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The Midlife Second Wife ™

~ The Real and True Adventures of Remarriage at Life's Midpoint

The Midlife Second Wife ™

Category Archives: The Writing Life

Take Three Book Titles, Blend, and Tweet

24 Thursday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Reading Life, The Writing Life

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Books, Doubleday, Hashtags, Literary Turducken, Reading, Twitter

As if it’s not enough work to brine or deep-fry or roast a turkey for Thanksgiving, some people go whole hog and make a turducken: a chicken sans bones stuffed into a duck sans bones stuffed into a turkey. Sans bones. I remember the first time I read about this strange bird, years ago in the New York Times. Each time that I thought it would be fun to try to make one, I remembered how much work it is to clean the kitchen after just one fowl-centered feast, let alone three. But this week I discovered a no-mess, no-fuss method for making turducken, using book titles instead of birds! In a brilliant flash of Twitter ingenuity, Doubleday Books started a hashtag hat-trick for bibliophiles: the literary turducken, or, to be precise, #literaryturducken.

Readers mix together three book titles to craft a zany new concoction. In my opinion, this “top tweet” from the Kansas City Star took the blue ribbon for cleverness, erudition, and wit:

The Unbearable Lightness of Being Gone with the Wind in the Willows.

I jumped right into the fray, and Tuesday night, when I should have been sleeping, began tweeting as quickly as I could think of combinations. Here are a few from my own Twitter feed:

Play it as it Lays On the Road Under Milkwood

The Handmaid’s Tale of Two Cities of Salt

ABC of Reading Lolita in the Tehran Conviction

Then I thought I’d put a little spin on the game, playing with titles containing numbers and adding a long poem and a musical theater title into the mix:

The Threepenny Opera in Four Quartets at Slaughterhouse 5

This was fun! It didn’t involve chopping onions, and it satisfied my craving to be creative at Thanksgiving during a year when I wasn’t doing a lick of cooking.

I kept at it:

The Invisible Man and Superman It’s Superman!

I’m very fond of this next one, but disappointed in myself for leaving off the article in the McCullers’ title:

Ballad of the Sad Breakfast at Tiffany’s Naked Lunch Café

I raided the theatrical canon for this one:

Krapp’s Last Tape Measure for Measure of the World

I wrote a few more, and finally sleep won out. But the next day, during our long road-trip, I not only occupied myself in the car by adding more to the hashtag, I also got John hooked on the game. He devised this one:

‘Twas in the Heat of the Night Before Christmas the Iceman Cometh

I think that, on balance, the ones I came up with during the day were sharper than the ones I cobbled together while I was starved for sleep. What do you think?

A Farewell to Arms and the Man Who Knew Too Much and Came to Dinner

O Pioneers! How Green Was My Valley of The Dolls?

Death Comes for the Archbishop, the Man Without Qualities, And Ladies of the Club …

Beloved Jazz Song of Solomon

While I was playing—and admiring the literary zip of many other tweeters—I noticed that media outlets were also paying attention. Mashable wrote about the game, as did the Huffington Post. Katy Steinmetz of TIME magazine had a great one:

The Sun Also Rises As I Lay Dying On the Road

It occurred to me that if you’re not on Twitter and hadn’t heard of this phenomenon, this post could be my gift to you: you now have a new game to play on the long ride home after your visits with far-flung family.

You’re welcome.

I hope you and yours had a lovely Thanksgiving.

Related articles
  • 20 Awesome #LiteraryTurducken Tweets Mash Together Popular Book Titles (mashable.com)
  • Literary Turducken: Thanksgiving Book Titles On Twitter (huffingtonpost.com)

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Of Unadorned Turkeys and Giving Thanks: To Family & Friends, WordPress & Readers

22 Tuesday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Relationships and Family Life, The Writing Life, What's the Buzz?

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blogs, Divorce, Thanksgiving, WordPress, writing

The turkey was not ready for his close-up. Never in a million years would I have dreamed that the humble bird from our early Christmas with my husband’s sons would, a year later, appear on thousands of computer screens around the world. How’d this happen? Yesterday, the WordPress editor (aka “story wrangler”) plucked this little blog out of obscurity and plopped it onto the site’s “Freshly Pressed” portal—where all good bloggers go to log in. In roughly 27 hours, more than 4,000 people visited The Midlife Second Wife, and 42 new subscribers signed up. The post that generated all of the activity, “Where’s Home for the Holidays When You’re Divorced or Remarried?” attracted 83 comments and 109 “likes” from bloggers.  Gosh. I really wish I’d garnished that turkey.

But this post isn’t about our turkey’s less than glamorous visage, and it’s only tangentially about the blog’s 15-minutes of fame. No, this post is about gratitude. The past 27 hours have been wonderfully overwhelming and deeply humbling. So I hope that you won’t mind if I use this essay to express some well-deserved thanks.

  1. To my son, who e-mailed me before all of the hubbub began, to tell me that he loved the post. Matthew, I’m sorry, but I’m about to have an “I’m going to embarrass you moment.” I love and admire you more than words can say.
  2. To my husband, who was the first to comment, who gives me room and space to write, who champions everything that I do, and who—to quote Paul Child, Julia’s husband—”is the butter to my bread and the breath to my life.” John, I love you.
  3. To my stepsons, whom I love more than they might realize, given the brief time we’ve been flung together and the distance that separates us.
  4. To the editors at WordPress for incredible support of a late-blooming blogger.
  5. To all of my friends and family who signed on at the beginning. You are amazing and I love you.
  6. To every new reader of the blog—all of you who subscribed, felt moved enough by the post to give it your much-appreciated thumbs-up, and decided to follow me on Twitter.
  7. To everyone who posted their comments in response to the blog’s message. You have no idea how you have warmed my heart. Many of you wrote to express your own painful experiences about the way divorce has torn your family asunder; many described your own ways of dealing with the holidays; one reminded me—and I hope everyone reading—that it’s not only divorce or remarriage that can shunt holiday traditions sidewise. The wars in which our country has been embroiled have done their own damage—in countless cases irreparable—to the family gathering at the dinner table. One of you wrote to express your poignant wish that you had the right to marry, too. So do I.

To each of you who took the time to post a comment, I promise to reply. It will take me some time to do so, but it’s important to me. You have done me a great honor by your response to my writing.

To all of you reading this, I promise to make every effort to be interesting, honest, and useful in what I post here. Your time is valuable; I don’t want you to feel you are wasting it by reading me.

Finally, there’s just one more thing I want to say before I leave you today.

I’ve yet to share on this blog my love of French films. I bring this up now because there’s a wonderful line in one of my favorites—Red, part of Krzysztof Kieslowski‘s trilogy Three Colors. The character portrayed by Irene Jacob says:

Je me sens quelque chose d’important se passe autour de moi. (Don’t be impressed; I had to look this up on Google Translate.)

“I feel something important is happening around me.”

For the past several weeks, I have felt as though something important were happening around me. (I’ve felt this way before, when John and I fell in love … when my child was first placed in my arms.) It’s an incredibly potent feeling—a feeling of great positivity and light. My Thanksgiving wish for each and every one of you is this: that you experience this feeling at least once in your lives.

Happy Thanksgiving. And thank you.

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The Writer’s Prayer

19 Saturday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Writing Life

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Blog, BlogHer, NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, Poetry, writing

The Writer’s Prayer
With apologies to St. Luke and St. Matthew

Our muse, who art within us,
Hallowed be thy flame.
Thy freedom come,
Thy quill be done—
No dearth like the other night at seven.
Give us this day our daily “said,”
And forgive us our frets,
As we forgive those fretters within us.
Lead us not into frustration,
But deliver us from drivel
Now, and at each hour and breath,
Amen.

—Marci Rich

Today is the 19th day in a row that I’ve written and posted to my blog and cross-posted on BlogHer, part of the commitment I made to the glorious madness known as National Blog Posting Month, or NaBloPoMo. The other day, while speeding through the BlogHer site to post my essay, I spotted a photograph on a syndicated NaBloPoMo post that pretty much sums up what it’s like to write in such a frenzied blur. The writer illustrated her essay with a photo of her laptop.

Big deal, you say? It was perched on the toilet.

For obsessives—and writers are nothing if not obsessive—this image is gold.

Dawn’s post inspired me to write about NaBloPoMo again. The challenge served as my subject twice: when I wrote and posted my very first NaBloPoMo submission, way back in the dark ages of November 1, and the day after, when I learned that the editors at BlogHer had syndicated it, thus giving me a huge boost of energy from which to tap. Now, 19 days later, we’re all more than halfway home and more than a little exhausted.

One of the added values of NaBloPoMo is the demand that it makes on one’s discipline as a writer. Posting an essay every day for 30 days straight yields such a prolific output as to turn everyone participating into the Joyce Carol Oates of blogging. I’ve never written so much of my own work at such a consistent pace in my life. And I’m 55. That’s a long time. (I really don’t count my professional output from years spent writing for other people and organizations.)

A word about that. Years ago, when I first began life as a salaried writer, a lovely author named Diane Vreuls said to me, “Be careful. Pay the bills, but try to avoid jobs that have you write. It can get in the way.”

It did. I churned out press releases, faculty bios, tip-sheets, magazine articles, and—with the advent of the Internet, web stories. But I did little to no writing of my own. The exhaustion that sets in from being creative for hire while balancing home and family left me dry. And I missed the poet I used to be.

Majoring in English with a creative writing emphasis as a non-traditional student at Oberlin College, I had studied with Diane’s husband, the poet, translator, and literary editor Stuart Friebert. My particular focus was poetry, and I was required to present a poem for critique in Stuart’s poetry workshop every week. He used to quote Grace Paley to us: “A poem a day keeps the prose doctor away.”

Those days of “a poem a day”—from around 1987 to 1991—represent the last time I experienced such prolonged outbursts of creativity. Until, that is, this month. So thank you, NaBloPoMo, for reminding me (and I do need reminding, for life gets in the way) that there’s a reason for writing every day. It’s no longer because I “have to” in the assignment-sense; it’s because I have to, as in “I need to.” As in the survival sense.

Note: In a metanarrative kinda way, if you link to Diane’s name in this post, you’ll be taken to an article I wrote about her on the occasion of her retirement from the faculty at Oberlin College.

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Marlo & Me—Act I

18 Friday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Relationships and Family Life, The Cultured Life, The Writing Life, Well-Dressed

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Baby Boomers, Beauty, Entertainment, Family, Hair care, Life, Marlo Thomas, Nostalgia

“COMPLICATED HAIR”

Had fashions in the late 1960s been otherwise, I would not have the strength of character that I possess today. I was born with complicated hair—thick, unmanageable, impossibly curly hair. And not the good kind of curly, either—the Andie McDowell/Julianna Margulies-kind of curly—just coarse and wiry and frizzy hair. This frizzled look would be en vogue today, when stylists spend considerable time crafting the look for runway models—a look that used to send me reeling in horror from the bathroom mirror. No, mine was the era of Carnaby Street, Twiggy, and the Summer of Love, and I had complicated hair. The fashion at the time was either cropped short, like the iconic pixie cut Vidal Sassoon created for Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby, or long, sleek, and straight, like Jean Shrimpton or Julie Christie—all blondes, I might add. Relief came for a little dark-haired girl in the form of a beautiful brunette named Marlo Thomas, who, in the landmark television series That Girl, wore her straight glossy hair in a flip with bangs. The fact that Marlo was Italian and Lebanese, just like me, and had a father with whom I’d been photographed earlier in the decade, clinched the deal. She—that girl!—would be my role model. God knows, I needed one. I had complicated hair.

Credit: Marlo Thomas' Facebook page

“You have to suffer to be beautiful.”

That’s my godmother, “Aunt Fannie,” speaking. It’s 1968, and I’m in the seventh grade at St. Mary’s School in Elyria, Ohio. We’re having our class pictures taken in a few days, and my parents have driven me to her house to have my hair done.

Perhaps I should explain.

Aunt Fannie was a licensed beautician. (That’s what they called hair stylists in those days.) My godfather, Uncle Bill, was a gifted carpenter, and although he was not a professional contractor, he built their lovely ranch home in a rural part of Elyria from the ground up, and turned one of their basement rooms into a hair salon for my godmother. My father drove my mother there to have her hair done each week, and I was always in tow. With school-picture day looming, I begged and pleaded with my parents to let Aunt Fannie cut my hair so that I would have bangs and a flip, just like That Girl.

I finally wore them down. It wasn’t long before I was seated in the chair that swiveled around like a carnival ride. Aunt Fannie’s fingers wielded the silver scissors like some magician’s wand—snip! snip! snip! I had been turned away from the mirror the entire time, and couldn’t wait to see my idol’s impeccable hairdo in place of my tangled Medusa mane. When she spun me around, I was shocked.

I looked awful.

None of us had really taken my thick frizz into account when calibrating the outcome of my longed-for flip hairdo with bangs. The flip flopped, and I looked like a Labradoodle.

An Australian male Labradoodle at 9 month of age.I hesitate to say this, because you’ll think that I spent my entire childhood in tears, but I have to tell you that I cried. Not a full-throated cry—just a whimper, with a steady stream running down my cheeks.

“Isn’t–isn’t there anything you can do?” I asked my godmother, sniffling. Flat irons had not yet been invented. She thought a moment, then brightened.

“We can straighten it!”

My father, who had been watching television in the other room, walked by just in time to hear this. “Not if I have anything to say about it!” he thundered. “She has beautiful hair. You never should have cut it in the first place.”

“But George, look at her,” my mother said. “She can’t go around looking like this!”

“I can’t go around looking like this, Daddy.” I thought he should know where I stood on the matter.

The tension in the air was palpable. My parents exchanged words. Aunt Fannie busied herself by rearranging her hair clip drawer. I escaped upstairs to soothe my nerves with a tall glass of 7-Up. When I came back down, the charged atmosphere had eased. I’ll never know who convinced him—my mother or Aunt Fannie—but my father had backed down. Aunt Fannie was mixing the chemicals that would solve the crisis and turn me into “That Girl” for my school pictures.

“This stuff stinks!” I cried when she began stirring the mixture near me. And when she started combing the goop through my hair, my eyes began to water—and not from tears. “It burns!”

“You have to suffer to be beautiful,” she replied sagely.

I don’t remember how long I sat in that chair. It seemed like months. But I finally was directed to the shampoo bowl, and felt the cool relief of water soothe away the stinging, rotten-egg smell of the straightener. Aunt Fannie washed and conditioned my hair and combed it through. I was entranced! When I touched it, it felt smooth and sleek; I had never experienced such a sensation in relation to my own hair before. My head looked smaller, too. It wasn’t my hair anymore; it wasn’t me. It was better. New and improved, as the commercials used to say.

Aunt Fannie set my hair in rollers and sat me under the dryer, where I perused the latest movie magazines. When I was dry—cheeks red and hot from the heated air, rolled hair crisp to the touch—Aunt Fannie set me back in the swivel chair, where she began unpinning the rollers, vigorously brushing out my new hair.

It gleamed. It shined. I had never seen anything like it. She sprayed hairspray all over me—the air was thick with it. I sneezed and coughed. But I looked beautiful.

You have to suffer to be beautiful.

And you are! Look at that girl!

To be continued …

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Marlo & Me—Prologue

16 Wednesday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Relationships and Family Life, The Cultured Life, The Writing Life, What's the Buzz?

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

blogs, Broadway, Entertainment, Marlo Thomas, Theater, writing

It’s only taken 50 years, but last night I was photographed with another member of the famed Thomas family: Danny’s daughter Marlo. Photo credit: John Rich

The Scene:
Backstage at the Brooks Atkinson Theatre on Broadway.

The Time:
Present day. An evening performance of the Ethan Coen/Elaine May/Woody Allen play Relatively Speaking, and immediately afterward.

The Players:
Marlo Thomas (Award-winning actress, author, producer, and activist); Marci Rich (The Midlife Second Wife); John Rich (The Midlife Second Husband)

Synopsis:
A writer and blogger from Richmond, Virginia, learns that an essay she submitted to a  contest sponsored on Facebook by Marlo Thomas was selected as a winner. Her prize? Two free tickets to see the actress perform on Broadway in a one-act comedy, George is Dead, written by Elaine May—part of a three-act play called Relatively Speaking. The writer and her husband embark on a whirlwind, 24-hour trip by train to New York City to see the play and, hopefully, meet the actress. Waiting backstage after the performance, the writer reflects on significant moments in her life in which either the actress or the actress’ late father, famed entertainer Danny Thomas, played an off-stage role.

Prologue: The Writer Remembers

It must have been 1960 or 1961. I was five or so. I remember because the dress I’m wearing in the photograph was my favorite dress when I was in kindergarten. The famous entertainer Danny Thomas had come to Cleveland, and I had my picture taken with him for a Cleveland-area newspaper. My father is also in the picture; he’s the one holding me, hoping that I’ll stop crying long enough for the man with the camera to get his picture.

I remember the evening well. My father, George Abookire, had been a regional volunteer for ALSAC, the fundraising organization that Danny Thomas had established to help him realize his dream: a hospital dedicated to children who were suffering from cancer. ALSAC had benefited from the work of volunteers such as my father, who helped raise money for what would become St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. A keynote ALSAC event was taking place at a ballroom in a Cleveland hotel, and the guest of honor was Danny Thomas himself.

I knew who Danny Thomas was; he was revered in our house for several reasons. To begin with, he was a first-generation American born to Lebanese parents, just like my father. Danny Thomas was born in Toledo, Ohio; my father was born just 90 miles east, in Elyria, Ohio. Danny Thomas had married a woman of Sicilian descent; so had my father. There is family lore, possibly apocryphal, that it was a first cousin of Danny’s, Ralph Jacobs (also from Toledo), who had married my father’s first cousin, Renée Mady of Windsor, Canada.

Even more important than these connections was the fact that Danny Thomas’ great success in the entertainment industry—in films, nightclubs, and as the star and producer of his own television shows—brought tremendous pride to the Lebanese community. At a time when minority ethnic and racial groups were not represented on television, Danny Thomas, a man of Lebanese heritage, brought a slice of our culture to millions of homes across America. The importance of this cannot be overstated. This meant everything to a little girl growing up in Elyria, Ohio, who looked different from everyone else because of her thick, dark curly hair; a nose that was decidedly not Anglo-Saxon; and an unpronounceable last name. Danny Thomas’ presence on television validated my ancestral identity. My parents and I adored Make Room for Daddy and watched it religiously; the episodes featuring Danny Williams’ Uncle Tonoose, played by Hans Conried, were especially beloved. Uncle Tonoose reminded me of my grandfather.

There was one small problem.

Like most children, I was highly impressionable, especially when it came to visual images. My first infant memory is of a male relative carrying me in my grandmother’s house; I glimpsed my reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall. So much of what I would later see on television as a child remains as vivid to me now as that first mirror image; they are imprints, effortlessly recalled. A nightmare that I had when I was still a baby forms my second memory. The eye logo employed by CBS turned menacing in my dream. I awoke crying in my crib, frightened and inconsolable.

And so I well remember the little girl who played Linda, Danny Thomas’ daughter in his television show. Like me, she had dark hair. Like me, she had a slightly mischievous spirit. And, like me, she could sometimes exasperate her father to distraction, eliciting a reaction from him that, like the CBS eye, suggested menace: a raised voice, a sprint across a room to chase the little imp.

I had been told that I would be meeting Danny Thomas that evening in Cleveland. And as the evening wore on, I remember growing tired and cranky. It was a school night, and the back of my legs itched from the rough velvet seats on which we’d been sitting for what seemed like hours, waiting for the star to make his entrance. These feelings, then, combined with the growing awareness that this man could very well begin yelling at me as he occasionally yelled at his television daughter, filled me with apprehension.

The room darkened, and a great spotlight appeared. Danny Thomas was entering the ballroom. My father grabbed my hand and ran with me over to the photo op.

“You’re going to have your picture taken with Danny Thomas,” he said, smiling. My reaction surprised him. I started to cry.

My poor father. Poor Danny Thomas. My father tried to comfort me, and Danny Thomas—no doubt disappointed by my tears—nevertheless rose to the occasion and posed, smiling, behind us.

Years later, reading the newspaper clipping, I learned something new. After the picture was taken, I apparently stopped crying, clambered into Danny Thomas’ arms, and gave him a kiss.

Strange phenomena, memories. I don’t remember doing that at all. But it was in the paper, so it must have happened.

To be continued …

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Broadway Bound

15 Tuesday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Cultured Life, The Writing Life, What's the Buzz?

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

AmTrak, blogs, Broadway, Brooks Atkinson Theatre, John Turturro, MarloThomas, New York City, Theater, writing

Paraphrasing Oscar Wilde: I never travel without my blog. One should always have something sensational to write in the train.

Four a.m. is not the hour I’d pick to start my day. Let’s just say that I’m less a morning person than, oh, a mid-to-late-morning-after-coffee-and-breakfast-and-newspaper person. But how could I possibly complain? Three hours ago, John and I boarded the 7 a.m. train to New York City, solely because something that has only ever occurred in my dreams is really and truly happening. I wrote an essay and submitted it to a Facebook contest sponsored by the actress Marlo Thomas. And I won. Tonight we will pick up my prize: two free tickets at the box office of the Brooks Atkinson Theatre to see Ms. Thomas perform in Elaine May’s play, George is Dead, one-third of Relatively Speaking, a triad of one-act comedies directed by John Turturro.

I planned for our departure with such scrupulous attention to detail as to make a Broadway producer proud. Pet care? Check. Our good friends and neighbors, Jerry and Amy, would watch our dog, Sandy. (Zorro, their Shih-Tzu, is Sandy’s love interest.)

Sandy, on the right, with her love interest Zorro. Sandy is nearly five; Zorro is one. Sandy is a cougar.

Amy will also feed our cat, Nellie. Clean clothes? Check. I picked up John’s shirts from the laundry and did one last load of laundry. Vehicle transport? Check. I put gas in the car so we could make it to the train station without incident, and printed out our AmTrak confirmation vouchers. Lodging? Check. I printed out the confirmed reservation for our hotel. Nourishment? Check and check. I picked up pastries at Can Can (a cranberry scone for John, a cherry and mascarpone cheese croissant for me) for our train breakfast. At Jean-Jacques Bakery I ordered two roast beef and Havarti cheese sandwiches (sides of fruit and green bean salad) to secure our train-picnic lunch. Coffee? Ah…This required a trip to Target to purchase a thermos. I set up the coffee maker last night. Apparel and necessities? Check. Telecommunications devices and photographic equipment? Check, check, and check. Laptop and iPhone fully-charged (but power cords packed) and ready to go; ditto camera and batteries.

Did I say scrupulous attention to detail? I forgot to pack an extra pair of socks.

We are now stopped for about an hour or so at Union Station in Washington, D.C., and I want to post this while I still have battery power (the electricity apparently gets shut down during layovers).

So here’s to John, who tucked a sweet card into the pile of clothes to be packed and arranged for time off work to accompany me; here’s to Marlo Thomas for her generosity, and her support for writers; here’s to Amy and Jerry (and Sandy and Zorro! and Nellie!); and here’s to old Broadway!

—My thanks to AmTrak for having free wi-fi, and to Can Can for their incredible pastries.

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The Shortest Blog Post Ever: An 11-word story in honor of 11/11/11

11 Friday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Writing Life

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

11/11/11, blogging, fiction, writing

—MorgueFile Image

 

Evelyn would never forget the day when people stopped recognizing her.

If you would like to read more, please drop me a line in the comments section below. (It can be more than 11 words.) I’ll write the story and post it here at a future date.

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You Have to Write to Win

03 Thursday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Writing Life

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Blog, BlogHer, NaBloPoMo, National Blog Post Month, Social Media, writing

Ummmm….do you remember the other day, when I posted a blog about posting? You know, the one about the National Blog Posting Month [NaBloPoMo] challenge to write and post a blog each day this month? I said something along these lines:

What motivates a person to write? More specifically, what motivates a pressed-for-time blogger to take on such a commitment during the portal month to the holiday season? I’m rather embarrassed to admit it, but in this case there are prizes involved. Now I’m not saying that I can be had for the price of a free book, but there exists a part of me that thrills to the idea of someone calling my name and handing me something. Lottery winnings, for example. And since we all know that’s never going to happen (well … maybe if I started buying them …), this is as close as I’m likely to get to that rush of adrenalin.

Now, I’m not altogether comfortable quoting myself, but in this case there’s no easy way around it. It’s not that I’ve had to eat my words, exactly. No, it seems that the fine folks at BlogHer liked what they read, because they’ve decided to syndicate the post on their site.

Here’s how it was explained to me in an e-mail yesterday:

It means we want to feature it, moving it from the general well of NaBloPoMo posts onto the front page of NaBloPoMo and give it a little extra social media love.

“Extra social media love?” Yes, please! And thank you!

What, exactly, is BlogHer? It’s a community. It’s also a media company. BlogHer was created in 2005 in partnership with women in social media, and, according to the BlogHer website, it is also the largest community of women who blog, with 27 million unique visitors per month. BlogHer hosts conferences—including the world’s largest conference for women in social media—and the BlogHer Publishing Network.

The icon beneath my headline will direct you to the post as it appears on the BlogHer site, under the title “Why We Write Even When We Have No Time.” BlogHer has featured the essay on its home page as well as the site page for NaBloPoMo. The encomium will be followed by a modest check, presented in the spirit that writers should be paid for their work.

Although I’ve been writing for nearly 30 years (51 if you count the time I learned how to write my name), I’ve only been blogging for less than three months. For that reason, being chosen for syndication by BlogHer comes as a surprise, albeit a wonderful one, and I am deeply and truly honored by their validation of my work.

Now you’ll have to excuse me. I’m going out to buy a lottery ticket, because, as I’ve learned, you can’t win if you don’t play. And especially if you don’t write. Although, as Shakespeare reminds us, “the play’s the thing.”

And, I might add, so is the writing.

To the editors at BlogHer, my sincere and joyous thanks!

For more information about BlogHer, please click here.

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Why We Write Even When We Have No Time

01 Tuesday Nov 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Writing Life

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

blogging, Joan Didion, NaBloPoMo, writing

NaBloPoMo 2011

I’ll tell you. The things you learn when you begin blogging.

November, it appears, is National Blog Posting Month, or, in blogging lingo, NaBloPoMo. Well, at least it is on a site known as BlogHer. For those like me who are new to this wondrous phenomenon, BlogHer is a rich and robust destination on the Web where women who blog (and the men who love them?) can find inspiration, community, and, it appears, nifty badges like the one shown above.

About this badge. I’m going to try and earn its keep on my own blog this month by making an effort to post something every day. Yes, you heard me. Every. Day. This. Month. This is an ambitious undertaking because, as we all know, November in America features that delectable holiday of food and gratitude, Thanksgiving. This is immediately followed by the chaos known to American retail commerce as Black Friday. Oh, and I’m starting two fairly substantial freelance projects in November.

Madness, indeed. Believe it or not, I had planned on writing this week to tell you that I would be curtailing my postings, reducing my output from three to two missives weekly while I turn my attention to my freelance work. Hah!

Did you hear that? We make plans, and God laughs.

What motivates a person to write? More specifically, what motivates a pressed-for-time blogger to take on such a commitment during the portal month to the holiday season? I’m rather embarrassed to admit it, but in this case there are prizes involved. Now I’m not saying that I can be had for the price of a free book, but there exists a part of me that thrills to the idea of someone calling my name and handing me something. Lottery winnings, for example. And since we all know that’s never going to happen (well … maybe if I started buying them …), this is as close as I’m likely to get to that rush of adrenalin.

Oh yes. And there is the matter of the creative process. Each day BlogHer will post a  NaBloPoMo “writing prompt,” a question designed to stoke the imaginative engine. Today the question is:

What is your favourite part about writing?

(Apparently the person who drafted this question is Canadian. Can I hear a huzzah from my readers up in Canada?)

My favorite part about writing, aside from affixing the final period to an essay or article, is the roll-up-your-sleeves hard work of it all. Paradoxically, that’s the part I also love the least. And yet … I love the way that I manage to disappear into the world of whatever it is I’m writing, whether it’s a poem or prose. It’s a world that I am creating and one that I alone am responsible for ordering, so I consider it a grave assignment, even when I’m writing something that I hope will elicit a laugh or a smile.

It is also a world of play. I love to play with language, with words and their sounds, which is probably why I began my writing life as a poet. One of the first college textbooks I ever bought was called Sound and Sense: An Introduction to Poetry. I loved it then, and I love it still. It’s actually to the right of me now, on my bookshelf. I love the fact that editor Laurence Perrine chose to give primacy to the word sound. Sense will come, but later. For me, sound has always been the lure that will bring me ’round to my senses.

I’ve always thought of writing as thinking on paper. To this day, if I want to learn something, I write about it. It used to be that I wrote poems to understand philosophy or history. Or other poems. It’s no surprise, then, that this method would evolve to the point where I am writing a blog to further my education—an education about a life. Mine. And every bit as important as exercising the life of the mind.

Joan Didion, in her 1976 New York Times Magazine essay, “Why I Write,” explains why she stole George Orwell’s title:

Of course I stole the title … from George Orwell. One reason I stole it was that I like the sound of the words: Why I Write. There you have three short unambiguous words that share a sound, and the sound they share is this:

I

I

I

Far be it from me to compare myself to the glorious Joan Didion, but I understand her meaning here. One of the ways in which we differ, though, is the fact that while she views writing as an act of imposing oneself upon other people by the act of saying “I,” I tend to see the act of writing as an imposition of one’s “eye.” I have an eye on the world. (For this reason I have always loved the title of the Christopher Isherwood play, I Am a Camera.)

It makes me happy to observe and explore my subject from various angles—lit by language—and present it to you, my reader. I’m far more comfortable with the “eye” of writing than I am with the “I.” Perhaps this is one reason why it’s taken me until now to make this very real commitment to a writing life.

Writing one post a day might strengthen that commitment. Who knows? We can hope …

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Take 2: I Blog, Therefore I Am

28 Friday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Money Matters, The Writing Life

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

blogging, Economy, Jobs, Life, Second Acts, Second Chances, writing

MorgueFile Image

So many people have asked me why I started writing a blog that it made sense to include the query in TMSW’s Frequently Asked Questions. (You’ll see a link to FAQs at the top of this page.) It’s taken me until now, however, to drum up the courage to answer the question publicly. Like so many of the events of these past 14 months—my remarriage, my nominal retirement, my relocation—this blog represents my second act. If my life were a movie, this would be “Take 2.” And as long as I’m on a roll with the “re” prefix and the film metaphor, I guess I could call the act of starting a blog a rewrite. I am literally rewriting my career, and, in so doing, I am rewriting a substantial portion of the life I have yet to live. You see, I thought it would be easy to leave the great job that I had in Ohio and slide right into something comparable down here in Richmond—a swift, smooth, lateral move. I applied for several positions, was a finalist for two, and, for one of them, could have sworn I’d be bringing home a paycheck. I was wrong.

This is tough to admit, given the wonderful successes of my Ohio career—and even tougher to experience, especially in this economy. It was (here come those two leading letters again), rejection. And rejection hurts. I could speculate on whether it was my age, or the fact that I’m a newcomer-Yankee in a Southern, relationship-based town, that resulted in my rejection, but I’ve come to realize that none of that really matters now. This is the way things happened to shake out for me. What does matter is that I’d bloody well better get on with something, because the curtain is clearly going up on my second act and I’d better know my lines. I want to make the most of this—it’s an opportunity for (are you ready? am I?) reinvention. Also, there are bills to pay. And, if we’re lucky, real retirement to plan for.

L., a follower of the blog, commented earlier this month:

While I end my 25 years working for the same company which is closing and laid off everyone recently-my last day will be Friday – it has been entertaining to read your blogs each day with some funny happy things to distract me from the next chapter that I will be facing , finding a new job! So congratulations to you.

It’s tough out there for many of us. It hurts to hear of yet another person out of a job. John and I have our own personal experience with this, which I’ll share, with his blessing, in a future post. At this juncture, it might be helpful for L. and others to know that there are some amazing and smart books, blogs, and websites here on the other side of the looking glass. I’ve discovered most of these since starting TMSW, and have been bookmarking and list-making like mad for the time when I’ll have the time to give them all a careful perusal. For now, here’s a non-comprehensive list:

Websites
Second Act, an online destination published by Entrepreneur Media
AARP, The Magazine
The Legacy Project: Lessons for Living from the Wisest Americans
Marlo Thomas (Yes. That Girl. Author, Actress, Producer, Philanthropist. She’s Free to Be … in Social Media, and you can find her on the Huffington Post.)

Books and Writers
Kerry Hannon
, Author of What’s Next? Follow Your Passion and Find Your Dream Job
Bruce Frankel, Author of What Should I Do with the Rest of My Life?
Marci Alboher, Author of One Person/Multiple Careers
Michelle V. Rafter, Journalist
Denise Kiernan, Journalist and Producer

As for what L. wrote about finding entertainment in the “funny happy” things on my blog? Well, this particular post, maybe not so much. It’s not feeling like a real knee-slapper to me. But that’s life, no? There are dark corners; sometimes we try to find the funny and the happy to light our way out of them. Or sometimes we just start writing.

And that is (one) answer to “Why the blog?” Here are some others:

  1. Because I’m not trained to do anything else, or at least no one has hired me to do what I was trained for.
  2. Because I love to write.
  3. Because I can write. And because sometimes I think that all I can do is write.
  4. Because it’s time to get serious about getting back to my writing dream.
  5. Because I still have so much to learn.
  6. Because I want to feel useful, and be of use to others.
  7. Because I want to contribute financially to our marriage and to our future.
  8. Because maybe something will come of this blogging business.
  9. Because sometimes it feels as though I’m on to something. Or maybe it’s just gas.
  10. Because … maybe … because maybe it’s my time.

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