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The Midlife Second Wife ™

~ The Real and True Adventures of Remarriage at Life's Midpoint

The Midlife Second Wife ™

Monthly Archives: October 2011

The Bride Wore Black

16 Sunday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Remarriage, Second Weddings, The Well-Dressed Life

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Bridal Gowns, Bride Wore Black, Brides, Fashion, François Truffaut, Jeanne Moreau, Love, Second Weddings, Wedding dress, Weddings

Photo Credit: Roger Mastroianni

It almost goes without saying that the experience of shopping for a second-wedding dress differs dramatically from the inaugural experience. The two are as different, you might say, as black and white.

In 1977, as a rookie bride-to-be, an entourage accompanied me on this cultural rite-of-passage: mother, maid of honor, and three bridesmaids. They attended me with the sort of devotion and diligence that acolytes reserve for royalty. They were as solicitous as a bevy of Pippa Middletons.

I and my entourage laid claim to Maryann’s Bridals in Lorain, Ohio, with the unbridled enthusiasm exhibited by women who, one would think, had never shopped before. We squealed. We sighed. We preened. We vamped. After several hours, we departed triumphant, a jumble of Qiana, tulle, and sequins in our wake.

Photo credit: Gordon de la Vars

This is what being a bride for the first time is like. This is what it is like on your wedding morn, too. I remember driving to Cleveland on the day of my divorce, 26 years later, painfully mindful of the disparity. When you get married, you do it surrounded by loved ones. When you get divorced, you do it on your own.

I was not alone, however, when I shopped for my second wedding dress; my fiancé accompanied me, in defiance of all superstition. It was a gray, rainy afternoon, and we had just left his younger son’s rugby game. The drive took us past Catan’s—“America’s Largest Bridal Salon”—in Strongsville, Ohio. It was late April, the wedding was less than four months away, and I was quietly panicking. A dress I had ordered online looked gorgeous on the website. On me it was matronly; I felt tired and washed-out looking in it, like week-old champagne.

“Let’s just run in and see what they have,” John suggested. “It will be fun.”

Fun? Let me tell you something about shopping for a wedding dress on a rainy day when you are 54-years-old. It is, in a word, ridiculous.

But John actually enjoys shopping, especially for me. In that enclave of satin, lace, and tiaras (which might as well have had a “Women Only” sign over the door, or, in my case, given my trepidation, “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here,”) he was my doting entourage.

I had already decided that I was not going to wear white or ivory, and I was far too mature for the traditional gown and veil. My choices were limited to the “Mother-of-the-Bride” and “Special Occasion” departments and hampered by an extremely modest budget. Truth be told, there were times when I thought it might be wiser and less stressful for us to elope, but this wedding was far too special to me to put a gloss on it. It marked the beginning of a new, midlife life, with the kind of man I always dreamed of but never thought I’d meet. I wanted to make a meaningful entrance into this fresh, second-half of my time on this earth, and with as much elegance as I could gather around me.

We had, in fact, agreed that a traditional ceremony, with as many of the trimmings as we could afford, would be a lasting memory for our sons, and symbolize for them the new family that we were fashioning.

Yet, as ridiculous as being my age and shopping for a wedding dress (or, more precisely, a dress in which to get married) seemed, it also represented something exhilarating and somewhat paradoxical, given the circumstances: freedom.

I was, forever, no longer 21. The princess-bride fantasies I once harbored had long since been relegated to the remainder bin. If I wanted to wear my favorite color, I was free to do so.

And so it was that the bride wore black.*

If the dress that I selected had anything to say to the world, it would be this:

Here is a new, albeit older, bride. A modern bride. A bride who, on occasion, likes to tweak tradition. A bride who knows what is what in this world. A bride who has lived five decades and four years, and who holds no preconceptions or illusions beneath an illusion veil. (Indeed, I would wear a single, simple calla lily in my hair.)

Yes. The dress suited me. And, winking at superstition myself, I peeked out of the fitting room to find John.

“Well? What do you think?”

“You look beautiful,” he said, smiling. “You’ve found the dress.”

Yes. The groom saw the bride in her gown before the wedding.

And so far, they’re living happily ever after.

*There’s a marvelous François Truffaut film from the late 1960s called The Bride Wore Black, starring the exquisite Jeanne Moreau, the plot of which has nothing whatsoever to do with my own story. Luckily.

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Peppery Pasta Parmigiano

12 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

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Tags

Food, Italian cooking, Olive oil, Parmigiano-Reggiano, Pasta, recipes

John and I love spending lazy Saturday mornings at the South-of-the-James, our favorite local Farmers’ Market. One recent, early-autumn day, we saw these beautiful peppers. I couldn’t resist photographing them, and of course I wondered how I might prepare them. I asked the vendor if they were sweet peppers or hot.

“Oh, they’re very mild,” she said. “I like to pop them right in my mouth.”

With that disclaimer in hand, John and I circled back to Cavanna’s, a fresh, handmade pasta stand, where we bought tagliolini, a sort of secondo cugino to fettuccine. We also picked up a zucchini, and—back in our neighborhood—bought some sweet Italian sausage to give the dish some heft.

Reader, if by writing this blog I can impart one lesson and one lesson only, let it be this: Whenever a farm vendor tells you that a pepper is mild, question it. Doubt it with every fiber of your being. Bring all of your skepticism to bear and, above all, never ever roast a pan of them in a hot oven and breathe in the fumes when you open the door. That said, use—at most—one-half of two of the smallest peppers for your dish. And only after removing their seeds. You must trust me on this. As for the remainder, give them to your husband’s colleague from India, who is as passionate about spontaneously combustible spices as mares are to oats or lambs are to ivy.

The recipe I concocted ended up being incredibly delicious. And, not counting the inhalation of hot-pepper fumes, no husbands or wives were injured during the preparation of this dish.
MiseEnPlace for Peppery Pasta_0743CAREFUL! Roasted Hot Peppers_0745The Sauté_0746Peppery Pasta Parmigiano_0748

Peppery Pasta Parmigiano, a set on Flickr.

Gallery of images for Peppery Pasta Parmigiano Recipe

Peppery Pasta Parmigiano

Makes four to six servings

1 pound of fresh tagliolini pasta
1/4 cup of good olive oil, divided
1 onion, finely chopped
2-3 cloves garlic, minced
1 zucchini, peeled and sliced thin
1/2 pound sweet Italian sausage, casing removed and sausage crumbled
1/2 cup dry white wine
2 tablespoons fresh Italian parsley, chopped
1-2 small, colorful peppers (refer to above disclaimer), seeds removed,
cut in half, and then cut in ribbons. Use one-half of each pepper.
1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon Kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese

Bring a large pot of salted water to boil.

Heat 1/8-cup olive oil in a sauté pan and brown the sausage until it is done and no longer pink. Set aside. In a second sauté pan, heat remaining olive oil and add onion, garlic, zucchini, and the browned sausage. Cook at medium heat for five minutes, or until onion is transparent.

Add wine and reduce at high heat for five minutes. Lower heat to medium, and add parsley and peppers. Season with pepper flakes, salt, and pepper and cook for five minutes.

With the pot of salted water at a roiling boil, add the fresh pasta. Take care to cook according to the package directions, noting that fresh pasta typically only takes two to three minutes to cook.

Drain the cooked pasta and rinse with cold water. Place about half in a large serving bowl and toss with the pepper/sausage concoction. Add remaining pasta and continue to toss. Top with cheese and serve.

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Charter Membership Has Its Privileges

12 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in What's the Buzz?

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

blogs, Charter, Charter Member, Facebook, LinkedIn, Online Communities, Twitter, WordPress

Dear Friends and Followers of The Midlife Second Wife,

The site has just welcomed its 1,500th visitor. I can hardly believe how many of you have peeked in the windows at my home-away-from-home on the Web. To date, here’s a by-the-numbers look at TMSW since its August 24, 2011 launch:

1,500 Total Site Visitors

49 Followers on Twitter (30 since 8/24/11)

44 Friends on Facebook

38 Blog Subscribers (35 by E-mail, 3 by WordPress)

30 Daily Visitors, Overall Average

All of this has got me quite gobsmacked, you know. Thank you from the bottom of my midlife-but-hopefully-healthy heart for reading and supporting The Midlife Second Wife.

Since we’re online, I can’t really propose a toast (well, I suppose I could, but it wouldn’t be as much fun as it would with us gathered in a room, holding flutes of Champagne). What I can do, however, is this:

I herewith announce the formation of The Midlife Second Wives’ Club. All of you who are now following the blog with your subscription, either by e-mail or as a WordPress blogger, are Charter Members of the club. That’s 38 Charter Members.

The Midlife Second Wives’ Club will be limited to 110 Charter Members. Here’s how I arrived at the number: John was 56 when we got married; I was 54. Add 56 and 54 and you get 110. This means that there is still room for 72 more subscribers to become Charter Members.

As you know, membership has its privileges. I cannot predict where The Midlife Second Wife will take us, but should the day come when TMSW merchandise becomes available, Charter Members will receive discounts. A book deal? Charter Members will receive autographed copies. A film? (Yes, I know. I dream big.) If there’s ever a premiere, Charter Members will receive the full red-carpet treatment.

Why? Because you have been with me from the very beginning. You’re my supporters, my posse, my peeps and tweeps. You deserve some perks!

What, you might ask, must I do to become a Charter Member of The Midlife Second Wives’ Club?

Well, if you’ve already subscribed to the blog by entering your e-mail or blog ID on the left-side of the screen, you’re in! And while we’re on the subject, I want to assure you that WordPress and I have a very strict privacy policy; neither I nor WordPress will ever share your e-mail address with anyone unless required to do so by a court of law. And come on: how likely is that to happen? Right.

So consider this scenario: You’re a Charter Member, but your partner/spouse/best friend is not. You don’t want to attend a movie premiere without him or her, do you? Ask them to join you in subscribing to the blog. (And by subscribing, I mean following. There’s no cost to you.) There’s room for 72 more in the VIP suite, so let them know!

What, you might ask, happens when the 73rd person subscribes to the blog? Are they, and those that follow after, relegated to some dank, subterranean room? You know me. I couldn’t do that. I will devise some secondary level of membership, and a tertiary level, and then whatever level comes after tertiary, to ensure that all followers of The Midlife Second Wife will feel the love. But I cannot in good conscience ignore the first 110. You are, and always will be, my inner circle.

Now go out and encourage your friends and family to follow the blog. And if you’re already liking it on Facebook or following it on Twitter but haven’t signed up here, please do so. I want you at that film premiere!

Thanks and Love,
The Midlife Second Wife

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What’s Baggage Got To Do With It?

07 Friday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Midpoints, Relationships and Family Life

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

baggage, Love, Relationships and Family Life, second marriages, Wendy Swallow

MorgueFile Image

Baggage. It can ruin a spirit just as easily as it can ruin a back. We carry so much of it throughout our lives, but never more so than when we chart a different course, at the intersection where middle age meets true love.

To get remarried at life’s midpoint is to start life as a grown-up all over again. What takes some of the fear and sting out of starting over from scratch is, paradoxically,  some of the baggage that we carry. That which has influenced us, marked us, and wounded us has also taught us. We have a glowing map this time around, whereas the first time some of us might have been driving in the dark, without any headlights on.

We have, in short, been forewarned.

The baggage metaphor springs today from that most pedestrian of pursuits: travel. I am writing this from the middle seat of the mid-section of a United Airlines flight to Orange County, California. I am multitasking, engaging my transversus abdominus the way that Dr. Amanda Miller taught me, so that all the bags I’ve just schlepped while walking down the endless airport corridors won’t wreak havoc on my lower back, and ruin my six sunny days in Southern California.

I’m thinking of baggage because, while I’m in California, I’m going to revisit a book that I read during my engagement to John. If you’ve been following this blog from the beginning, you’ll remember an article I wrote for the Richmond Times-Dispatch about online dating, and how I met John. In the article, I referenced a wonderful memoir of remarriage called The Triumph of Love Over Experience. The woman who wrote the book, Wendy Swallow, shared this stunning insight:

The single most important thing to making a marriage work is the ability of each party to tolerate the neuroses of the other. If you’re going to make it for the long haul, you’re going to have to learn to live with those neuroses. In fact, you’re going to have to learn to embrace them.

John and I like to think that we hug one another’s neuroses at least as often as we hug one another. We each possess a fairly sophisticated baggage-ometer, and can ferret out subtext pretty well, knowing when it’s time to give the other an extra mite of space. Or a strategically-timed hug.

Wendy Swallow will be my guest for an upcoming “Monday Morning Q & A,” so while I’m in California I’ll be doing my homework—re-reading her book with the vantage point of a full year of (re)marriage under my belt, and thinking about what I want to ask her.

One of my readers wrote me the following:

I’m not in midlife (not admittingly) and not a second wife, but I’m having thoughts and fears of a second marriage. I’m 43 (admitting it) and said that I would never remarry, but I have recently found someone who I would consider marrying and I’m scared as hell!

For this reader, I’ll formulate a question for Wendy. Is there anything you’d like me to ask her? If so, please send them to me at:

marci.keyword@gmail.com

Gotta run. The Southern California sunshine is calling me!

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Breakfast at Tiffany’s

05 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Indulgences, The Well-Dressed Life

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Fashion, fine jewelry, New York City, Tiffany & Co., Truman Capote

Even the poster sparkles!Tiffany & Co. at Stony Point Fashion ParkThe Tiffany & Co. DoorsWindow Dressing IWindow Dressing IIOfficials from Tiffany & Co.
The crowd awaits …Open for businessTiffany Model IBreakfast is served!Chamber MusicTiffany Model II
Tiffany Model IIIOrchidsGalleryAn Exquisite ChandelierFirst-day ShoppersTiffany Engagement Rings
The Famed Tiffany SettingPaloma Picasso Collection IPaloma Picasso Collection IIA Tiffany ChokerAn Array of HeartsBling

Breakfast at Tiffany’s, a set on Flickr.

Dear Readers—

Please forgive a second post on this topic; the software program I used to generate this photo gallery was a free trial and is going away in a few days; I didn’t want to take the chance on this gorgeous array of jewelry disappearing from the site. I’ve recreated the gallery in another, permanent program.

Anyway, you can’t have too much of a good thing, right?

Thanks for your patience!

Love,
TMSW

Last month I roused myself earlier than usual to drive one mile south of the James River to Richmond’s Stony Point Fashion Park. Like Audrey Hepburn’s Holly Golightly, I was going to have breakfast at Tiffany’s. Unlike Audrey/Holly, I was not wearing a black evening gown, opera gloves, clusters of diamonds in my hair, or pearls draped around my neck. (Holly, no doubt, was clad in rhinestones and paste. Audrey would have been diamonds and real pearls all the way.) I did wear black, though. With a camera draped around my neck.

I had been invited, as The Midlife Second Wife, to a special breakfast for members of the media in honor of Tiffany & Company’s grand opening. It was extremely well-attended; I’m told that of 34 people invited, 32 came. And this on a morning when President Barack Obama was to speak at the University of Richmond. After a week of nonstop rain, the day dawned warm and sunny—the better to reflect all the jewels, my dear.

The film Breakfast at Tiffany’s, based on Truman Capote’s novella, is so much a part of the cultural fabric that I almost expected to be served Danish at this affair. But no, the offerings were far more sedate and delicate—trays of waffle-and-chicken- and ham-and- biscuit-canapés circulated about the room on trays, carried by a solicitous catering staff, who also supplied flutes of orange and grapefruit juice. But with what surely was a wink and a nod to the store’s flagship city, the hosts also served up miniature potato latkes—topped with salmon, the tiniest dollop of sour cream, and two quarter-inch blades of chives. The coffee was local—Blanchard’s—and everything was quite delicious.

And oh yes! The jewelry! Bright, lustrous, sparkling … see for yourself. Here is a sampling  from the photos I took this morning. And no blog about remarriage would be complete without a photo of the famous Tiffany engagement ring. The hand in the picture is mine. I was obliged to leave the ring behind, of course. Luckily, I had an equally gorgeous one to slip back on.

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Vera’s Spätzle: Photo Gallery

05 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

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Tags

dumplings, Food, Hungarian cooking, recipes, Spätzle

MiseEnPlace_0670FrothyBeat_0671AddingFlour_0672DesiredConsistency_0675CarpetBeaterII_0676CarpetBeaterII_0677
DroppingTechniqueI_0679DroppingTechniqueII_0680DroppinginWater_0681SunkatBottom_0682A Rolling Boil_0683Testing for Doneness_0684
Drained Spaetzle_0685IMG_0707IMG_0708IMG_0709Plated_0714

Vera’s Spatzle, a set on Flickr.

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Vera’s Spätzle: The Recipe

05 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Boiling, Cooking, Dough, Flour, Food, Hungarian cooking, recipes, Spätzle

This recipe is so simple, and the results so incredibly delicious, that you’ll want to serve it with more than Chicken Paprikas—I imagine it would be a fine accompaniment to Hungarian Goulash, for example, or beef short ribs—anything that seems to call out for a comforting side dish such as this.

5 large eggs
1 tablespoon salt
All-purpose flour
Boiling, salted water
One large yellow onion, chopped
4-6 tablespoons salted butter
Kosher salt and pepper

Beat the eggs and the salt until frothy. (I find that my Kitchen-Aid stand mixer is ideal for this task—it’s less ergonomically stressful than using a hand-mixer. I use the flat beater, not the whisk.) Add the flour in increments, beating well after each addition. You will reach a point when you’ll need to stir in the last additions of flour until the mixture hangs to the spoon. (If you take a look at the photo gallery, you’ll see two pictures with a utensil that resembles a carpet beater. I bought this at Laurel Run, a wonderful cooking school in Vermilion, Ohio, not far from Oberlin, where I used to live. I find it’s a great tool to use when working with heavy doughs. A wooden or metal spoon will work just fine, though.)

Bring a large pot of water to boil. Add salt.

After years of experimenting, this is the best technique I’ve stumbled upon: using a small silicone spatula, scoop up some of the dough and, with a spoon or a knife, cut the dough into the pot of boiling water. The silicone helps the dough slide off and into the water more easily than using a metal spoon for the job. Note: If the spätzle break apart when they splash into the water, you’ll need to take a moment and add a bit more flour to the mixture. Be careful not to let them sink to the bottom of the pot.

Your objective is to achieve dumplings that are fairly uniform in size, like those in the pictures. They look like small loofah sponges, don’t they?

Continue this dough-cutting process until all of the Spätzle have been formed and are merrily boiling away in the water. Continue boiling for about 15 to 20 minutes, or until the largest Spätzle are done inside (I scoop the largest out with a spoon and cut it in half with a paring knife. If it still looks doughy inside, it’s not done yet.)

Drain the Spätzle in a colander and rinse them quickly with lukewarm water. At this stage, if you are not planning to complete the recipe, you may store them in the refrigerator, up to one day, in a bowl covered with plastic wrap.

When ready to serve the Spätzle, sauté the chopped onion in butter until translucent; add salt, pepper, and the drained Spätzle, and cook until they are warmed through and coated in the butter and onions.

And no, this is not a dish for people on a diet.

Serve with Chicken Paprikas, or experiment with other pairings.

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A Talk With Physical Therapist Dr. Amanda Miller

03 Monday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Monday Morning Q & A, The Healthy Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

American Physical Therapy Association, bone density, Connie Schultz, exercise, Health, heel lifts, leg fractures, leg length discrepancy, limb length discrepancy, lower back pain, Marlo Thomas, orthopedics, osteopenia, osteoporosis, Pelvic floor, pelvic obliquity, Physical therapy, Pilates, postural anomaly, Virginia Commonwealth University, Women's Health

Welcome to the “The Midlife Second Wife’s” debut feature—Monday Morning Q & A. In the months to come you can expect to read interviews with experts on a wide range of topics. Among those with whom I’ll be speaking are financial planners, authors, fashionistas, relationship and dating experts, life coaches, artists and artisans, lawyers, therapists, doctors, cooks, butchers, bakers, and even a real honest-to-goodness candlestick maker. Who knows? I might even snag an interview with my hero (and, some have said, doppelgänger), Marlo Thomas. At least, I’ll try! And although these interviews won’t appear every Monday, at least not at the start, I do want you to know that on select Mondays, we’ll be learning from others.

Incidentally, that’s one of the things I’ve come to love about writing this blog. I’m not an expert on anything, really. Well, maybe on life. Because, like you, I am living it. And as Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Connie Schultz wrote, Life Happens. It happens to me, to my loved ones, to you, to all of us. I want to understand it, learn from it, and move forward—with as much grace and grit as I can muster. Do you know what I think is really cool? As followers of this blog, you get to join me on the journey.

Why does this matter to me? Well, for one thing, I don’t like pain and I don’t like trouble; yet I’ve had plenty of both. And so have you. No one among us gets a free pass. But if even one sentence that I write in this blog helps you avoid either, I’ll be able to consider mine a life well-lived.

So, on to today’s inaugural interview. A suggestion before you start: You might want to take another look at “There Was a Crooked Woman…,” parts one and two, for some context. To recap, Dr. Miller treated me (quite successfully) for severe lower back pain, and I am eager to share with you what I have learned—and continue to learn—from her.

I came to see you for treatment of lower back pain, and you determined that I have limb-length discrepancy—my left leg is slightly longer than my right. Do you see many such cases? Would you say that it’s a common occurrence in the general population?

Leg-length discrepancy is a controversial topic, especially when it comes to treatment. There is a difference between true leg-length discrepancy and apparent leg-length discrepancy that results from other postural anomalies. I think the estimation in the literature is anywhere from a 40-percent to 70-percent prevalence in the population.

That’s around half of the population! To be clear, we’re speaking only about the United States, correct?

Correct.

What makes it controversial? What treatments are considered “controversial?”

The effects of LLD on function and the magnitude of LLD that warrants treatment are controversial. There is disagreement regarding the role that LLD plays in musculoskeletal disorders. There is also not a “gold standard” or most preferred way of accurately measuring discrepancy.

As you know, I broke my left leg several years ago—that’s the leg that’s out of whack. In my case, did the fracture lead to true, rather than apparent, leg-length discrepancy? I guess I want to know the meaning behind the terms “true” and “apparent.” And when you say “postural anomalies,” what do you mean? Can you give me some examples?

True—or structural—LLD can be caused “traumatically” by fractures and repairs, fractures affecting the growth plates in children before they have finished growing, and total hip replacements. They can also be congenital, such as congenital dislocation of the hip, or other skeletal disorders. Postural anomalies include impairments such as scoliosis, and muscle imbalances causing changes in standing/sitting posture. For instance, if you are a swimmer and breathe only to one side during freestyle, you may develop shortening of your oblique muscles—the the trunk muscles that do rotation and side-bending—on one side. That shortening can lead to a slight sidebend/rotation at rest in standing or sitting.

Do fractures always lead to LLD? Would the fact that my orthopedic surgeon had to install a plate in my leg (at the knee joint) have contributed to the problem I’ve been having?

Fractures and other surgeries don’t always cause leg-length discrepancies, but it’s something to be aware of, certainly. And again, leg-length discrepancies don’t always cause pain or dysfunction.

Might either osteopenia or osteoporosis cause LLD?

Changes in bone density can be a factor; muscular asymmetries that change the way the spine, pelvis, and hips move are also factors. For instance, if someone is prone to standing on their left leg with hip cocked, they can cause asymmetric muscle shortening that can appear as a pelvic obliquity or leg-length discrepancy.

Pelvic obliquity. You referenced that when you were treating me; that’s when I discovered you are a pelvic-floor specialist. Could you please talk a moment about what you mean by “pelvic obliquity”?

Pelvic obliquity refers to an apparent change in the bony alignment of your pelvis, often caused by muscle imbalances. The contributing muscles may be of your pelvic floor, or back/hips/trunk.

If LLD can lead to lumbago, or lower back pain, to what other medical issues can it contribute?

Anything from ankle, knee, and hip-dysfunction, all the way up to neck and shoulder pain. Leg-length discrepancy, or any postural dysfunction, can change the way you move and carry out normal activities of daily living, as well as recreational or athletic activities.

How does one even know to check for LLD? If a person is suffering from chronic lower back pain, is LLD something for which a doctor should check?

Your basic primary care doctor—and even most orthopedic doctors—will look for postural dysfunction, and, hopefully, refer you to a musculoskeletal specialist for further work-up. If you are having any dysfunction, and a possible leg-length discrepancy may contribute, make an appointment with a physical therapist

Let’s talk about appearances. You initially thought I would need to wear a heel lift, but determined that my discrepancy was subtle enough that I could do without one. If a person does need to wear a heel lift, does that mean he or she can no longer wear certain styles of shoes? It gets awfully hot in Virginia in the summertime; must a person forgo flip-flops and sandals? And what about high heels?

If a patient needs a heel lift for a true discrepancy, as opposed to an apparent discrepancy, then they will need to wear comfortable shoes that they can put the heel lift in whenever they are doing a significant amount of standing or walking. Flip-flops are inadvisable for anyone who has back pain, unless they provide a lot of support. Some sandals have removable inserts that heel lifts can go under. High heels are dependent on the height of the heel and the width of the back of the shoe. Of course, if all you do in your shoes is walk from your car to your office, and then you sit all day, shoe choice is not as big of a concern.

A friend of mine has a name for the high heels you just described. She calls them “curb shoes”—as in: “I’m wearing high heels, so please pick me up/drop me off at the curb.” But what about a situation where your job has you sitting all day; that’s not good, is it?

The sitting or the shoes??? Neither are great. If you can’t walk comfortably in your shoes, you should probably not be wearing them. If you have to wear them, keep your flats in your purse, and use those for walking.

Other than heel lifts, are there other things a person can do to alleviate not only the leg discrepancy, but also its symptoms? Short of stretching with a medieval torture rack?

Exercise!! If your muscles are stronger, they are better able to control motion and transfer load across your lumbo-pelvis, which means improved stability and decreased pain and irritation across the joint. Appropriate shoe wear and good body mechanics are also essential.

Let’s talk about exercise, then. The first thing you had me doing were exercises to strengthen my core; in fact, I shared your exercise for “setting” one’s TA, or transverse abdominis, in part two of “There Was a Crooked Woman…” Why are these exercises important? And can you talk a moment about what it means, exactly, to strengthen one’s core?

Sure. The core is made up of four muscle groups: the transverse abdominis that you mention, which is the deepest abdominal muscle; the pelvic floor muscles; the multifidus, or the deepest back muscle, and the respiratory diaphragm. These muscles work to optimize intra-abdominal (inner abdominal) pressure in order to help stabilize the spine during load transfer or movement. We often see core dysfunction in people with back, pelvic, or abdominal pain. I believe that the first step in treating this kind of back pain is to improve the function and use of core muscles, along with pain management techniques and lifestyle modifications such as body mechanics—for example, how you transition from a sitting to a standing position.

Yes! Another thing you had me think about was how I’ve been getting up from a chair. I must first “engage my core” in the manner of the exercise I published last week, right?

That’s right. This is something that should happen automatically but often doesn’t in people who have pain.

As I recall, when I was in pain it really wasn’t all that easy to “engage my core,” but I see how important it is. What other exercises are helpful in alleviating lower back pain? And isn’t that something of an oxymoron? If one is in pain, won’t exercise lead to more pain?

Actually, oftentimes movement helps decrease back pain, especially once you are out of the acute phase. A gentle walking program, strengthening and stretching exercises, core work, are all helpful. Avoid a lot of high-impact stuff at first, and make sure motions and activities that you are doing are comfortable and controlled. Never ever hold your breath with exercise, remember to exhale on exertion, and don’t forget to engage your pelvic floor!

I’ve started walking three mornings a week with a friend; I’m up to two miles a morning now.

That’s good! Keep it up.

What about core work? You have Pilates reformers in your exercise studio, and I really enjoyed trying them out. Pilates is all about core work, isn’t it?

That’s right. Pilates does a great job of incorporating all components of your core, including your diaphragm and pelvic floor.

You mentioned pain-management techniques earlier. There’s always some confusion about this when I speak with my friends. Does one apply heat at the immediate onset of pain, or ice? At the end of each session at Progress Physical Therapy, either you or one of your assistants would apply ice to my back, and you told me to ice my back after doing my home exercises. Is there ever a good time for heat-therapy?

Ice is better for inflammation; heat is better for muscle tightness. Always try ice first if you are unsure which category you fall into. Heat can, at times, make inflammation worse.

Hmmmm. “Fall into.” Not the best choice of words when speaking with someone like me! Is there anything I didn’t ask you that you wish I had?

Nothing that I can think of! The moral to the story is keep active. And if you have any specific questions about your core, or specific limitations, please see your physical therapist.

I will, Dr. Miller. Thanks so much for being my first guest on the blog.

You’re welcome!


Dr. Amanda Miller is a member of the clinical staff at Progress Physical Therapy in Glen Allen, Virginia. She earned a Doctor of Physical Therapy degree at Virginia Commonwealth University’s School of Physical Therapy in 2009, and, in 2006, a Bachelor of Science degree at Virginia Tech, where she majored in human nutrition, foods, and exercise and minored in psychology. Dr. Miller is a member of the Women’s Health and Orthopedic sections of the American Physical Therapy Association, and serves as Central District chair of the Virginia Physical Therapy Association. She is also a member of the National Vulvodynia Association and is a clinical instructor at Virginia Commonwealth University.

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