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The Midlife Second Wife ™

~ The Real and True Adventures of Remarriage at Life's Midpoint

The Midlife Second Wife ™

Author Archives: themidlifesecondwife

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

05 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Indulgences, The Well-Dressed Life

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Fashion, fine jewelry, New York City, Tiffany & Co., Truman Capote

Even the poster sparkles!Tiffany & Co. at Stony Point Fashion ParkThe Tiffany & Co. DoorsWindow Dressing IWindow Dressing IIOfficials from Tiffany & Co.
The crowd awaits …Open for businessTiffany Model IBreakfast is served!Chamber MusicTiffany Model II
Tiffany Model IIIOrchidsGalleryAn Exquisite ChandelierFirst-day ShoppersTiffany Engagement Rings
The Famed Tiffany SettingPaloma Picasso Collection IPaloma Picasso Collection IIA Tiffany ChokerAn Array of HeartsBling

Breakfast at Tiffany’s, a set on Flickr.

Dear Readers—

Please forgive a second post on this topic; the software program I used to generate this photo gallery was a free trial and is going away in a few days; I didn’t want to take the chance on this gorgeous array of jewelry disappearing from the site. I’ve recreated the gallery in another, permanent program.

Anyway, you can’t have too much of a good thing, right?

Thanks for your patience!

Love,
TMSW

Last month I roused myself earlier than usual to drive one mile south of the James River to Richmond’s Stony Point Fashion Park. Like Audrey Hepburn’s Holly Golightly, I was going to have breakfast at Tiffany’s. Unlike Audrey/Holly, I was not wearing a black evening gown, opera gloves, clusters of diamonds in my hair, or pearls draped around my neck. (Holly, no doubt, was clad in rhinestones and paste. Audrey would have been diamonds and real pearls all the way.) I did wear black, though. With a camera draped around my neck.

I had been invited, as The Midlife Second Wife, to a special breakfast for members of the media in honor of Tiffany & Company’s grand opening. It was extremely well-attended; I’m told that of 34 people invited, 32 came. And this on a morning when President Barack Obama was to speak at the University of Richmond. After a week of nonstop rain, the day dawned warm and sunny—the better to reflect all the jewels, my dear.

The film Breakfast at Tiffany’s, based on Truman Capote’s novella, is so much a part of the cultural fabric that I almost expected to be served Danish at this affair. But no, the offerings were far more sedate and delicate—trays of waffle-and-chicken- and ham-and- biscuit-canapés circulated about the room on trays, carried by a solicitous catering staff, who also supplied flutes of orange and grapefruit juice. But with what surely was a wink and a nod to the store’s flagship city, the hosts also served up miniature potato latkes—topped with salmon, the tiniest dollop of sour cream, and two quarter-inch blades of chives. The coffee was local—Blanchard’s—and everything was quite delicious.

And oh yes! The jewelry! Bright, lustrous, sparkling … see for yourself. Here is a sampling  from the photos I took this morning. And no blog about remarriage would be complete without a photo of the famous Tiffany engagement ring. The hand in the picture is mine. I was obliged to leave the ring behind, of course. Luckily, I had an equally gorgeous one to slip back on.

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Vera’s Spätzle: Photo Gallery

05 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

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Tags

dumplings, Food, Hungarian cooking, recipes, Spätzle

MiseEnPlace_0670FrothyBeat_0671AddingFlour_0672DesiredConsistency_0675CarpetBeaterII_0676CarpetBeaterII_0677
DroppingTechniqueI_0679DroppingTechniqueII_0680DroppinginWater_0681SunkatBottom_0682A Rolling Boil_0683Testing for Doneness_0684
Drained Spaetzle_0685IMG_0707IMG_0708IMG_0709Plated_0714

Vera’s Spatzle, a set on Flickr.

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Vera’s Spätzle: The Recipe

05 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Boiling, Cooking, Dough, Flour, Food, Hungarian cooking, recipes, Spätzle

This recipe is so simple, and the results so incredibly delicious, that you’ll want to serve it with more than Chicken Paprikas—I imagine it would be a fine accompaniment to Hungarian Goulash, for example, or beef short ribs—anything that seems to call out for a comforting side dish such as this.

5 large eggs
1 tablespoon salt
All-purpose flour
Boiling, salted water
One large yellow onion, chopped
4-6 tablespoons salted butter
Kosher salt and pepper

Beat the eggs and the salt until frothy. (I find that my Kitchen-Aid stand mixer is ideal for this task—it’s less ergonomically stressful than using a hand-mixer. I use the flat beater, not the whisk.) Add the flour in increments, beating well after each addition. You will reach a point when you’ll need to stir in the last additions of flour until the mixture hangs to the spoon. (If you take a look at the photo gallery, you’ll see two pictures with a utensil that resembles a carpet beater. I bought this at Laurel Run, a wonderful cooking school in Vermilion, Ohio, not far from Oberlin, where I used to live. I find it’s a great tool to use when working with heavy doughs. A wooden or metal spoon will work just fine, though.)

Bring a large pot of water to boil. Add salt.

After years of experimenting, this is the best technique I’ve stumbled upon: using a small silicone spatula, scoop up some of the dough and, with a spoon or a knife, cut the dough into the pot of boiling water. The silicone helps the dough slide off and into the water more easily than using a metal spoon for the job. Note: If the spätzle break apart when they splash into the water, you’ll need to take a moment and add a bit more flour to the mixture. Be careful not to let them sink to the bottom of the pot.

Your objective is to achieve dumplings that are fairly uniform in size, like those in the pictures. They look like small loofah sponges, don’t they?

Continue this dough-cutting process until all of the Spätzle have been formed and are merrily boiling away in the water. Continue boiling for about 15 to 20 minutes, or until the largest Spätzle are done inside (I scoop the largest out with a spoon and cut it in half with a paring knife. If it still looks doughy inside, it’s not done yet.)

Drain the Spätzle in a colander and rinse them quickly with lukewarm water. At this stage, if you are not planning to complete the recipe, you may store them in the refrigerator, up to one day, in a bowl covered with plastic wrap.

When ready to serve the Spätzle, sauté the chopped onion in butter until translucent; add salt, pepper, and the drained Spätzle, and cook until they are warmed through and coated in the butter and onions.

And no, this is not a dish for people on a diet.

Serve with Chicken Paprikas, or experiment with other pairings.

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A Talk With Physical Therapist Dr. Amanda Miller

03 Monday Oct 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Monday Morning Q & A, The Healthy Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

American Physical Therapy Association, bone density, Connie Schultz, exercise, Health, heel lifts, leg fractures, leg length discrepancy, limb length discrepancy, lower back pain, Marlo Thomas, orthopedics, osteopenia, osteoporosis, Pelvic floor, pelvic obliquity, Physical therapy, Pilates, postural anomaly, Virginia Commonwealth University, Women's Health

Welcome to the “The Midlife Second Wife’s” debut feature—Monday Morning Q & A. In the months to come you can expect to read interviews with experts on a wide range of topics. Among those with whom I’ll be speaking are financial planners, authors, fashionistas, relationship and dating experts, life coaches, artists and artisans, lawyers, therapists, doctors, cooks, butchers, bakers, and even a real honest-to-goodness candlestick maker. Who knows? I might even snag an interview with my hero (and, some have said, doppelgänger), Marlo Thomas. At least, I’ll try! And although these interviews won’t appear every Monday, at least not at the start, I do want you to know that on select Mondays, we’ll be learning from others.

Incidentally, that’s one of the things I’ve come to love about writing this blog. I’m not an expert on anything, really. Well, maybe on life. Because, like you, I am living it. And as Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Connie Schultz wrote, Life Happens. It happens to me, to my loved ones, to you, to all of us. I want to understand it, learn from it, and move forward—with as much grace and grit as I can muster. Do you know what I think is really cool? As followers of this blog, you get to join me on the journey.

Why does this matter to me? Well, for one thing, I don’t like pain and I don’t like trouble; yet I’ve had plenty of both. And so have you. No one among us gets a free pass. But if even one sentence that I write in this blog helps you avoid either, I’ll be able to consider mine a life well-lived.

So, on to today’s inaugural interview. A suggestion before you start: You might want to take another look at “There Was a Crooked Woman…,” parts one and two, for some context. To recap, Dr. Miller treated me (quite successfully) for severe lower back pain, and I am eager to share with you what I have learned—and continue to learn—from her.

I came to see you for treatment of lower back pain, and you determined that I have limb-length discrepancy—my left leg is slightly longer than my right. Do you see many such cases? Would you say that it’s a common occurrence in the general population?

Leg-length discrepancy is a controversial topic, especially when it comes to treatment. There is a difference between true leg-length discrepancy and apparent leg-length discrepancy that results from other postural anomalies. I think the estimation in the literature is anywhere from a 40-percent to 70-percent prevalence in the population.

That’s around half of the population! To be clear, we’re speaking only about the United States, correct?

Correct.

What makes it controversial? What treatments are considered “controversial?”

The effects of LLD on function and the magnitude of LLD that warrants treatment are controversial. There is disagreement regarding the role that LLD plays in musculoskeletal disorders. There is also not a “gold standard” or most preferred way of accurately measuring discrepancy.

As you know, I broke my left leg several years ago—that’s the leg that’s out of whack. In my case, did the fracture lead to true, rather than apparent, leg-length discrepancy? I guess I want to know the meaning behind the terms “true” and “apparent.” And when you say “postural anomalies,” what do you mean? Can you give me some examples?

True—or structural—LLD can be caused “traumatically” by fractures and repairs, fractures affecting the growth plates in children before they have finished growing, and total hip replacements. They can also be congenital, such as congenital dislocation of the hip, or other skeletal disorders. Postural anomalies include impairments such as scoliosis, and muscle imbalances causing changes in standing/sitting posture. For instance, if you are a swimmer and breathe only to one side during freestyle, you may develop shortening of your oblique muscles—the the trunk muscles that do rotation and side-bending—on one side. That shortening can lead to a slight sidebend/rotation at rest in standing or sitting.

Do fractures always lead to LLD? Would the fact that my orthopedic surgeon had to install a plate in my leg (at the knee joint) have contributed to the problem I’ve been having?

Fractures and other surgeries don’t always cause leg-length discrepancies, but it’s something to be aware of, certainly. And again, leg-length discrepancies don’t always cause pain or dysfunction.

Might either osteopenia or osteoporosis cause LLD?

Changes in bone density can be a factor; muscular asymmetries that change the way the spine, pelvis, and hips move are also factors. For instance, if someone is prone to standing on their left leg with hip cocked, they can cause asymmetric muscle shortening that can appear as a pelvic obliquity or leg-length discrepancy.

Pelvic obliquity. You referenced that when you were treating me; that’s when I discovered you are a pelvic-floor specialist. Could you please talk a moment about what you mean by “pelvic obliquity”?

Pelvic obliquity refers to an apparent change in the bony alignment of your pelvis, often caused by muscle imbalances. The contributing muscles may be of your pelvic floor, or back/hips/trunk.

If LLD can lead to lumbago, or lower back pain, to what other medical issues can it contribute?

Anything from ankle, knee, and hip-dysfunction, all the way up to neck and shoulder pain. Leg-length discrepancy, or any postural dysfunction, can change the way you move and carry out normal activities of daily living, as well as recreational or athletic activities.

How does one even know to check for LLD? If a person is suffering from chronic lower back pain, is LLD something for which a doctor should check?

Your basic primary care doctor—and even most orthopedic doctors—will look for postural dysfunction, and, hopefully, refer you to a musculoskeletal specialist for further work-up. If you are having any dysfunction, and a possible leg-length discrepancy may contribute, make an appointment with a physical therapist

Let’s talk about appearances. You initially thought I would need to wear a heel lift, but determined that my discrepancy was subtle enough that I could do without one. If a person does need to wear a heel lift, does that mean he or she can no longer wear certain styles of shoes? It gets awfully hot in Virginia in the summertime; must a person forgo flip-flops and sandals? And what about high heels?

If a patient needs a heel lift for a true discrepancy, as opposed to an apparent discrepancy, then they will need to wear comfortable shoes that they can put the heel lift in whenever they are doing a significant amount of standing or walking. Flip-flops are inadvisable for anyone who has back pain, unless they provide a lot of support. Some sandals have removable inserts that heel lifts can go under. High heels are dependent on the height of the heel and the width of the back of the shoe. Of course, if all you do in your shoes is walk from your car to your office, and then you sit all day, shoe choice is not as big of a concern.

A friend of mine has a name for the high heels you just described. She calls them “curb shoes”—as in: “I’m wearing high heels, so please pick me up/drop me off at the curb.” But what about a situation where your job has you sitting all day; that’s not good, is it?

The sitting or the shoes??? Neither are great. If you can’t walk comfortably in your shoes, you should probably not be wearing them. If you have to wear them, keep your flats in your purse, and use those for walking.

Other than heel lifts, are there other things a person can do to alleviate not only the leg discrepancy, but also its symptoms? Short of stretching with a medieval torture rack?

Exercise!! If your muscles are stronger, they are better able to control motion and transfer load across your lumbo-pelvis, which means improved stability and decreased pain and irritation across the joint. Appropriate shoe wear and good body mechanics are also essential.

Let’s talk about exercise, then. The first thing you had me doing were exercises to strengthen my core; in fact, I shared your exercise for “setting” one’s TA, or transverse abdominis, in part two of “There Was a Crooked Woman…” Why are these exercises important? And can you talk a moment about what it means, exactly, to strengthen one’s core?

Sure. The core is made up of four muscle groups: the transverse abdominis that you mention, which is the deepest abdominal muscle; the pelvic floor muscles; the multifidus, or the deepest back muscle, and the respiratory diaphragm. These muscles work to optimize intra-abdominal (inner abdominal) pressure in order to help stabilize the spine during load transfer or movement. We often see core dysfunction in people with back, pelvic, or abdominal pain. I believe that the first step in treating this kind of back pain is to improve the function and use of core muscles, along with pain management techniques and lifestyle modifications such as body mechanics—for example, how you transition from a sitting to a standing position.

Yes! Another thing you had me think about was how I’ve been getting up from a chair. I must first “engage my core” in the manner of the exercise I published last week, right?

That’s right. This is something that should happen automatically but often doesn’t in people who have pain.

As I recall, when I was in pain it really wasn’t all that easy to “engage my core,” but I see how important it is. What other exercises are helpful in alleviating lower back pain? And isn’t that something of an oxymoron? If one is in pain, won’t exercise lead to more pain?

Actually, oftentimes movement helps decrease back pain, especially once you are out of the acute phase. A gentle walking program, strengthening and stretching exercises, core work, are all helpful. Avoid a lot of high-impact stuff at first, and make sure motions and activities that you are doing are comfortable and controlled. Never ever hold your breath with exercise, remember to exhale on exertion, and don’t forget to engage your pelvic floor!

I’ve started walking three mornings a week with a friend; I’m up to two miles a morning now.

That’s good! Keep it up.

What about core work? You have Pilates reformers in your exercise studio, and I really enjoyed trying them out. Pilates is all about core work, isn’t it?

That’s right. Pilates does a great job of incorporating all components of your core, including your diaphragm and pelvic floor.

You mentioned pain-management techniques earlier. There’s always some confusion about this when I speak with my friends. Does one apply heat at the immediate onset of pain, or ice? At the end of each session at Progress Physical Therapy, either you or one of your assistants would apply ice to my back, and you told me to ice my back after doing my home exercises. Is there ever a good time for heat-therapy?

Ice is better for inflammation; heat is better for muscle tightness. Always try ice first if you are unsure which category you fall into. Heat can, at times, make inflammation worse.

Hmmmm. “Fall into.” Not the best choice of words when speaking with someone like me! Is there anything I didn’t ask you that you wish I had?

Nothing that I can think of! The moral to the story is keep active. And if you have any specific questions about your core, or specific limitations, please see your physical therapist.

I will, Dr. Miller. Thanks so much for being my first guest on the blog.

You’re welcome!


Dr. Amanda Miller is a member of the clinical staff at Progress Physical Therapy in Glen Allen, Virginia. She earned a Doctor of Physical Therapy degree at Virginia Commonwealth University’s School of Physical Therapy in 2009, and, in 2006, a Bachelor of Science degree at Virginia Tech, where she majored in human nutrition, foods, and exercise and minored in psychology. Dr. Miller is a member of the Women’s Health and Orthopedic sections of the American Physical Therapy Association, and serves as Central District chair of the Virginia Physical Therapy Association. She is also a member of the National Vulvodynia Association and is a clinical instructor at Virginia Commonwealth University.

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Vera’s ChickenPaprikas

28 Wednesday Sep 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

chicken, Food, Hungarian cooking, Paprika, Penzeys, recipes, Sour cream

PaprikasMiseEnPlace_0686PaprikasOnion_0687SeasoningChicken0688AddingPaprika_0693SeasoningDone_0694AddingOnion_0697
Saute_0698AddedWater_0699Thickener_0701SourCream_0703SourCreamII_0705Plated_0714

ChickenPaprikas, a set on Flickr.

My former mother-in-law, who celebrated her 90th birthday on September 26, taught me this recipe for chicken paprikas back in the early days of my first marriage. I thought of Vera as I cooked this for John and our friends Amy and Gerry. Vera had acquired the recipe from a Hungarian friend, so its provenance is pretty authentic. Chicken paprikas (POP-rik-OSH) has been a standard in my cooking repertoire for more than 30 years. It took me about that long to figure out that I don’t have to make the flour and egg dumplings (Spätzle), over which this is served, at the same time I’m making the paprikas; I used to resemble a whirling dervish at the stove, juggling all of the different pans required to bring this meal to completion. Now I make the Spätzle the morning of the day I’m serving it, keeping it refrigerated until it’s time for the last step in the assembly process. I’ll post the recipe for Spätzle next Wednesday.

We raised a glass to Vera as we sat down to this marvelous dish. She tells me that she still makes chicken paprikas, even at the age of 90.

Special thanks to The Midlife Second Husband, John Rich, for serving as assistant camera man for this photo shoot!

3 and one-half to 4 pounds chicken parts (legs, thighs, wings, and breasts)*
4 tablespoons canola oil
Kosher salt & pepper to taste
Paprika to taste (I use Penzeys’ Hungarian paprika, but if you live near an ethnic grocery store look for authentic Hungarian paprika there.)
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
Approximately 1 cup cold water PLUS 1 cup paprikas juice
Approximately 2 cups flour, but add judiciously
Approximately 1 to 1 and one-half cups sour cream

  1. In a large sauté pan, brown chicken parts in canola oil at medium-high heat.
  2. Coat all sides of chicken with salt, pepper, and paprika. (Be generous with the paprika. You want to impart a rich orange color to the sauce.)
  3. After chicken has browned, add the onion and continue to cook for about 15 minutes.
  4. Add cold water to the pan, just enough so it comes up to the sides of the chicken but does not cover the chicken. Bring to a boil, and simmer uncovered until chicken is cooked. (Test that it’s done by removing the largest piece of chicken and cutting it near the bone. If it’s pink, it goes back on the flame.) It won’t hurt the smaller pieces to continue simmering.
  5. When you’ve determined that the chicken is done, add equal parts flour, water, and paprikas juice to make a thickening paste, whisking constantly to blend. Add the flour paste to the pan and stir it in with a wooden spoon to distribute it evenly throughout the sauce. I use the two-handed approach, wooden spoon in one hand and whisk in the other, to smoothly incorporate the flour into the sauce and get rid of any lumps.
  6. After you’ve added the flour and blended it into a nice thick sauce, add enough sour cream until you’ve achieved your desired consistency. You are going for a creamy sauce, rich in color and flavor.
  7. This can continue to cook, covered or uncovered, until the rest of your meal is ready. Serve over homemade Spätzle or store-bought noodles. You don’t need to ask which starch the Midlife Second Wife prefers. Spätzle will be the topic of next Wednesday’s recipe.

* I’ve combined two schools of thought—whether to have the chicken go au naturel or leave the skin on—to make a third school of thought: remove the skin from about half of the chicken to save on calories (Ha! Like there are none in the sour cream and oil!) and leave the skin on for the other half to boost the flavor.

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There Was a Crooked Woman … Part II

26 Monday Sep 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Healthy Life

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons, Bride of Frankenstein, Health, Heidi Klum, lower back pain, Orthopedic, Pelvic floor, Physical therapy, Transversus abdominis muscle

Well, what do you know about that? Herewith, the cause of all my back trouble:

One of my legs, the right one, is shorter than the other by about, oh, one centimeter, according to Dr. Amanda Miller, my physical therapist. That’s almost a half-inch, isn’t it?

No wonder my back had me in the throes of agony.

A reader commented on Part I of “There Was a Crooked Woman …” that she’s in the same predicament, and has heard the situation is not unusual.

That got me thinking …

According to the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons, limb length discrepancies, as they are called, are not at all uncommon in the general population. The AAOS website references a study of 600 military recruits. Thirty-two percent of them had a one-fifth to three-fifths-inch difference between the lengths of their legs, a “normal” variation.

Isn’t this, like having flat feet, the sort of thing that disqualifies one from service? You can find a list of medical eliminators on the Military.com website. Apparently, crookedness can indeed keep you home. There it is, in the section on Lower Extremities:

(2) Shortening of a lower extremity resulting in a noticeable limp or scoliosis.

I remember being checked for scoliosis when I was a child; fortunately, I was spared that malady. But I never thought I had a limp until a clerk at our dry cleaners chastised me for dragging myself into the shop one afternoon.

“You’ll have to step livelier than that!”

“Well, I can’t step any livelier,” I said. “My back is killing me. And you know what? I’ve just come from seeing my physical therapist. She says that one of my legs is shorter than the other.”

“Honey, I could have told you that. You limp.”

Interesting. Someone I see twice a month, at best, had noticed what neither I nor my husband could see. I have a limp.

So much for my dreams of slinking down the runway during Fashion Week.

I have a theory about why one leg is shorter than the other. (Notice how I have yet to say, “One leg is longer than the other?” Typical. I must learn to accentuate the positive.)

Anyway, the theory: My left leg is taller now because I broke it several years ago. Slipped on the ice on my driveway. When I was single. On Valentine’s Day. Should have had a blog back then.

The break was at the knee, a “tibial plateau fracture,” the orthopedic surgeon called it. I was in the hospital for 18 days.

At the time, no one told me that because of all the hardware in my knee, I would be gifted with an extra half-inch in addition to the thrill of TSA pat-downs whenever I trigger the alarm at airport security.

The thing is, the dimensions seem off to me. I have actually lost height over the years. Where I was once a leonine five feet seven and one-half inches, I am now, on a good day, five feet six. Where did these inches go? Oh yes. Never mind. I remember. Next subject.

We’ll explore the wonderful world of osteoporosis and osteopenia in a future post. And maybe, if I’m feeling brave, the weight gain that comes with being an incredible shrinking woman of 55.

For now, I want to tell you that after several sessions with Dr. Miller, I was feeling much better. The first thing I learned from her—and perhaps the most valuable—was the importance of “engaging my core.”

I’m something of a sloucher. It’s true. And what with all the transitions of this whopping big year, I allowed the modest exercise regimen I enjoyed in Ohio to fall by the wayside. One year of no exercise—save walking the dog, trudging up and down the stairs, running the vacuum, and, ah, getting to know my new husband better—will wreak havoc on the body’s vital systems. In my case, the skeletal and muscular ones were in pretty shabby shape.

Being in such pain, I couldn’t just jump on the nearest treadmill. I had to begin gently, and from within. The first set of exercises Dr. Miller assigned me were a dream for a phys-ed slacker such as myself. She taught me how to “set” my TA, or my

Transversus Abdominus

For those of you playing along at home, here’s what you do to “set” your TA:

  1. TAKE A NORMAL BREATH IN, AND A NORMAL BREATH OUT.
  2. AT THE END OF YOUR EXHALE, SLOWLY AND GENTLY CONTRACT YOUR PELVIC FLOOR MUSCLES.
  3. HOLD THE CONTRACTION FOR 2-4 BREATH CYCLES.
  4. RELAX AND REPEAT 10 TIMES IN A ROW, 3 TIMES PER DAY.

The best positions in which to practice this, progressing from the easiest to the hardest, are:

Hooklying (on your back with knees bent)
Sidelying (practice lateral rib expansion with inhale in this position)
Prone (practice belly very gently rising away from the mat, NOT pushing into it)

There are several “muscle cues” one uses in order to engage the pelvic floor:

Imagine slowing the flow of urine
Imagine yourself drawing in a tampon
Pull the anus toward the pubic bone

You definitely should not hold your breath. And you should not see your tummy bulging, your belly button moving dramatically, or your ribs popping up. Dr. Miller’s image, which I like very much because it involves food, is to think of a bowl of cereal on my abdomen. Under no circumstances am I to tip that bowl of cereal. After several days of setting my TA, applying ice to my back, and taking the anti-inflammatory pills Dr. Miller asked my other doctor to prescribe, I was beginning to feel better. I was walking, if not like Heidi Klum, than less like the Bride of Frankenstein.

Next Monday, Dr. Amanda Miller of Progress Physical Therapy will be the inaugural guest on “The Midlife Second Wife’s” newest feature: MONDAY MORNING Q & A. Stay tuned!

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To Writers!

23 Friday Sep 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Writing Life

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Anthony Hopkins, blogging, C.S. Lewis, freelancers, International Freelancers Academy, International Freelancers Day, James River Writers, Library of Virginia, LinkedIn, literary agents, Richmond Times-Dispatch, Writer Resources, writers conferences, writing, writing communities

Did you know today is International Freelancers Day?

To mark the occasion, I am going to have lunch with some Richmond writers at Can Can Brasserie, one of my favorite haunts here in the real world. In the virtual world I will be attending a few webinar sessions offered by the International Freelancers Academy. The name sounds rather posh and Oxbridge, doesn’t it?

Up until this week, I did not know such an organization existed. That’s the thing about blogging. One day you’re poking around on the web, looking for kindred spirits online; the next thing you know, you’re a member of an Academy. Well, at least on LinkedIn.

A sense of community is important for writers. There’s a touching moment in the film Shadowlands, when a young student tells C.S. Lewis (played by Anthony Hopkins) that “we read to know we’re not alone.”

I agree. To which I would add: we write to know we’re not alone. And when we’re done writing for the day we often seek other members of our tribe. Sometimes, if we’re lucky (and I am), we’re married to one.

In the essay I wrote for the Richmond Times-Dispatch, the one that got this blog rolling, I mentioned some of the places and organizations that I discovered early in my tenure as a Richmonder. One organization particularly close to my heart is James River Writers.

I had been here less than a month and was still getting lost—even when using the GPS. After a few wrong turns in a city where, it seems, every other turn is illegal because every other street is one-way, I found myself at JRW’s office in Richmond’s historic Manchester district. The office is actually a room in the ArtWorks gallery on Hull Street. This is where I first met Anne Bryan Westrick, JRW’s administrative director. If such a thing as friendship at first sight exists, this was it. Warm and open-hearted, she welcomed me into her office even though she was in the midst of work. She made me feel at home, and an immediate part of the JRW community—as though they had been saving a place for me.

James River Writers was my lifeline during that first year in Richmond. It helped ground me, and gave me back the sense of writerly self I thought I’d left behind in Oberlin, where all of my writer friends and former professors were. In this strange land, I no longer felt like a stranger.

At the JRW writers’ conference last October, held at the massively impressive Library of Virginia, which I have yet to explore, I served as a volunteer, escorting understandably nervous writers to their five-minute pitch sessions with a New York literary agent. A slight divagation: The five-minute pitch, which includes the time it will take for the agent to respond, is akin to speed dating, something I have, thankfully, never tried. Regular readers of this blog know about my familiarity with online dating, and how that turned out for me. Think of my husband John as a successful book deal, and you begin to get the idea of what’s at stake for these writers at the conference. They are bringing their carefully crafted “elevator speech” about their novel or non-fiction book to the attention of someone who is not only genuinely interested in what they have to say, but also has the power to change their lives.

But back to James River Writers. Besides sessions with literary agents, their annual conference also features discussions with authors, screenwriters, playwrights, poets, and editors—even lawyers and accountants, who spoke about the business of being a writer. After completing my duties as an escort, I was allowed to sit in on some of these sessions. I learned a lot, met some wonderful people, and made some valuable contacts.

Throughout the past year, I attended many of JRW’s dynamic monthly “writing shows,” where panels of authors talk about specific topics related to the art, craft, and business of writing. I was away from Oberlin, but I had found a new place in which to learn, and it was exhilarating. I had found my people. New people, but mine. I was not alone.

I’ll be sorry to miss the JRW conference this year; John and I will be in San Diego. He has a conference of his own to attend, and I’ll be meeting with a client about a book project. But there’s a symmetry to that—I’ll be putting to use some of what I’ve learned this past year.

So on this Day of International Freelancers, one year after joining James River Writers and one month after launching this blog, I raise a glass to all of the freelancers, fiction writers, non-fiction writers, journalists, bloggers, poets, playwrights, screenwriters, librettists, and editors out there—in the blogosphere and on the Earth’s sphere. To the ones I know, and the ones I’ll never know. To the ones I might one day meet, and the ones I might one day read.

You are not alone.

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Greek Grilled Chicken

21 Wednesday Sep 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Food for Thought

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

chicken, Cooking, farmers' markets, Food, Grilling, Marinades, pasture-raised, recipes

This is an easy, delicious, and healthy way to prepare grilled chicken. Although the components are few and simple, I believe using the best quality ingredients that I can find and afford really makes a difference in the outcome of everything that I cook. In this case, that means locally-sourced, pasture-raised chicken (we bought ours from Ault’s Family Farm at the South of the James Farmers Market in Richmond); extra-virgin olive oil; organic lemons; and Penzeys dried herbs and spices. I serve this dish with rice pilaf and a green vegetable or salad. Please note that this recipe was adapted from the Thyroid Cancer Survivors’ Association Low-Iodine Cookbook. The original recipe does NOT include salt of any kind.

Serves 4

4 pounds skinless chicken thighs, legs, breasts, or a combination thereof
Table salt
4 Tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4 Tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 whole lemon, sliced
4 cloves garlic, minced
3-4 teaspoons dried oregano
1 teaspoon Kosher salt

Wash the chicken by soaking it for a few minutes in a large pot of cold, salted water. Drain, rinse with cold water, and pat dry with paper towels.

Combine extra-virgin olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, oregano, and Kosher salt in a medium-sized bowl and whisk until combined. Add lemon slices.

Place chicken in a sealable plastic bag. Add the marinade to thoroughly coat chicken, then place the sealed bag in a bowl or pan to catch any possible leakage. Marinate, refrigerated, for at least four hours or, preferably, overnight. If necessary, turn the bag over once or twice while marinating.

If using chicken breasts that have not been boned, place them on a medium-hot grill first, before adding the other pieces. After about four minutes on each side, add the other chicken pieces. From that point on, grill for six to ten minutes per side, until browned and cooked through—chicken is no longer pink and the juices run clear. Boneless breasts of chicken might take slightly less time than bone-in.

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There Was a Crooked Woman … Part I

19 Monday Sep 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in The Healthy Life

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

aging, back pain, bone density, DEXA scan, Health, Kegel exercise, lumbago, Massage, midlife, osteopenia, osteoporosis, Pelvic floor, Physical therapy, wellness

My thanks to G.W. for the graphic!

One recent morning, after stripping off the sheets on the bed in the guestroom, I noticed the mattress was slightly askew. Because I’m an editor as well as a writer, I possess certain innate characteristics. The misalignment of a mattress will bother me as much as the improper deployment of a parallel construction.

I nudged the offending bedding with my knee and immediately felt a shift in my lower right back, accompanied by a spongy sort of “thunk.” And then the pain.

It was mild at first, an annoyance more than anything. I gathered up the sheets and took them down to the laundry. But the discomfort progressed with the day, and by afternoon, when I could barely make it home from walking the dog, I called John to report: woman down.

Welcome to midlife, the land of lumbago.

A week went by without improvement. I finally sought relief by cashing in a Living Social massage coupon for the Richmond Alternative Center for Health. Robin, the massage therapist, came out to greet us. John set off on a self-guided tour of the facility while I limped alongside Robin, following her into a serene, softly-lit massage studio. I studied the comfortable-looking table from various angles, trying to calculate the least painful approach for getting into a prone position. It was obvious Robin was going to have her hands full with this one.

The massage was soothing the way aloe is soothing to a burn—waves of intermittent calm punctuated by bursts of pain. By the end, though, all of my muscles—especially those of my lower back—were relaxed. Until, that is, I tried to get up from the table. Everything seized up again; I stiffened like the Bride of Frankenstein as I struggled to regain my footing. Robin appraised the situation.

“You really should call your doctor if you’re not better by Monday.”

As advice goes, this was excellent. X-rays taken of my lower back looked fine, my doctor said; there were no disc issues or fractures. (I had been worrying about a fracture, actually; a recent bone density test, or DEXA scan, revealed that two of my vertebrae were a hair’s breadth away from osteoporosis. I’ve had osteopenia for years.) She prescribed muscle relaxers and physical therapy. Now here’s where things get interesting.

A friend recommended Progress Physical Therapy in neighboring Glen Allen. I was now heading (well, limping) straight down the path of Kismet. I  scheduled a time with Dr. Amanda Miller because, as I recall, hers was the first available appointment. Little did I know that she specializes in pelvic floor problems. Her examination revealed that something about my own pelvic floor was apparently awry; it was as crooked as the mattress that got me into this jam in the first place. Dr. Miller’s meticulous examination revealed something else as well. She told me to bend over and try to touch my toes, then asked:

“Did you know that one of your legs is shorter than the other?”

To be continued …

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Great Expectations

16 Friday Sep 2011

Posted by themidlifesecondwife in Transitions

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

blogs, Facebook, LinkedIn, Online Communities, postaweek2011, Twitter, WordPress, writing

Dear Readers,

You’ve subscribed. You’ve liked “The Midlife Second Wife” on Facebook. You’ve shared the blog with your friends and family. Some of you have even commented on these early posts. For this support, I thank you. You are awesome! You are the reason I’m here.

Since August 24, 2011, when TMSW became the new kid on the blogosphere, the site has received 770 views. And no, this doesn’t include my own visits.

😉

Those of you here from the beginning will notice a difference in the layout. I’m now using a beautiful WordPress template called “Chateau.” Rather appropriate, don’t you think? This is, after all, the home of the Midlife Second Wife.

You will also notice a snazzy new logo, courtesy of my immensely talented brother-in-law, Brian Rich. But wait. It gets better. In his off hours, Brian designs and makes jewelry. See this picture of me? Notice the necklace I’m wearing? That’s a Brian Rich creation. The Midlife Second Wife didn’t just gain a husband; she gained a jewelry designer and graphic artist.

Here are a few other new features: on the left you’ll see that some new categories have popped up. “An Open Book” is a place where you can go to learn more about the books mentioned in my posts, or simply see books that have been important to me. Think of this as the library in the Midlife Second Wife’s chateau. “The Blogs of Others” lists sites of other bloggers that I like and want to support. Feel free to check them out sometime. There’s even a place where you can read some of my published articles.

Another new feature allows you to print a post or share it via email or on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or WordPress’ own “Press This.” You can also indicate if you like a particular entry. You’ll find these options at the end of each individual post. Just click on the post’s headline to get there.

You know that I’m sharing recipes, and you can look for them every Wednesday. But what you don’t know is that I’ve been busy working to further enhance the site. I plan to interview experts on a variety of subjects, and in the coming weeks there will be a new category for you to enjoy—“Monday Morning Q & A.” I’ll be adding sections on health and wellness, money management, relationships, and arts and culture. If there are other topics that you’d like me to explore here, please drop me a line at marci.keyword@gmail.com.

While we’re on the subject of great expectations, I want you to know that my goal is to post new content for you three times each week. I hope you’ll find what I write fun, inspiring, and worth sharing with others. WordPress’ terrific feature—a community for bloggers called “The Daily Post”—will help me meet this goal. It’s a place where I can ask for help when I need it and encourage other bloggers when I can.

If you’re already reading my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way.

Thanks again for your support!

Wishing you all good things,

Marci, aka
The Midlife Second Wife


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