy Spacek’s Wonderful Life,” by Marci Rich in the Richmond Times-Dispatch

Don’t think the worst of your spouse.… I think we go to war not for what is true, but for what we think is true.…Don’t go to war for what you think your spouse is going to do.

—Phil Donahue

I can’t and won’t speak for my wife, but I can tell you my secret to a happy marriage: I just try to out-love her.

—John, by way of a wise elder

From TMSW readers:

Our favorite is “the bed fairy.” Confession. We don’t make our bed in the morning, since we’re often getting out of it at different times. So at night as bedtime nears, one of us sneaks in and straightens the bedclothes. Some nights it’s me, other nights it’s him. And then we joke about the “anonymous” bed fairy who came to do the deed.

—Karen P. Schaefer
11/07/2011

My hubby and I never say anything to intentionally hurt each other. Even when we’re angry and it would be so easy to say something like “you’re such a moron”, “you’re a slob”, etc., we both button our lips. Once something is out there, you can never take it back.

— Barb Disterhof
11/07/2011

Laugh, talk and listen. There will always be hard times but with someone you love and trust by your side, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.
******
My husband has just given me his thought: Marriage is a game of give and take; if you both give more than you take, you’re in for a happy partnership.

Aw bless, I am one lucky gal.

—roseshadows
roseshadows.wordpress.com
11/07/2011

Great question. I’ve written about this, so … to choose just one, I would say “keep an open heart at all times.” This seems to facilitate all the things we should do: have compassion, forgive, be kind, remove judgement, etc.
Nice to meet your blog!

—Kris
lifelearningtoday.com
11/08/2011

Try new things together! My husband and I are taking a Latin Dance class, it allows us once a week to focus on each other, learning a new skill, and having fun! We plan on taking an Italian class next!

— Jenn
sothisisloveinmaine.blogspot.com/
11/08/2011

Assume nothing. That’s the single best tip I live by and shout from the rooftops.

—Just Jane
janesinfinitewisdom.com
11/11/2011

the secrets of a happy relationship are simple:

1. you must never intentionally do or say anything designed to make your partner feel bad.

2. you must recognize that being the one who is “right” is not as important as both of you being happy.

3. you can be “right” without stressing that your partner is “wrong.”

4. if you truly “love” your partner, you will never call him/her “stupid” or other similar words, nor will you use phrases like “shut up.”

5. you will recognize the difference between a negative intent and a negative outcome. for example, if i attempt to help you carry something but end up breaking it, the fact that i was trying to help carry is more important than the result of it being broken.

6. you will never assume that your partner knows what you are thinking.

there are more, i’m sure.

RMV
11/29/11