Tag Archives: midlife

Greetings, Midlife Friends!

17 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by in Humor Me, Special Events, The Life Poetic

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

, , , ,

HollyDecember is here, and so time again
For season’s greetings to fine blogger friends.
A new group in town—this is no canard—
Broke ground along Midlife Boulevard.

With style and wit (but no fountain pen),
On bandwidth they ply their acumen.
For editors Mesdames Greenthal and Parris,
I bestow a day off with Bueller, Ferris.

Oh, the places they’ll go! The things they will see!
As they ride alongside that blonde, Shelley Z.
There to help them avoid a hazardous turn
Are Vikki Claflin and Jessica Bern.

May they shop ‘til they drop on Avenue Worth
(Laughing heartily with these ladies of mirth:
Tracy Beckerman, Jane Emaus, Barb Best, Tammy Bleck)
Let’s all end the night at a fun discotheque!

All roads lead to Rome (or New York or Boston),
So let’s give some plane tickets to Karen Austin.
When she arrives she’ll have fun pallin’
With Laurel Regan and Sandra Sallin.

Don’t look now (I said please don’t look)
But huddled together in a quiet nook,
And dining intime in this posh galleria,
Are Lisa Carpenter and Andy Garcia.

Oh my, Grandma! I best be brief
So as not to disturb your aperitif.
Far be it from me to annoy and to pester.
I’ll just go sit by my friend Cathy Chester.

We’ve much shopping to do, anyhow, anyway,
For Princess Rosebud and Judy Rothman Rofé.
Seashells for one, madeleines for the other.
For Risa Nye, a song sung by Usher.

What shall we buy Evelyn Kalinosky?
(And what shall we rhyme? Why, I know! Brioschi!)
May Evelyn never encounter distress.
But instead whirl around in a Furstenberg dress!

Here is my gift for the writer Jane Gassner:
A peck on the check from the actor Ed Asner,
May he star in a screenplay written by Jane,
Produced by our own Kim Jorgensen Gane.

And while we’re back on the subject of actors,
Let us take time to note an important factor:
Before there is acting there must be the word.
Actors are not just seen, they must also be heard.

So for blogger Mary Anne Tuggle Payne,
I’ve ordered a snuggle from Eddie Redmayne.
And a prayer for Barbara Hannah Grufferman,
That she’ll not find herself Waiting for Guffman.

But adieu, Hollywood, because we’ve a lotta
Travelin’ to do with Mindy Klapper Trotta.
We’ll head to Europe, but first to Great Britain
Come along, Rosalind Warren and Helene Cohen Bludman!

At Harrod’s we’ll purchase some brilliant bling
For Felice Shapiro and Shelley Emling.
For Ellen Dolgen, great closets of shoes.
Your usual suspects: Manolos and Choos.)

When dining in London, rare Beef Wellington
For Julie Phelps and Mary Dell Harrington.
In Italy we can’t forget the other Lisas—
Heffernan, Flowers, and Froman—we’ll order you pizzas!

Here’s haute couture from Paris
For Estelle Sobel Erasmus,
And Belgium chocolate, rich and dark,
for our idol, Lois Alter Mark.

P.K. Fields says that our time is now,
So to her a gold Rolex—oh golly! Oh wow!
Oh WHOA! When what do my wondering eyes appear,
Darryle Pollack and Lynn Forbes—they’re here!

They’re here! Their network’s a hit. (Have you seen it?)
Great chatter, great topics. (Proud to have been on it.)
To this dynamic duo we bestow
Two life-size Golden Globes.

Hard to carry around, but hey, what the hay?
YOLO, you know? Or so they say.
For the gentle and kind Lori Lavender Luz,
We’ve booked passage on a Viking River Cruise.

For intrepid traveler Carol Cassara,
An exquisitely jeweled ruby tiara.
And for Judy Krell Freedman and Sheryl Kraft,
A grand yacht apiece, complete with life rafts.

For the writer with the wondrous surname—
Barbara Storey—an inextinguishable flame.
And to she who won’t lean-in—Julie Danis—
I wish joy in her new-found work-and-life balance.

To all of the bloggers and writers called here,
I send you glad tidings and eggnog and cheer!
To those I forgot, I hope you’ll forgive
The poetic lapse in my narrative.

We’ll do this again in two thousand fourteen,
So I’ll see you back here midst the red and the green.
And my readers and followers, you know who you are,
Peace, love, and joy on your own boulevard.

To read the holiday poem from 2012, click here.

Do Advertisers Care What Boomers Think?

21 Wednesday Aug 2013

Posted by in Current Events, Money Matters, Technology

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

VerizonBoomerVoicesDisclosure: I am participating in the Verizon Boomer Voices program and will be provided with a wireless device and six months of service in exchange for my honest opinions about the product.

Earlier this month, Pam Flores of ComBlu—a social business and influencer marketing firm—interviewed me for her company’s blog, Lumenatti. One of ComBlu’s clients is Verizon; you might recall my earlier post (“Hey Boomers—Verizon Will Hear You Now”) in which I discuss my participation in the Verizon Boomer Voices program.

I want to share Pam’s article with you because you are either a Boomer (in or out of midlife), or you love someone who is. And here’s why you should care:

According to an article in Forbes.com (cited in my interview), five misconceptions come to mind when advertisers think about the Boomer demographic:

1. Boomers aren’t tech-savvy.

2. Older people aren’t cool.

3. Older adults don’t spend.

4. The “golden years” are a time of relaxation.

5. The older generation is always loyal to a brand.

Do you agree with any of this? After you’ve had a chance to read the interview, I’d love to hear your thoughts! You can share your comments below, or directly on the ComBlu site.

Thanks—and happy tech-ing and spending, you cool people, you!

Hey Boomers—Verizon Will Hear You Now

21 Friday Jun 2013

Posted by in Product Reviews, What's the Buzz?

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

VerizonBoomerVoices

Disclosure: I am participating in the Verizon Boomer Voices program and will be provided with a wireless device and six months of service in exchange for my honest opinions about the product.

Now hear this: Verizon is partnering with a select group of midlife bloggers across middle America as part of a new program called “Verizon Boomer Voices,” and they chose yours truly to lend her voice to the chorus. This an important step in the right direction—for boomers and for Verizon.

According to “The Boomer Consumer: Preparing for the Age Wave,” our cohort controls 77% of all U.S. financial assets and 50% of discretionary spending. And a 2012 article in the Huffington Post reported on a study by the media ratings firm Nielsen and BoomAgers, a creative company that assists companies in marketing to boomers. The study’s findings reveal that boomers, which will make up half the U.S. population by 2017, are “the most valuable generation.”

Pardon me while I indulge in a brief editorial digression:

Duh.

And yet, despite our obvious value, boomers have been largely invisible to advertisers and television programming executives. A segment on HuffPost Live last year, “Over 50, Under Counted,” focused on this oversight. One of my very smart boomer blogger friends, Darryle Pollack (in a previous life Darryle was a television reporter), contributed wisely to the conversation. And it delighted me to see that a comment I sent in during the segment’s live stream received attention by the moderators, even if the impossibly young woman did mispronounce my name as Marc. I. Rich.

With Verizon’s program, it appears as though at least one mega-brand recognizes that it’s good business to pay attention to our colossal clout.

Here’s how they’re doing it: Verizon will put some of its best technology into the hands of boomer bloggers who are keenly interested in learning more about tech and becoming something of an expert in the realm. Those among us who have felt sidelined by advertisers and the mainstream media should take heart by Verizon’s initiative. Verizon gets it. They care what we have to say. (And no NSA jokes, please.)

In an e-mail, Verizon Social Media Strategist Iskra Dobreva explained the evolution of the two-year-old Verizon Voices program, which, she notes, was established “to pull together like-minded bloggers to check out some of the latest and greatest Verizon devices, products, and accessories, and then network and share their experiences with one another, and with their readers and social following.”

Since its inception, the Verizon program has, according to Dobreva, “pulled together bloggers that focus on a variety of topics and interests, including sports, fashion, health and fitness, food, family life, etc. Boomer Voices is the latest group Verizon has launched.”

While the Verizon Voices program exists in a variety of markets in the United States, Dobreva notes that the program in which I’m participating is “a Midwest-based program and … the first time a group of Boomer bloggers was formed.”

Verizon is flying me to Chicago this weekend for some training on the device I’ll be testing. In return, I’ll post about the device once each month through December, and I’ll augment those posts with tweets and Facebook updates. One could nickname this program “posting and hosting,” since I’ll also host two house parties where I’ll invite friends, family, and neighbors to eat good food and check out the Verizon goods. I’ll also have to attend monthly webinars, so you can see that this endeavor will keep me busy.

It goes almost without saying that I’m thrilled they chose me for this program, and not just because of the perks. (One of my favorite lines from All About Eve is when Bette Davis says, “I’m … not to be had for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut.”) What Verizon is paying for is my honest opinion, and that’s what they will get. If you’ve read the product review I wrote for Viewpoints on a kitchen appliance, you know that I play it as it lays.

I think it’s great that Verizon cares what boomers have to say about the products we buy in the marketplace, and that we use as an integral extension of our daily lives. I should note that I’ve been a loyal Apple consumer ever since my first desktop back in the 1980s, so if I’m to be playing around with non-Apple devices, doing so will mark a first in my own consumer history (except for the Kindle I received from my husband as a Christmas gift). I don’t count the Kindle Paperwhite that I reviewed for Viewpoints, since I donated that to the Richmond Public Library.

Suffice to say that if I encounter any cumbersome learning curves, I’ll try to make reading about them enjoyable for you.

So let’s all raise a glass (and a salted peanut) to Verizon for thinking that the opinions of boomers have value. And for being willing to listen.

Updated on June 22, 2013.

‘Thank You for Shopping at the Man Store’

03 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by in Love, Midpoints, Relationships and Family Life, Remarriage, Transitions

≈ 34 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

JOHN AND SANDY_TheMidlifeSecondWife

This is not “Steve.” To find out who this is, please read the entire post.

Let’s call him Steve. After all, that’s what he called himself on Match.com. And who’s to say if that was his real name?

Steve and I have never met, but he’s the reason I decided to step off the Match.com bus, and for that I owe him my gratitude. Why? Because in the world of online-dating algorithms, where any click, keyword, or action is fraught with significance, stumbling across his profile, which he had the cheek to title “Thank You For Shopping at the Man Store,” ricocheted me onto a fateful course.

It was time for me to renew my six-month subscription on Match.com. Or was it? Steve’s headline was a wake-up call of sorts: If what I was doing was “shopping at the man store,” well, in the words of the immortal Bard: “Yuck.”

Four years of on-again, off-again attempts to meet someone in cyber-land had taken their toll. This was clearly a stupid way to meet people, and I was done. Finished.

That weekend I sent Match my notification that I’d not be renewing, and went about my business.

I had taken a few vacation days from work, and the next day, a Monday, was beautiful and bright outside. I was about to go out for a walk. But the siren call of the inbox lured me from my intended rounds.

I still had a couple of days before my Match profile vanished from public view. Now, with the pressure off, it might be fun to log onto my email and see what new horrors awaited me.

Oh. This one sounds promising. “ArtsandSportsLvr” finds me, “1literary_lady,” interesting. At least that’s what the subject header of the Match email indicates: “You Sparked Someone’s Interest!”

Well what do you know? With just a couple of days left to go on Match, I get a nibble.

I click the link that takes me to the Match website, and click again to see what Match has to say about him.

“He’s a 55-year-old man living in Cleveland, OH.”

Okay, age is fine. Geography, manageable.

“You both fancy felines. Like you, he’s not a smoker. He has a graduate degree.”

An intelligent cat-lover who doesn’t have nicotine stains on his teeth. This just keeps getting better and better.

I click on the link to his profile.

Ah. He’s included a picture. That’s always a good sign. There’s nothing creepier than seeing a faded blue head in silhouette accompanied by a wink (or, sometimes, a leer).

Wait. This is a nice picture. Look at those bright, clear blue eyes! And gosh darn it all, he’s got a dog, too! That is, if he didn’t rent the pup for the picture. (Had I grown cynical? Yes, just a little, around the edges.)

I was aware of the cyber-clock ticking. In a couple of days, I’d be lost to ArtsandSportsLvr forever. I had a decision to make. I could let boy-and-his-dog into my life, or let them trot off into the sunset. And live out the rest of my days with my cats.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and send a reply:

SUBJECT: The artful, sporting life…
From:        customercare@match.com
Date:        Mon, June 8, 2009 10:06 am

Hello, and thank you for your interest.
I must say that from what I read in your profile, we seem to have much in common. You also have a great smile; it suggests a good, kind soul.

My subscription to Match ends this week, and I’m not renewing it.  If you would like to get to know me off-line, as it were, and wish to send me a note, here’s my e-mail address in the real world:

[excised]

Have a wonderful day!

—Marci

I go out for my walk, and when I return, there’s a message waiting for me:

Marci, thanks for sharing your e-mail address.  I would like to continue chatting until you get comfortable enough to plan a get-to-know-you meeting.  I was introduced to the Oberlin concerts at the gazebo last year and enjoyed two of them.  The theater there is a wonderful bargain as well.  I have been told that the art museum is worth the trip and is on my list of to-do’s this summer.

Now you have my e-mail address and feel free to use it.

John

“Go out and make a difference in the world and it will make a world of difference in you.” – JR

I’m intrigued. A guy who includes a quote from himself in his email signature. That could seem pretentious, but this doesn’t strike me that way. I like the philosophy here. Could this be a man who’s not full of himself? An actual nice guy?

After a few more emails, we agree to speak on the phone.

I like his voice.

We set up a meeting at the museum in the town where I live.

That date, our first, lasts seven hours.

Reader, I married him.

I know I had become cynical about online dating toward the end of my tenure, but with success and the passage of time, it’s clear to me that I really had to give the algorithms time to do their work. John and I would never have met without the nudge from our cyber Dolly Gallagher Levi.

I wrote about this experience, and the online dating phenomenon, for the Richmond Times-Dispatch in an article published September 4, 2011. My research included interviews with Amy Canaday of Match.com’s public relations office, and two experts— Mark Brooks, an online dating consultant, and Dr. Robert Epstein, a contributor to Scientific American Mind.

When I interviewed Canaday by email in 2011, she told me that in the previous five years, the fastest-growing demographic for Match.com was the 50-and-older age group.

Unattached boomers? Are you listening?

Readers, this post is part of a GenFab Blog Hop. To begin reading all of the posts on the subject of “How I Met My Significant Other,” please click here.

The Huffington Post Features the Midlife Second Wife

09 Friday Nov 2012

Posted by in Midpoints, The Writing Life, What's the Buzz?

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

What a week this has been! You might recall that on Monday, I posted an essay called “To Marci, On Your 20th Birthday,” which I wrote as part of a “blog hop” sponsored by Generation Fabulous, an amazing Facebook group to which I’m honored to belong. (We lovingly call it GenFab.) If you haven’t had a chance to read that post yet, please do, and please check out the posts by my GenFab compatriots. There’s a lot of collected wisdom there, and it seems that the Huffington Post agrees. Three Huffington Post sections—HuffPost Women, HuffPost50, and HuffPost Healthy Living—as well as HuffPostLiving’s Facebook page, featured 14 of us in an article about our blog hop. (You can find my quote on the second panel of the Huffington Post slideshow.)

My deepest thanks to the GenFab troika: Chloe Jeffreys of “The Chloe Chronicles,” Sharon Greenthal, who writes “Empty Nest, Full Mind,” and Anne Parris, the voice behind “Not A Supermom.”

The question—”What Advice Would You Give Your 20-Year-old Self?”—is really striking a chord with readers: people all over are sharing and commenting. I’d love to give readers of “The Midlife Second Wife” a chance to weigh in on the topic. So tell me:

What would you say to your 20-year-old self?

The One-Year Blogiversary of The Midlife Second Wife

24 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by in Special Events, What's the Buzz?

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Happy anniversary, TMSW! Read through this post for important news about a giveaway to celebrate our first year together!

The month of August is an important one for me as far as anniversaries go. For starters (and most importantly), John and I got married on August 14, 2010. Then, one year and ten days later, I began publishing The Midlife Second Wife. If you’re counting along with me, that means today, August 24, 2012, is the blog’s first anniversary, or “blogiversary,” to employ a technical term. (I’ve learned a lot of blogging jargon since embarking on this social media journey, and yet have miles to go before I sleep.) This past year has been a fascinating time—filled with wonder, exploration, discoveries, and new friends. Please join me as I look back at a year in the life of a blog.

Readership
It’s all well and good to talk about marketing, SEOs, awards, and metrics, but there’s no doubt in my mind what brings the greatest value to the Midlife Second Wife the blog, and holds the most meaning to the Midlife Second Wife the blogger (that would be me). In a word: readers. Or in another word, you. Every time you hit “like” on a post, or comment, or share a blog link on Facebook or Twitter; every time you bring a new reader into the fold; every time you even click open that new post waiting hopefully in your inbox, it’s kind of like the bell ringing in that great Frank Capra film, It’s a Wonderful Life—an angel blogger gets her wings. This blog would have precious little meaning if it weren’t for you, gentle reader. Thank you for your support and continued interest.

MorgueFile image
This angel blogger just earned her wings

You might like to know that as of today, there are 555 of you who subscribe to the blog—either through email or on Twitter. Put another way, that’s as though more than one-and-a-half new readers signed on each day last year. Wow. Just wow. And while we’re on the subject of readers, as of today the blog welcomed a grand total of 24,308 visitors to its portal (An ephemeral number that has changed already because you are reading this now. But at 24,308, that is  1,706 more than the entire population of Avon Lake, Ohio, as of July 2011, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.)

And where have you all been coming from? Well, most of you live in areas throughout the United States and Canada, as you might expect. But you also hail from the United Kingdom, India, Australia, The Netherlands, Italy, Ireland, Uruguay, Brazil, France, the Russian Federation, Montenegro, Sudan, Israel, and Denmark.

While we’re on the subject of numbers, I should also add (the pun is intentional) that 66 people “like” TMSW on Facebook. Would you like to help push that number up to 100? Please encourage your friends and family to like the blog on Facebook. I’m giving away a prize to the 100th liker. That’s pronounced LIKE-er, not liquor. And no, the prize isn’t a bottle of vodka. It has more permanence than that!

I should also say a word about The Midlife Second Wives’ Club. As previously announced, the first 110 subscribers to the blog automatically became charter members of this newly-minted association. About half of them have already received something in the mail from me, and I hope to get the rest of the mailings out before the end of the year. Although I don’t have a designated page for the club on the blog just yet, I do hope to get to that in the coming months. In the meantime, I invite you to think of names for other membership levels. There will be more on all of this in a future post.

Writing
I mentioned metrics earlier, and would like to digress a moment to pass along an observation. As many of you know, I began my writing life as a poet. Back in the day, metrics meant the scansion of my poetic line. Now, in the Age of Social Media, it has taken on a whole new flavor. A blogger’s success is measured not by the stressed and unstressed syllables in her sentences, but by the number of unique visitors to her site, whether they click through on ads and what-not, and, well, you get the picture. This is what measures a blogger’s worth, at least in ROI (Return on Investment) terms. But in ROW terms—Return on Writing, I proclaim my metrics stratospheric. Advertisers, do you care? Readers, I think you do and so I will explain.

This blog has allowed me to do something I’ve not really had the chance to do before: set aside time to write. Before, when I worked full-time, I wrote all day long, but for my employer, not for myself. And if any of you write for someone else for a living, you know that you’re often left too drained to create work of your own. But when you blog, you blog for yourself (and your readers). Speaking only for myself as a writer, I find there is nothing richer or more satisfying than knowing I have an opportunity to clarify my own thoughts, using words and tones and rhythms of my choosing. And, of course, there’s the immediacy and intimacy of the inbox—knowing that what I’ve written has resounded with someone else. In fact, the very first daily writing challenge that I did, sponsored by BlogHer, resulted in an essay about writing that the publishing network syndicated. And paid me for. When I checked a moment ago, that one post was read 5,636 times. This is quite astonishing to me, because I’m still adjusting to having so many readers. To quote Hermia in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, “I am amazed and know not what to say.”

Oberon, Titania and Puck with Fairies Dancing....

Oberon, Titania and Puck with Fairies Dancing. From William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Writing this blog has also resulted in at least one book-length manuscript-in-progress. I attribute this to the BlogHer writing challenge (also known as NaBloPoMo) I just mentioned.

Accolades
The manuscript that is emerging from BlogHer’s daily writing challenge is for a book about my mother, and BlogHer honored the post that started it all earlier this month with a Voice of the Year award at their national convention in New York City. As noted in an earlier post, the essay, “Have You Met My Daughter?,” will appear in an electronic anthology featuring other VOTY winners. BlogHer and Open Road Integrated Media are jointly publishing the e-book.

Last November, WordPress, my blogging platform, featured TMSW on its “Freshly Pressed” site, an event that brought more than 5,000 visitors to the blog in less than two days. Also that month, a funny thing happened that I also attribute to blogging, although indirectly. I submitted a humorous essay to a contest sponsored by Marlo Thomas on her Facebook page, and was one of five winners chosen. The prize? Two tickets to see “That Girl” in the play Relatively Speaking on Broadway. Of course the essay, and the enjoyable experiences that ensued, ended up on the blog.

Photo credit: Marlo Thomas’ Facebook Page

TMSW has also won a few awards from other bloggers: the Liebster, the Versatile Blogger Award, and one I haven’t even had time to properly showcase yet—the Illuminating Blogger Award. To the kind food blogger who bestowed that upon me, I promise to give it its due soon. I’ve just been a little busy.

And I’m pretty proud of this one, especially given my love of coffee. Zabar‘s featured me on their blog. (In the interest of full disclosure, I did not receive either a lifetime supply of coffee or rugelach. Darn it.)

Opportunities
Earlier this month, I attended the aforementioned (and phenomenal) BlogHer Conference in New York, where I learned enough about social media to know that I still have tons to learn. I also met many incredible, bright, talented, and fun women, and joined up with some of them on a Facebook page for Bloggers Over 45. (Hi everyone!)

There’s also something else—something REALLY AWESOME AND AMAZING—that I just can’t tell you about yet. But when I am in a position to do so, you’ll read about it here.

Looking Ahead
I want to continue bringing you the best writing that I can, and the most interesting posts and articles. I hope to beef up the different sections of the blog, and I really long to enhance the look of it. I want to shelve all my books in the “Open Book” library, and experiment with new recipes for you to try. If you have a story idea, please let me know about it. There’s a contact link at the top of the page, or you can leave a comment at the end of this post. Either way, please stay in touch!

Thank you for indulging me in these few moments of revery. It’s a satisfying exercise to look back and take stock. I hope this first year of The Midlife Second Wife has been as enjoyable for you to read as it has been for me to write. Thanks again for being here.

And don’t forget! The 100th person to “like” The Midlife Second Wife on Facebook will receive a prize. If you know someone who should be reading this blog, who will love this blog, or who needs this blog, let them know and encourage them to like it on Facebook. And if you haven’t done so already, please take a moment and do it yourself, right now. It only takes a click, and you might be the 100th clicker. (If bells and whistles begin to blow, please let me know. I’ll try to find out how the Internet does that.)

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

Cheers, dear friends!

The Light Shines On: Our Second Wedding Anniversary

12 Sunday Aug 2012

Posted by in Love, Midpoints, Relationships and Family Life, Remarriage, Second Weddings, Special Events

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

"The Midlife Second Wife" "weddings" "relationships" "ceremonies"

Marci, aka The Midlife Second Wife, with John on their wedding day. Photo credit: Roger Mastroianni

Where does the time go? It seems only yesterday when I received an “interest” notification via Match.com from “arts&sportslvr,” and here we are, about to celebrate our second wedding anniversary. (Those keeping careful notes will want to know, for the record, that our nuptials took place on August 14, 2010.)

So much has happened in two short, swift years. We moved to another part of the country and set down roots by buying a home. (I also started this blog, which celebrates its first anniversary later this month.) We continue to grow together and learn together and hold each other close when buffeted by life’s vicissitudes. We embrace one another’s neuroses. (Thank you, Wendy Swallow.) We celebrate every triumph, no matter how small. We listen to each other. We support one another. We are a duo, a couple, a unit, a team. We are each other’s best friend.

Do you see the flames in the separate candles we are holding? We are about to create one unified, eternal flame. It still burns strong and bright, despite a few clouds, despite some wind and rain. When we decided to get married, we knew there would be challenges to face—how could there not be? We were each of us starting over, from scratch, midway through our lives. The light at the end of the tunnel seemed so dim, so seemingly light-years away, that we simply had to trust that it was there. It is there. It flickers, sometimes brightly, sometimes with just a pale fire. It is, in the words of our wedding poem (Wendell Berry’s “The Country of Marriage”):

a pattern
made in the light for the light to return to.
The forest is mostly dark, its ways
to be made anew day after day, the dark
richer than the light and more blessed,
provided we stay brave
enough to keep on going in.

We are nothing if not brave. What else can we be? We are human and we live in this world and we have faith. And we are together, thank God.

On what will be our second wedding anniversary—and on every day of our lives together—I say to “arts&sportslvr:” Thank you for joining your candle to mine, and mine to yours.

I love you.

TMSW Hall of Fame Inaugural Inductee: Marlo Thomas

18 Sunday Mar 2012

Posted by in Second Wife Hall of Fame

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

, , ,

One of the great satisfactions of writing this blog is the chance it gives me to explore subjects that mean a lot to me, and to share with you information that I think you’ll find useful, uplifting, or inspirational. I know that there are many among you—midlife second wives, like me—who are learning to navigate the waters of midlife or of second wifedom—or, heaven help us—both. (Incidentally, for anyone unsure of the exact definition of a “second wife” in the context of this blog, please see the penultimate question in the FAQ.) As a writer, I’ve always found inspiration in the stories of others—in how they create their lives and how they contribute to the world. When I started writing a blog about “the real and true adventures of remarriage at life’s midpoint,” I knew that I wanted to have a section that honors other second wives— women who have walked a mile in those stilettos, sandals, or running shoes. Today it gives me great pleasure to introduce the blog’s newest feature—The Midlife Second Wives’ Hall of Fame. I can think of no more deserving inductee to inaugurate the Hall of Fame than actress, author, activist, producer, philanthropist, and social media guru Marlo Thomas.

Marlo married iconic television journalist Phil Donahue 31 years ago (it was her first marriage, his second), and they put a whole new spin on meeting cute—she was his guest on The Phil Donahue Show. When they married, she gained five stepsons. Talk about a life change! She recently shared one of the secrets of their successful marriage when she appeared on The View:

“We share each other’s passion for each other’s dream.”

Regular readers of the blog won’t be surprised by my selection. Marlo Thomas has been an important touchstone throughout my life; it was an honor to finally meet her last November in New York City.

Backstage at the Brooks Atkinson Theatre following Marlo Thomas' performance in Relatively Speaking. Photo credit: John Rich

The daughter of beloved entertainer Danny Thomas, Marlo grew into her birthright as Hollywood royalty by making her own mark in show business, winning honors and acclaim for her groundbreaking role of Ann Marie in the ABC series That Girl. The mid-1960s sit-com depicted, for the first time, a single woman living on her own. Yes, she had a boyfriend, but that’s not what defined her; it was Ann’s career, and her quest to make a name for herself as an actress, on her own terms, that made her a role model for countless young women. I was too young to realize it, but Marlo also created and produced this series—until that time, Lucille Ball was the only woman to wield that kind of power in Hollywood.

I imagine every woman of a certain age has a That Girl story to share. Here’s mine: When I was a freshman at a Catholic high school in Ohio, a boy in my class had a bit of a crush on me. He and many people, including my own mother, thought I looked like Marlo Thomas. I suspect Mom’s reason was because, like Marlo, I’m also half-Lebanese and half-Italian. The boy in my class used to go home after school and watch reruns of That Girl because Marlo Thomas/Ann Marie reminded him of me. Those were such wholesome, innocent times! He became my first and only high school sweetheart.

I identified with Marlo and her character not because of any physical resemblance, but because of her passion—her belief in her ability to create her own destiny. That was a new idea for me, and one that would take me years to embrace as my own. But here’s the thing: I never lost that dream. Not once. Even when it seemed that I was as far from it as one could possibly be. The dream was to become someone, which is, in truth, what every person longs for. And for most of us, myself included, that dream is not about fame or celebrity, but about living an authentic life.

Marlo would go on to influence future generations with her inspirational Free to Be book, recording, and television special. Her influence continues today in myriad ways. She carries on her late father’s work as a fundraiser and awareness-builder for St. Jude’s Childrens’ Research Hospital. And as if acting, writing books, and philanthropy were not enough, she curates MarloThomas.com at The Huffington Post and contributes to the website wowOwow.com. She welcomes visitors to her Facebook page with this mission statement:

This is a place where we can share our thoughts and dreams, vent a little, and — hopefully — laugh a lot!

Laughter is an important part of who Marlo is—she is not only an endearing comedienne, she is also a connoisseur of comedy, as evidenced by her latest book, the memoir Growing Up Laughing: My Story and the Story of Funny. It features her interviews with such funny people as Elaine May, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Lily Tomlin, and Joan Rivers. Laughter is the glue that often keeps me together, and I found her book filled with wonderful insights and life lessons.

The book includes her bio, which provides another window or two into her life:

Marlo Thomas graduated from the University of Southern California with a teaching degree. She is the author of six best-selling books, Free to be … You and Me, Free to Be … A Family, The Right Words at the Right Time, The Right Words at the Right Time Volume 2: Your Turn!, and Thanks and Giving: All Year Long. Ms. Thomas has won four Emmy Awards, a Peabody Award, a Golden Globe and a Grammy, and has been inducted into the Broadcasting Hall of Fame for her work in television, including her starring role in the landmark series That Girl, which she also conceived and produced. She is the National Outreach Director for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. Ms. Thomas lives in New York with her husband, Phil Donahue.

Marlo, thank you for a lifetime of inspiration. It is my distinct honor to induct you into  the Midlife Second Wives’ Hall of Fame. Please accept the virtual TMSW Hall of Fame Crown as a token of my esteem.

Related articles:

“Secrets of a Successful Marriage: Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue”

“Marlo & Me: Prologue”

“Wherein I Win an Essay Contest and Populate One Blog Post with Several Diverse Celebrities”

“Marlo & Me: Act 1”

Breaking Eggs, Making Omelets: The Midlife Marriage Proposal

23 Monday Jan 2012

Posted by in Midpoints, Relationships and Family Life, Remarriage, Transitions

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

, , ,

MorgueFile Image

Someone very wise once told me: “If you want to make an omelet, you have to break some eggs.” Two years ago today, my husband John proposed marriage while we were enjoying a breakfast of omelets at one of our favorite haunts in Oberlin, Ohio—the Black River Café. We had been dating for a little more than seven months. We were each in our 50s. We were about to break a whole lot of eggs.

Nothing worth having in life is without sacrifice, which is what my sage friend was getting at. John was most definitely worth having. There were, however, a few built-in challenges. At the time of John’s proposal, he had been out of work for a year and in the midst of a nationwide job search. The chances were slim-to-zero that he would find a position in his field that would keep him—I mean us, for we were becoming an us—in Northeast Ohio. I was quite aware that by accepting his proposal, life as I knew it could change seismically. The metaphor represented by our breakfast was not lost on me.

I’ve written about this subject before, in an essay for the Richmond Times-Dispatch, so I’ll try not to go over old ground. What strikes me about this lovely little anniversary we’re marking today is not so much the eggs that we broke (for that you can read the essay), but the omelet we’ve made and continue to make.

Tom Hanks’ character Forrest Gump famously said: “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” With all due respect, I think that somewhat misses the mark; it suggests that you just sit back and let life come at you, like a barrage of chocolate-covered confections. Sure, you make a selection from the sampler, but it’s already there for you, prepared and preconceived. Or, if you like,  preordained.

For my money, life is more like an omelet. You have to break something (or break with something)—a routine, a way of life, the place you’ve lived—to create anew. You can fill it with whatever you like, and it sustains you. But the key difference is this: you are an active participant in its making, rather than a passive recipient in the taking.

So what is this omelet that John and I are making, anyway? It derives, as I said at the outset, from a whole lot of broken eggs: a move to a different part of the country, a new job for him, a new career path for me, a separation for both of us from our children.

This omelet/life of ours is spartan because of where we’re starting from—we won’t get fat off of it.

A year-long layoff brings with it debt; an inability to find work in a new city means a career change and a sporadic income. We’re building this new life with an eye toward nutrition rather than frills. What do we need? What are the essentials? What can we postpone or get by without? We allowed ourselves a wedding, to mark the life-moment for us and for our children so we would all have a real, glorious memory—but we have postponed a honeymoon. We rented for almost the first year of our marriage, then bought a house that we could afford, not one that would have given us more space. We curtail what we spend on entertainment, on clothing, and on anything that doesn’t contribute to getting us back on solid financial ground.

No, we’re not getting fat from this omelet. But from these limitations comes a real awareness of what is most important in life: our love, our life together, our health and our happiness. This life, now, with its challenges and limitations, is delicious.

Remarriage at life’s midpoint brings with it an awareness of something else: ephemerality. I should add then that our omelet/life is notable for its shelf-life. We know we won’t live long enough to celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary. If we make it to our 80s, we could swing a silver anniversary. But no one knows this better than we do: You can get married in your 20s and 30s and have no guarantee of a golden wedding anniversary. So the bottom line is this: we don’t know how many years we get together. None of us do.

And this is why John and I celebrate these sweet little milestones in our life together.

To the Middle and Beyond! (What Will We Do with Longevity?)

28 Monday Nov 2011

Posted by in Midpoints, The Healthy Life

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

All right, it’s time for a reality check. Unless I live to be 110, I’m technically past my midlife shelf life—so far over the rainbow as to be nearly under it. (But what was I going to call this blog, anyway? The Over-the-Hill Second Wife? The Old Second Wife? To Infinity and Beyond with the Midlife Second Wife? These are hardly euphonious, and the first two less than complimentary.) I was reminded—painfully—of the disparity between my chronological age (55) and a more accurate midpoint (say, 40 or so), this morning while catching up on my local newspaper reading. The Richmond Times-Dispatch runs a monthly column, “Viva the Vital!” by a boomer named Matt Thornhill; he’s president of the Boomer Project, based here in my adopted hometown. The Boomer Project provides advice and information about our robust demographic to organizations and corporations. For example, did you know that we Boomers and our elders spend $3.5 trillion dollars annually on goods and services? But back to Thornhill and his Thanksgiving Day column. He started things off with a quote by comedienne Rosanne Barr, who said: “C’mon, I ain’t living to age 106, so I am waaay past the halfway point.”

Ouch. Thanks, Rosanne. Thanks, Matt. No, really—thanks. Because this got me thinking—always a good exercise when writing a blog.

Many of us in our 50s and 60s don’t feel old. Do we? And if we’re careful and follow all of the good advice out there, Thornhill reminds us that thanks to the miracle of modern medicine and technologies, the new normal is such that we could very well live—and live well—into our 80s and beyond. And if such is the case, we’ve got a good 20 to 30 years to fill.

It’s nice to have the extra time. But what are we going to do with it?

Thornhill writes that he and his colleagues at the Boomer Project “believe that boomers are going to fulfill their ‘promise’ as a generation by individually living out their own personal promise or agenda.” You might recall that ours is the generation that intended to change the status quo in the 1960s. Thornhill quotes Tom Brokaw, who famously chronicled our generational predecessors in The Greatest Generation. Apparently Brokaw thinks that we baby boomers squandered our opportunity to make a lasting, positive difference in the world.

I’m happy to read that Thornhill disagrees with Brokaw’s assessment. And here’s where we can take up the challenge. If you believe, as Thornhill does, that we still have the opportunity, in the next 20 years, to apply “our collective wisdom and experience from our ever-increasing trips around the sun, [then] our legacy as a generation is in front of us.” We can effect positive change on “companies, organizations, governments, each other and other generations,” as long as we “live our promise.” And Thornhill believes that it is our personal promises, as boomers, that will make the difference; he predicts that most of them will be outwardly focused.

What is your promise—to yourself, your family, your community? I’ve already made one or two—and I should mention that these are nothing like New Year’s resolutions. When the opportunity is appropriate, I’ll share my promise on the blog. But I would love to know what the boomers among you think:

Did we, as a generation, blow our chance to leave a lasting and positive legacy? Or is the best, as Frank Sinatra sang, yet to come?